Spirituality and the Leather Lifestyle

By Sloyd
captain@sloyd.com
www.sloyd.com

The spirit of leather - we all know that it is possible to dress up in leather and yet not know what it means. Yet to most people in leather it means more than the costume of black dyed cowhide, for even those without leather can practice leather sex. Leather people cover a broad spectrum of tastes, not all of it overlapping, but all are sexual outlaws and our practices have overtones of the socially forbidden. In the last few months I have explored other's feelings about spirituality in leather, while the words are few, the feelings run strong and deep. I've found that those who have no experience in the leather world find the concept of spirituality in leather incongruous and unfathomable, yet most leather people are aware of the spiritual aspects of the leather lifestyle, even if they do not understand it. Spirituality exists, even in those who deny any interest, it manifests in their ethics, codes of honor, values, and a quality of their spirit. In some people it is lacking as in any community, all of us can make progress on the ladder of sexual, if not spiritual enlightenment. I will strive to present an overview of spirituality in leather, however, if these views don't correspond with yours, no apologies, they are my opinions and I volunteered to give this talk.

Spirituality and leather are intertwined so deeply the only place to start is at the beginning. Before leather, for some even before coming out, was the perception of our dark side. Dark because it was unknown, repressed, disallowed and taboo, not to be shared or spoken of, not even to be acknowledged. Despite all the social restrictions, our dark sides fascinated us, even though the rules stated, "Keep out - Don't touch!" we were curious. Could it be as bad as folks made it out to be? Perhaps we repressed it also, only exploring alone behind locked doors. Why did we venture there? A craving for more, a desire for what was forbidden, animal longings stirring the civilized self. There was not enough to interest us in the regular world, bland vanilla mundane days evoked no spark, they felt shallow and unfulfilled. Inside there existed a shadow world, rich with difference, where many of us feared to tread yet knew one day we must or we would never know ourselves. The dark side, not dark because of evil or badness, but dark as an opposite, a shadow, another realm expressing the unconventional and the unmentionable. Many of us at a young age were aware of a difference in sexual attitudes, and we felt that we were the only ones in the world this way. I was relieved to find out there were such things as gay bars, and once I gathered the courage to enter one, I gravitated toward leather. Not so much for the sex, not for the apparel, not for the lifestyle. I had found a niche where I could express and explore my dark side, in the company of men who understood with compassionate revelation what it is to grapple with that powerful being that I am, we are. Instead of repressing an aspect of myself that was bursting at the seams, unconsciously surfacing to warp relationships into patterns of negation and self-destruction, I found freedom. Freedom to act through my fantasies, relinquish or take control, wallow indulgently in the exploration of the limits of ecstasy, unleash this animal power to test my bonds, transcending flesh on wings of sensation, to return to the light side of life wearing a knowing smile shared by others. We've played the power games just as serious games, and we know when they are over. We've caused each other pain, all in the name of pleasure, and somehow a clearer vision comes of it - We know who we are.

The Mattachine Society of the early 1950's asked three questions of gay men: Who are we? Where are we from? What are we for? These are questions for the spirit, and in the subset of the leather community these questions are also relevant. Who are we? We are the sexual archetype, the living expression of the extreme. To the non-leather world we are bogeymen, dark sorcerers who unlock the anxiety closet, laughing at the fears others cower from. Where do we come from? From the dark side, of course. All that is sexually radical brings us together, the limits of pain, the power of discipline, the control of restraint, the probing, piercing, pissing person pushing beyond and even further. Historically, where are we from? The tribal world has traditions of rites of passage, painful rituals that must be endured before a boy could become a warrior. The history of leather will always be vague and incomplete for it has often burrowed underground, by its nature being outside acceptability by the mainstream. I've not tried to research leather's history, perhaps others can paint a picture of our past. My knowledge of the leather world is experiential, from my actual living out of my unconscious impulses. What are we for? We are mirrors. In us people see reflections of themselves, we are the embodiment of their unconscious impulses. Some revile us, but they know not what they detest, they are only hating the forbidden within themselves. We are here for balance in the world, our extremes offset the repression of the right-wing fundamentalists. We are here to keep magic alive in a world of logic and science, the special sexual magic of leather.

Now when I bring up magic, I am not invoking religion. There are many religious persons attracted to leather, particularly Catholics, and an equally high percentage of people who reject religion wholeheartedly. I could describe the leather lifestyle as a religion in itself, but I believe it is not a religion. I hope it never becomes that dogmatic, although sometimes I have my doubts. When I say magic, I mean the tribal magic of the shamans, the Dionysian ritual, the rites of passage. There is ritual in leather, the dress, accoutrements and signals, the nuances of cruising, negotiating and stating limits. Those are just the preliminaries, once contact is made in a public space, the action moves to a more magical leather space. This arena is usually dimly lit, undistracted, often austere with the only source of focus the participants and the equipment they use. Ritual is created, both time-worn and spontaneous, to establish positions, top and bottom, dominant or submissive, sadist/masochist, master/slave, the doer or the done to. The opening ritual of establishing dominance and marking territory is often rougher than what immediately follows. The buildup is then gradual, the tempo is rhythmic, mantric, and trance inducing. Restraints are often used, placing the top in total control, freeing the bottom to release the animal body from the mind's control. Pendular swings are made from the peace of sensory deprivation and immobilization to the writhing agony of sensory overload. The sexual focus is smeared across the body and mind, turning on the odd spots. The pace is building on sensation, piling on more sensation, erasing the demands of the ego with sensation, sensation so intense one dare not call it pain and get away with it, yet the sensation towers and presses further. At last the pain/pleasure barrier is shattered, the ego breaks and gibbers, the psyche flies free, this is the transcendent moment the magic has created. The spiritual power of a leather scene is strongest at this point. It is a glimpse of visionary ecstasy, the mind in communion with the body consciousness, a threshold of catharsis and emotional release. It may not always happen, but who can deny that ineffable experience is the objective? Nowhere is the magic of leather more apparent than when it does not happen, when, what is hoped to be a hot scene devolves into unreasonable demands, disrespect, whining, panic, and a liturgy of "I'm not into that." The wearing of leather does not bring spirituality in itself, it is the person who brings spirit to the leather.

No matter the range of sexual diversity the leather lifestyle encompasses, leather bonds us together. The phrase "leather community" is tossed around, I think the concept of a "leather tribe" applies. Newcomers visit a leather bar, dip their toe in, and at some point decide to go all the way. They become initiates to the mysteries, not yet leather people but acolytes in search of a teacher. If the more experienced ones are willing to train, they go through a rite of passage into the leather world and grow from children into leather men and women. That first step seems the most difficult and painful, but with time and experience, much more is coped with. Each successful scene is a descent into one's personal underworld, where powerful feelings and visions are encountered. The leather lifestyle is intimate, functioning at its best in small groups or pairs. Knowledge is passed on from person to person, and the limits are set by the individual. The leather world is Dionysian rather than Apolloian, a world of extremes rather than moderation, a world not open to everyone, attractive only to that special person out of step, marching to the beat of a different drummer. The leather world is erotic, hedonistic, indulgent, and directed toward the pursuit of ecstasy, but this does not preclude spirituality. There are many directions to enlightenment so as long as enlightenment is the goal, the path fits the person. Cosmic erotic consciousness is a view of the universe in heat, the creative power of the macrocosmic expressed in the individual. It may not be true that sex makes the world go round, but it sure feels nice while it's turning.

On the other side of the coin is pain and suffering. Many outsiders see that as a negative side of the leather lifestyle, but unlike their pain and suffering, ours is safe, sane, and consensual. Throughout history saints, penitents, holy men and mystics have used pain, sensory deprivation, isolation, exhaustion, and self-flagellation to achieve a closer proximity to God, a Higher State , or a union with the Infinite. In the context of a leather scene these same elements are present and can be used to gain a deeper spiritual understanding. As the experienced leather person knows, the bottom is the focus, the top is the guide. The responsibility for the trip belongs to both, for if either is lacking in commitment, the magic fails to materialize.

As progress is made in the leather lifestyle, growth is sure to be a result. To get what you want you must know what you want. Success in leather demands self-examination and actualization. The novice experiments with many facets of leather sex searching for enjoyable ones. In that act of exploration is the creation of new areas of desire. Scenes that were once unimaginable become new erogenous zones, building a vocabulary of sexual diversity that outstrips the vanilla lifestyle. Limits are expanded, self-knowledge increases, confidence grows with each obstacle overcome, every threshold passed.

Discipline is integral to leather, the self-discipline to conquer one's own fear and panic, the imposed discipline to bring order and ritual, and fill in where self-discipline lacks. To give discipline requires discipline, an undisciplined bottom may be trained, but an undisciplined top is dangerous. Good discipline is more direction than denial, making a choice for the better. It takes discipline to be a good slave in a Master/slave relationship, because that submission is voluntary, the slave must hold foremost in his mind the pleasure of the Master, somewhat like a mantra in meditation. The dominant/submissive role playing in the leather lifestyle found in Master/slave and Daddy/son relationships, offers new avenues for spiritual growth. The Master will ideally remake the slave using discipline and guidance to sculpt a new person. If the master is wise, he will build the slave's self-esteem along with his body, training his creation to be a better human, above the common crowd. Ideally the slave should select a Master he can trust implicitly to make the best choices for both. When the slave locates that person and submits to his control and tutelage, the Master becomes a metaphor for God with virtual power over existence. The Master in turn bears a heavy burden of responsibility, with a worshiper he must wear his assumed powerful role with care. The possibilities for growth are astonishing and reciprocal, yet because of the voluntary and socially prohibited nature of the relationship, it often is fragile. Both roles expand in scope as trust in the relationship deepens, each person finding the demands of the role exceeding their self-image. The spiritual circuits surge with energy to fill the demand, some can power up to become their archetypal ideal, but many burn out, the relationship dissolving into bitterness and squabbling. Masters and slaves still search for that ideal intense relationship, pragmaticly realizing that shorter temporary scenes may fill their fantasies without crashing and burning. Still the literature of leather is filled with tales of total dominance and submission, in the correct context that type of relationship can be a route for enlightenment and a fast track for growth.

Safe-sex is a catch phrase that we've all heard. The leather world has altered in this age of AIDS. Although safe-sex is a rule in the leather community, it is a misnomer. Much of the sexual practices that leather abounds in do not transmit HIV, yet in another sense are not safe in certain situations. There is much one can do to minimize the risk, such as checking out a potential partner's background with others in the leather bar, but risk is inevitable. Some even court risk. "I risk, therefore I am" strikes a chord in all of us. There is nothing like a touch of danger to send a surge of adrenaline through our bodies and bring into sharp focus that quality of being alive. The parachutist stepping out of an airplane shares that emotional interplay of fear and trust that a bottom feels the first time the restraints go on. Apprehension has been conquered, of course it is never safe, but life without risk is not a leather life. The leather lifestyle would not be as intriguing without some element of danger. Risk of death or mutilation makes life more precious and intense, that intensity borders on the spiritual. The experience can be devalued to a simple thrill, the choice lies with the individual.

Throughout the leather lifestyle resides choice. We pride ourselves in being consensual, the primary rule of leather scenes is that all participation is voluntary. As such, spirituality in the leather lifestyle involves choice, one can ascribe spiritual meaning to an experience or not. Leather is a symbolic overstatement, an exploration into the realm of erotic excess. It is a new personal reality we have created by consensus, so we may make of it what we will. The choice is there to not involve spirituality in leather, claim there is no such thing or that you're not into spirituality, but wouldn't that be limiting ourselves? Leather attracts people searching for more; more variety of sexual practices, more extremes of sensation, and sometimes, more meaning. Leather people are testing their limits, the limits of pain, pleasure, and discipline. The spiritual plane is limitless, on a leather ladder we can ascend above our limits, the choice is there.

I don't feel that my covering of spirituality and the leather lifestyle can be complete without a few guidelines of how to. There's no guarantee that you will automaticly become the leather avatar, nor are these guidelines complete, you must follow your heart and soul. I can only provide keys, you must find the locks they fit. I do feel the leather tribe would benefit from a greater spiritual awareness. So with all the passionate commitment of Moses and his ten commandments, tooled in black leather of course, here goes:

Primary is the respect of personhood. Self-esteem is our most valuable asset and in scarce supply, no action should damage your or another's self-esteem. Humiliation is one practice we can do without, especially in public. Examine your motives and those of your potential partner. If destruction, anger, revenge, low self-esteem, or negativity are the prime motivators, beware. Exploration of potential and sexual eroticism, desire for growth or just fun and enjoyment, self-affirmation, exhilaration, or the contrast of extremes can all be positive reasons for leather sex. Realize that in searching for sex we are searching for love, don't be afraid to give or receive affection. Concern, caring and affection can smooth out anxiety in the heaviest scene, with love, compassion and trust, new limits can be reached. Respect your limit and your partners. Acknowledge the spiritual aspects of the leather scene and make expansion of your mutual spiritual limits a goal of the experience.

In closing, I'd like to say that spirituality does not exist in a vacuum. When the leather tribe abounds with love and caring, even in its oddest expressions, spirituality will follow.

~~~~~

Copyright 2003

This article is reprinted here with the explicit permission of the author. If you would like to share it with others, please link directly to this page or contact the author for permission. It is a violation of copyright law to distribute or reprint this piece without that permission, however you may include a short quote from it, not more than 20% of the total text. Please respect the integrity of this work.