A Very Special Night

By Poppy

First published in Prometheus Issue #37. Reprinted with permission of the author.

Mini SCENEprofiles interview with Poppy

The following scene report was written last October, the morning after a "spiritual wax ritual" conducted by Master Jim. The ritual came out of our interest in developing the overlap between our spirituality and our practice of BDSM. We wanted to do a transformative scene that would give the observers a vivid experience of what was happening. I wanted to use the ritual as an entry into letting go at a deeper level than I ever had, and Master Jim wished to bring together his knowledge of shamanic paths and an enjoyable, meaningful scene ritual.

Given Master Jim's special artistry with wax, we decided to do a wax ritual with a few invited friends as our circle, and thus unite our spiritual and BDSM interests. When we talked about it, we both shared ideas, but as the event came near, he said to me, "Once it begins, you have to trust me and do what I say."

Of course. This was, after all, a journey in submission. The whole week leading up to it I struggled to surrender my urge to manage and control the event. I kept offering suggestions, but I knew that when the time came I must lay all that aside. I prayed to be able to do so, and do it graciously and gracefully in the service of Master Jim's artistry and direction.

I know Master Jim likes me to look pretty, so I did my best. With his approval, I spent a month planning my outfit. I was all decked out: from the skin out; I had on a white lace bustier, white lace panties, white thigh-highs, and silk pumps with gold and silver embroidery. (I love thrift shops!) Over that, a bronze, broom-pleated, semi-sheer long skirt, and a semi-sheer, pale taupe clingy top. For jewelry, I wore a multi-strand pearl choker with strands that dripped down my throat, silver drop earrings, a long, long strand of silver beads, and a multi-strand long jingly thing around my belly draping my yoni area. Then, I donned a big brown and black hooded robe over the whole thing.

Oh, and silver toe rings. And my fingernail and toenail polish matched the skirt. My hair was freshly washed, down, and wild. I don't dye my hair - it's dark but there is plenty of "salt" in the "pepper." Dressing up for this ritual, for and with Master Jim's approval, helped me feel my beauty as a woman in a very special way.

Our guests arrived, a "minyan" of ten people. In the Jewish religious calendar, it was the night that celebrated the giving of the Ten Commandments - the giving of Dime Revelation on the mountain. Tonight would be another sort of revelation, no less sacred.

Coltrane was playing softly in the background. I was upstairs out of sight as the guests gathered. Master Jim had laid out a tarp on the floor, with candles at the four corners and one more at the head; squat black candles that he had made himself.

He was dressed all in leather and a black cape with a spider in a web painted on the back, his totem. We gave the participants rattles, bells, and drums. I heard Master Jim explaining that the ritual would be for me, to take me to a new place. He also talked about his experience as a shaman, about how he had been initiated, and how tonight was to take me to some of those places.

I had tears listening to this. We had never discussed his thoughts about this night as an experience for me. I had considered it simply as a way for him to shine as a sort of performance artist, and for us to have some fun along the way.

At his signal, I came down the stairs. I faced him. He put a blindfold on me, then turned me to face the circle, and undressed me one item at a time until I was naked. Then he had everyone rub baby oil all over me, and had me lie down. Everyone began a rhythm with their instruments and there was some chanting as well. The energy began to grow as Master Jim touched me with different textures: fur, leather, flogger, prickly things, whip - nothing I experienced as painful, just sensations.

I began to shake and vibrate from the energy of the circle, and from the drums and bells. Our friends, uncoached and unrehearsed, had found a rhythm and a feeling that swept me away. I felt myself going deeper and deeper into sensory, non-verbal awareness, nourished by the rhythms and bells.

Something opened inside me - something that answered those old, old rhythms, that woke to the sensations I was feeling. Emotions with no words began to boil out of me. My breathing fell in time with the rhythm, as my skin attuned to the touch of Master Jim's hand. I felt myself descending, going through a dark space, and coming out into light. All the while, Master Jim was with me, encouraging me: "Go through it... Wherever you need to go... Go there and go through." I went through. Something lightened. I smiled.

It was then that he began to drip the wax on me, a warm, wonderful rain. I felt I was Mother Earth and I was being nourished by the warm, male seed raining on me. Again, energy was running through me from inside and from the circle. I was shaking and trembling with it. And laughing.

As he began to remove the wax with a knife, I let Master Jim know that the sound of the drumming was giving me too much energy to be able to hold still, which I now needed to do. He must have gestured, because it stopped. In the silence which everyone now held for me, I lay still and felt the kiss of the edge of his knife.

Trust.

And peace.

He added many sweet touches, like nibbling on my toes as he removed the wax on my feet, or kissing the palms of my hands. I felt incredible surges of energy as he moved the knife across the delicate places on my wrists and down the insides of my arms. It was all I could do to hold still. But I did; I held still for him.

And then the soft sound of a rattle; I felt a unique energy with that, orienting something inside me, making some part of me wake up and say, "Hmmm?" It caused a definite shift in the vibrations - something calm, yet very energized at the same time. He later told me that rattle had been blessed on the altar of a goddess in South America - a Mother Earth goddess. He told me too, that the wax was the blood of the llama that the miners there sprinkle on the entrance to the dangerous mines. It's done in the name of that goddess, a name I no longer recall, to protect the miners from the dangerous, evil force within. And he told me that his intention was to give me the strength of Mother Earth to protect me in my initiation to the power of the feminine, to protect me as well from any unhelpful forces within myself.

Old voices.

I was so at peace.

Finally, Master Jim asked everyone to gather round and "rub her till she comes back to the world." Oh delicious. I imagined a mama bear licking her cubs into shape.

We finished with cookies and juice: "May you never hunger; may you never thirst."

We stayed for a few more hours after the club opened (we had rented Paddles for a few hours pre-opening) and did some very languid, very relaxed play. My favorite part, in some ways of the whole evening, was dancing sensually for Master Jim as he cracked his bullwhip around me. I was on a cloud. I felt a freedom in loving my body and my sensuality that really opened up for me that night. I was naked and at ease in front of all those people, and it felt beautiful and right to be so. The ease of it all was a tribute to Master Jim's masterful direction, and his reading of what I was ready for. And I was.

With the help of our wonderful circle of friends, I was privileged to experience a beautiful and meaningful journey, and Master Jim and I found a way to experience BDSM and spirituality in a very organic, natural way together.

My deepest thanks to Master Jim for taking me through the darkness and into laughter, pleasure and light.

~~~~~

Copyright 2003

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