Spirituality, Surrender, 
and Submission

By Megan

radha@yahoo.com 

Benner in 1989 defined spirituality as a yearning for self-transcendence and surrender. Surrender, or letting go of personal control, abandoning one's self for the sake of the sacred, brings about a sense of emotional calm and great peace (Cole and Pargamet, 1999). The experience of self-transcendence, feeling that one is immersed in the divine leads to enlightenment, mystical experiences and deeper satisfaction in life (feelings of acceptance, completeness, serenity, gratitude, calm and compassion.) (Cole and Pargamet, 1999).

Sexual submission is an utterly spiritual endeavor for me. The feelings that I have as I feel another's control, as I allow someone to use me, fill me, shape me, teach me, guide me and protect me; the feelings which are awakened as I submit to another without question in a circumstance, striving to act in ways which will only bring pleasure and happiness to him? These feelings resonate strongly in my soul as a part of who I am as a spiritual woman. Submission to a master for me strongly parallels a spiritual quest. I found (and find) such beauty in the offering of one's self up to Another. I have so many memories as a child and early adolescent in church, with songs and passages and experiences that clearly express the things that submission awakens in me:

1. "As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee. You alone are my hearts desire and I long to worship Thee." (a psalm)†
I feel this way about one I submit to, not to say that a Dominant must be perfect as "God" is assumed to be, but that he is one I long to be with, to please, that it is an ache in my soul to be with him and bring him peace and happiness.

2. Various songs, "Father, I adore You, lay my life before You, how I love You." "my soul doth magnify the Lord." "Take our bread, we ask You take our hearts, we love You take our lives, oh Father we are Yours, we are Yours"
All of these songs awaken in my spirit the feelings I enjoy when serving my master, as well as the transcendent feelings I discover in spiritual rituals.

3. The language of the liturgy, incorporating the desire to be found worthy and pleasing in Another's eyes, and a need for correction when one fails. Also just the beauty of ritual within liturgy reminds me of the norms of Dominance/submission (D/s) interactions.

4. Other religious/spiritual traditions:

Hindu - "seek refuge in him, making a total surrender of your being - body, mind and soul. By His grace you shall attain supreme peace and the everlasting abode" (Srimad Bhagavad-Gita).
In this quote I feel the protection that a dominant offers a submissive that he loves.
Also, the story of Radha and Krisna in the Gitagovinda of Jayadeva, expresses the longing and surrender of lovers which is similar to the longing of a submissive for her master.

Pagan - "when peace comes at last, when the goal is finally achieved, it always comes with just one happy realization; 'I need do nothing.'" (A Course in Miracles)

Both the Hindu and Pagan quotes above identify a key aspect of spirituality and submission defined at the beginning of this essay - surrender. I feel a near-mystical experience through submission as often, or perhaps even more often, than through spiritual meditation. The feelings people have after an experience of spiritual surrender as reported by Cole and Pargamet (1999) (such as the calm, peace and satisfaction in life) are the feelings I find in submission.

5. One year in church, we were encouraged to keep a diary for a few months talking to God that we would burn ceremoniously at a weekend retreat. My diary was full of supplications of being allowed to serve, of not asking for things for myself but rather asking to do what would bring happiness to him, allowing myself to be bent to His will. I remember feeling embarrassed by my entries, worried that it was weird, even though I was accurately expressing my inner feelings.

The most spiritual time of my life, when I was roughly 8 to 15 was a deeply satisfying time, as I found intense emotional and spiritual fulfillment in sacred submission to a being. It was not until recently that I began to see these situations as predecessors to submission as an erotic relationship.

I believe that submission, although it is expressed for me through sensuality and sex, is driven by the mystical expressions that I found in religion when I was younger. I feel this need to adore someone, to bring them happiness, to release my own external as well as psychological controls in order to feel a freedom of my spirit. This experience is stimulating on so many levels, but I am most satisfied by expressing it sexually. To me, a sexual slant does not in any way invalidate the experience and emotions themselves. Rather, sexuality (as well as spirituality) is a tremendously primal and personal part of one's life. To be able to express my feelings to a man through sex can be in itself a mystical experience, even before bringing in the complexities of dominance and submission.†

Perhaps one of the most important things to me in submission is being able to trust someone completely. That release is so uplifting, and something I cannot really find outside of D/s sexuality. It may be I am a so in control of the rest of my life, and that I need to be so organized and goal driven in everything else. Spirituality and D/s both give me an outlet to simply relax and trust.

References

Benner (1989). Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 8.

Cole, B.S. and Pargamet, K.I. (1999). Spiritual Surrender: A Paradoxical Path to Control, In W.R. Miller (Ed.) Integrating Spirituality into Treatment. Washington, D.C.: APA.