Controversial... Me?

By Sensuous Sadie
SensuousSadie@aol.com 
www.sensuoussadie.com 

“Any good writing is mildly controversial.”
~ Lord Battista

Last week someone told me my writing was considered mildly controversial. My fur ruffled a bit over that. Hell, I write about spiritual things. I write about my experiences in the BDSM world. I write about openness and inclusion and finding your own path. How could such blandness be controversial?

But then I got to thinking about some of the comments I’d received.

In my column about deciding whether or not to attend play parties, one reader felt I didn’t have sufficient experience to write about the subject. Do I have enough experience? Maybe not by her standards, but definitely by mine. In any case, my writing should stand on its own. If what I write makes sense, then the exact number of times I’ve been to play parties is irrelevant.

In my column about coming out, I wrote that each of us must be honest about our sexuality with ourselves and our loved ones. One reader protested that I wasn’t considering the consequences of coming out. He was right. I’m not considering those consequences because I don’t know what they are; each person has a different situation. I’m still going to say it and write it; I believe it.

In my series of columns on how the BDSM scene in Vermont is inclusive, some readers complained that I didn’t have a right to speak for all of us. I agree, and I encourage them to write about their views. Still, it’s not like I was advocating anything illegal, immoral or dangerous.

Maybe, as Lord Battista says, it’s not so much the content of my writing, but that I have a platform. Yes, I have a personae, Sensuous Sadie. Yes, I have a newsletter and a website. Yes, I’m a good writer, and I have something to say. Most people don’t have any of these things. A fellow writer told me that these facts are, in themselves, enough to foment insurrection.

I wonder if the very fact that I am writing is an irritant to some readers? I know it’s a special gift. When I write, it’s like my higher power is speaking through me, something magical. On the other hand, I’m not stopping anybody else from writing up a storm, for my newsletter or anyone else’s. And I do run all letters to the editor, whether or not the readers think I’m full of hooey.

My friend Leela tells me that anytime you write about your beliefs, it’s controversial by definition. Anytime you speak out, all the people who disagree with you will consider your views “controversial.” However, she reminds me that if my intentions are from the heart, readers will know that. If my intention were to be controversial, people will be right to slam me for it too.

I wonder what controversial really means. When I write, I speak from my own truth, about what I believe is right for me. I write about freedom to choose in a culture which is often delineated on rules of one sort of another. Many players feel it’s important to follow the party line, to practice BDSM their way. I argue for freedom to follow your own path, as long as you play safe, sane, and consensual.


Maybe this is heretical. Maybe it’s just too risky to encourage people to think independently. Maybe in a world where religion and work and sexuality are packaged up nice and neat, someone suggesting we be present and accounted for shakes things up.

At the end of all this is just me and what I have to say. For the readers who are moved by what I say, thank you. That’s why I write, to allow my heart to speak to yours. It’s not courage which keeps me putting it out there, but that I’m a writer, and that’s what we do. Otherwise, it’s just filler… controversial filler.

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Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html). She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn , Vermont 's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com  or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications