A grove of Sequoia (California Redwood) trees
 

Pushing the Boundaries of Intimacy
By Sensuous Sadie
SensuousSadie@aol.com 
www.sensuoussadie.com 


My last partner, Emmett, expressed his dominance by doing unto me. He thought of me as his treasured pet I suppose, and luxuriated in pleasuring me in every possible way: mostly sensation play and pleasure, with just a bit of bondage and pain. Oddly enough, he rarely allowed me to touch him other than an occasional back rub. This surprised me because just about every man I’ve ever known loves a good blow job, and God knows I love giving them. I missed being able to serve him in this way; but it clearly wasn’t his oeuvre. But then it wasn’t like I was suffering or anything, so even though I asked him to allow me to do so, I didn’t complain.

In contrast I now have a mostly vanilla lover, with an occasional rivulet of caramel BDSM in there. Cole appears to have little interest in either dominating me - which I’d much prefer – or being dominated by me, as he doesn’t enjoy bondage or impact play, and quite refuses to submit to me mentally. The only thing he’s partial to in this genre is sensation play; kind of the reverse of what Emmett did for me you could say. Also coincidentally, Cole doesn’t really make love to me either, in that he doesn’t really touch me much or engage passionately with me.

I took Cole as a lover because he has a beautiful body and is a virile fucking machine. Shallow? Maybe, but I like it. He likes it too, so I suppose that I too have a beautiful body and am an incredibly virile fucking machine, or I like to imagine so anyway. In any case, in our unspoken agreement I do the Emmett role, and serve him. I like this role because it allows me to be submissive, even if Cole isn’t being overtly dominant. I provide him backrubs, sensation play, long passionate blow jobs, and then I fuck his brains out. Yes, it is mostly vanilla, but I am beginning to push his boundaries a wee bit to broaden our sexual landscape. After all, being who I am, I’m used to a wider banquet of sexual delights.

One of the intriguing things about Cole is that up until last night he wouldn’t kiss me. You may recall the movie Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts’ call girl character refused to kiss Richard Gere because she said it was too intimate. Kind of the same thing with Cole I suppose. I’ve been discussing this notion with him that he can fuck my mouth, pussy, and ass, but somehow if we don’t kiss it isn’t intimacy. I have a sense that many men believe that if their casual lovers (like me) get too intimate with them, I might start demanding a commitment, and eventually the big scary things like marriage and children. I assured Cole these things were not going to happen. I like Cole and his delicious body, but those particular big scary things are not on my radar screen with him, ever.

More importantly, I wanted to kiss him anyway because I really like kissing and I miss it. I told him I was going to start doing it if I had to handcuff him to the bed to do so. And there’s another thing too. Cole, while a great lay, is unengaged from the process of making love; one step away from me, emotionally speaking, even while he is deep inside me. I’m thinking that if he can risk kissing me, risk intimacy with me, he could engage more completely with me. What does that mean really? Well, with Cole making love is like gazing at a beautiful sequoia, or what some of us who lived on the West coast call a California Redwood. They’re amazing trees and give you that feeling of being lifted up from your daily life. But here’s the thing. You could actually walk into a grove of those trees and lay down on the ground to look up hundreds of feet to the top where rays of sun come in through the peaks. You can feel the slidey-slippery crunch of pine needles under your skin, and feel the root strength of the forest holding you safe in its hold. A cool breeze of real pine sifts right through your body and right out the other side, and another one comes along carrying unfamiliar wildflowers and field grasses. It’s very nearly silent except for the woodpeckers and the scuttle of chipmunks. You might even fall asleep there because the bed of pine needles is so very very soft. So very soft and quiet.

This is what an intimate kiss can bring. Not just looking at that evergreen tree, but being completely part of it. The look, the taste, the smell, the sound, the feel. And yes, the sensual, sexual touch.

I think Cole is afraid of this kind of intimacy and I don’t know why. But really, I don’t want to know why because psychoanalyzing my lovers is not my shtick. Regardless, I believe that it’s this connection that allows us to really go deep when exploring the BDSM realm, and without it we are stuck in superficial rack em and whack em play. Cole and I too will be stuck in our vanilla suck and fuck formula if we can’t move beyond that limitation.

So now, we will see if Cole minds having his boundaries pushed this wee bit and returns again to my king-sized bed with the collar, cuffs, and condoms on the side table. If not, well it would be a very sad thing because I’d have to go shopping for a new lover who might not smell and taste quite so nice. But if he does return, just imagine what kind of delicious things might await.


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About the Sequoia in Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sequoia 

This is how Cole looks in my waking dreams
and somewhat in real life. (the ass anyhow!)

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Sensuous Sadie is the author of Spiritual Transformation through BDSM; Stories and Submissions from Fellow Travelers. Read an excerpt and more at Sadie's Kinky Goodies http://www.sensuoussadie.com/sadieskinkygoodies.htm. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at http://www.sensuoussadie.com/. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2008 Sadie Sez Publications