By Sensuous Sadie
SensuousSadie@aol.com 
www.sensuoussadie.com 

For a long time I called myself “Submissive Sadie.” I liked the alliterative nature of the words, and I figured it was a fast way for people to know my BDSM orientation. I changed it to “Sensuous Sadie” when readers became confused by columns I’d written from a dominant point of view. Of course, even when I was “Submissive Sadie,” lots of people didn’t believe it anyway. These were usually novices; recognizable because they hadn’t yet learned that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Now that my name is neutral as to being Dominant or Submissive, there’s less to be confused about. Or more. In any case, at least now I get less flak.

People often choose “scene” names when they join the larger community, figuring on hiding their identity as much as possible. There are legions of novices, and so we end up with a lot of scene names which sound just like any other name - Karen, Thomas, Susan, Bruce etc. Also common are names which have a submissive, sexual, or gender neutral quality such as Yielding, Candy, or Jamie. I chose “Sadie” for the combination of the unspoken  “sexy” in Sadie as well as for the subconscious allusion to the Marquis De Sade. For some reason, the name also reminds me of the Little Feat song “Sneakin’ Sally Through the Alley” which isn’t the same name, but expresses a mischievous and adventurous spirit.

Players also take on sobriquets (“An assumed name; a fanciful epithet or appellation; a nickname” according to dictionary.com) which express their orientation by use of an appellation. Examples are Madam Dragonfly, Domina Blue, Lady Midnite, and Mistress Tart. Some incorporate their interests into their names such as Master Stern, Lord Latex, or even Master Sparks. It’s a bit harder for Submissives, who usually use tags such as Francis, boi of Mistress Juliana; Moby, property of Sadie; or barbie (Dex). There are a few which use the actual words of their orientation such as Submissive Steve or Slave Sandra but these seem to occur less often; maybe it’s because they sound a little more awkward. Interestingly, there are also a number of pseudonyms which are relatively attribution neutral such as Sensuous Sadie, Queen Maureen, Binderup, and Ed the Czar.

There are also a number of courageous people who use their real and full names like Laura Goodwin, TammyJo Eckhart, Rick Umbaugh and Charlie Reid. Using their real names is in itself a statement of faith, that what we are doing is honorable, and they refuse to be ashamed. Laura explains: “I never had what is known as a scene name. I’ve always used my own name. That’s because almost from the beginning I was public as a spokesperson for BDSM people. I never had a private, secret BDSM life. My BDSM life has always been public.” Rick says, “The reason I am fully out is that it means I don’t have to do the dance of the liar to cover for myself. Since I am a fully functioning, responsible human being with a great credit rating I have no reason to feel ashamed of anything I do, particularly in the privacy of my bedroom.” Charlie adds, “I am who I am all the time and I’m not ashamed of anything I’m doing.”

I am not this courageous. I’ve found that when vanilla people know this thing about your sexuality, they get distracted by this knowing, and it can become a barrier. I expect gays and lesbians get this feeling sometimes too, as if their sexuality had something to do with their work, families, or hobbies. It’s just another sign of our culture’s history of repressing that which is sexual in nature. Still, as my friend Leela says, “you can’t exactly be in the closet if you’re publishing your first BDSM book.” She has a real point there, so I’m guessing at some point I’ll be out of the closet entirely. All along I’ve been aware of the risks I’ve taken both as a leader and as a writer, so if that’s what’s in the cards for me, then so be it.

Some writers use full names which are completely fictional like Jack Rinella. Jack says, “My nom de plume came about because I was writing pornography and my real name is very uncommon. In fact all of us who have that last name in the US are closely related. So I fished around for another name.”

I created a fictional name for the same reason as Jack. My real name is very unusual, and in fact is the only one in Vermont . My original thought was to use the full name Sadie Flatley; the Flatley after Michael Flatley the charismatic Irish dancer. Unfortunately few people recognized his name. Not to mention that Flatley does sound, well, a little bit flat. So Sensuous Sadie it is.

My friend Doug has quite the opposite approach. He feels the whole scene name phenom is silly, and he won’t play. He’s just plain Doug in vanilla life as well as in BDSM life. Sometimes it seems a little silly to me too, especially when someone who barely knows the first thing about being Dominant calls himself Master This or Lord That. A friend of mine told me about her Dominant who has her call him “My Lord.” The problem is that it takes a lot of effort on her part to keep a straight face. He isn’t anything she associates with a real Dominant, such as control, dependability, and power. She goes along for the fun of it anyway, a little role playing which works well as long as she keeps her real feelings about His Lordship in check.

In the traditional approach to BDSM these titles are earned, not taken on by choice. It’s hard to imagine what “earning” a title would mean in a community which doesn’t have a structure in place to manage these kinds of things. Some Dominants want everyone to refer to them as Master so-and-so, and I guess we pretty much have to go along. In any case, poseurs eventually unmask themselves. Jack Rinella’s opinion is that “to assume a title like Master or Lord or even Sir is presumptuous and ought to be avoided. I don’t tell people to call me anything except Jack. If they want to honor me with an honorific, that is their prerogative.” Jack is more generous than I would be. I believe titles are earned, even for me. I don’t want some strange Submissive calling me Mistress. As a turnabout on the old Submissive saying “I may be a sub, but I’m not your sub!” I say, “I may be a Dominant but I’m not your Dominant!”

A similar conundrum happens with capitalizing names. In the style of e.e. cummings, Submissives often do not capitalize their names in written communications. Examples such as karen or james, act as an effective visual aid to recognizing Submissives. On the emotional level it also seems to express in a visual way the sense of being submissive. I never use this style myself because for two reasons. It seems in some indefinable way to diminish the value of a Submissive. While we are Submissives and want to serve, there is sometimes a mistaken attitude that we are “less than” Dominants. Using lower case names or writing “Submissive” as “submissive” can encourage this kind of wrong thinking. The other reason is because I am a writer, and I follow standard rules of writing. Using things like lower case names, or the Instant Message style of writing such as “W/we” and “Y/you” take the reader away from the story, a cardinal no-no for writers.

I may get less flak these days with my more neutral name, but people continue to struggle just as much with the idea that I am a switch and possibly a bisexual one at that. It’s a bit mushy for our culture, which likes things black and white, clean and sharp, no ambiguities. So here’s an option for you. Call me het sub Sadie if you wish, just don’t expect me to call you back.

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Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html). She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn , Vermont 's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com  or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications