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Sadie Sez, Cartoon by Dan
Dofogh
What
I Know For Sure
By
Sensuous Sadie
SensuousSadie@aol.com
www.sensuoussadie.com
I’ve been thinking of including a disclaimer at the beginning of each
of my columns, something along the lines of, “This column is my
opinion; it’s not a fact, the truth, or the answer.” I say this
because that old adage “if it’s in print it must be true” still
gives the impression that anything neatly typed has been knighted by the
queen. As a result lots of people ask me for advice on everything from
how to deal with recalcitrant submissives to how to hogtie someone,
neither of which I have the faintest idea how to address.
There are a few things which I do know how to address, mostly those
I’ve faced myself. For example, because I have been both dominant and
submissive, played with both men and women, and had committed
relationships as well as one night stands, I can speak to a wide variety
of relationship issues in the BDSM world. Because of my leadership role,
I can converse on the complexity and frustration of politics, although I
admit that I left leadership precisely because of its recalcitrant
nature. Lastly, because I am well read, I have a sense of the bigger
picture of what is happening in our community.
I certainly have not tried every play style on the planet, nor have I
been with every kind of partner. For example, aside from my short
training with Dex of House Mermaid, I have never been formally trained
in any aspect of BDSM. I know nothing about the experience of being a
slave as opposed to a submissive, or of living the lifestyle 24/7. While
I know enough to play safely, I won’t be offering any workshops on
electrical play, cupping, breath play, single tailing, or any number of
other BDSM specialties. I can only begin to guess what it is like to
live our lifestyle in a place like San Francisco or New York City where
the community is incredibly diverse. I might venture to discuss
spirituality issues, but even then my thoughts would be of interest only
as an example of my own journey.
The truth is, I don’t write to dispense advice and frankly, feel a bit
silly when people ask me for guidance. On the other hand, I do have an
opinion on just about everything. My vision is to help both kinky folk
and vanilla people understand that the BDSM lifestyle is a valid one,
and that every different flavor under that BDSM umbrella is valid as
well. I believe that we have a right to practice it any way we wish, as
long we they don’t hurt anyone in a way that is actually destructive
to mind, body, or spirit. I think it’s important to have a sense of
humor about BDSM and not take it all too seriously. Technique and safety
are important, but once you have those down, the spiritual and emotional
connection is what gives our relationships meaning. I believe in
accessibility of information and ideas – easy to find, easy to access
and easy to understand.
It is not enough just to believe these things and take no action. Each
of us has only this lifetime to give something back to the people we
care about and the communities we live in. For those of you with a
spiritual mindset, you might also give back to your higher power. The
world is an abundant place, and by choosing to live generously without
fear, I bring more abundance into my own life as well as others. On the
personal level I share my gift for seeing the beauty in each person. On
the community level I share my writing freely. I have also become more
involved as a sexual activist, supporting causes which give us all a
greater sense of safety and freedom. Small things make the biggest
difference; things like a smile, a thank you, and a listening ear.
Everyone has a BDSM story – the story of how they discovered their
orientation and how that discovery manifested itself. When I write,
it’s about my own story which is likely no more or less interesting
than anyone else’s. What I do have that is unusual is an abiding
interest in the philosophy behind what I do. In other words, I think
about the why behind what I do. I am also interested in how my actions
as an individual reflect or don’t reflect our cultural traditions, or
how my acting locally affects the global experience. My ideas about all
these things buzz around in my head until they coalesce into a
honeycomb, and there I am with yet another article. I am also blessed
with a flair for writing, and that’s no small thing. Using this talent
is my gift back to God.
My disclaimer for the end of this column is this:
The answers to dealing with recalcitrant submissives or hogtying
someone can be found in a book, so go look it up. The real challenge is
how to live BDSM in a way that speaks to the truth in you. It has
everything to do with looking inward, where the real facts, truth, and
answers lie.
If
you enjoyed this article you might like: Why
I Write about BDSM by Sensuous Sadie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sensuous
Sadie is the author of It's Not
About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html).
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of
Rose
&
Thorn
,
Vermont
's first BDSM group.
Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting
can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com
or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information
freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing
in most venues.
Copyright
2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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