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Exploring BDSM without a Partner
Part II: Exploring Subspace through Alternative Mind Places Part III: Submitting and Surrender to Self Part IV: Self Reflection and Personal Growth During the In-Between Period
By Sensuous Sadie This article looks at various ways both Dominants and submissives can cope with periods of being single. While the focus is on submissives, many of the suggestions also work equally well for Dominants.
There are a number of alternative mind spaces, which are quite similar to Dom and subspace. Experiencing other mind spaces increases your spiritual sense of self, and may decrease the frustration of waiting for a partner to come along. Some are reached primarily through physical activities such as exercise or self-flagellation. Others are more oriented toward mental exercises such as mediation. Some mind spaces such as "Flow" require a combination of the mental and the physical. According to subaltern's BDSM Dictionary on the towerofbabel.com, subspace can be described as "a spiritually transcendent state of complete and overwhelming bliss, the aftereffects of which can last for hours and even days. While this is happening, the submissive/bottom is often said to be flying. It is similar to, but exponentially more intense and powerful than, what is often called runner’s high." My friend Jesse did some explorations using the physical approach, describing it this way: "I once experimented with solitary enema play, setting the mood for escape with dim candlelight in a steamy bathroom. After an hour of sensual self-entertainment and repeated enemas, I experienced a non-genital, whole body orgasm of sorts and then slipped into an altered state where time seemed to stop and I had a very tranquil floating sensation." This sensation he experienced can be explained partly
by Keith L. Kendrick, who in his article Why Would Anyone Participate
in Sadomasochism, explains how subspace and the runner's high both
occur: "as a result of exhausting physical exertion people
experience muscle pain that causes the body to produce endorphins, which
is a natural painkilling response. Endorphins are similar to morphine
and produce pleasurable euphoric feelings. They are also a significant
factor in†why some people can discover pleasure in feeling pain, but
there are other factors as well." Biochemically speaking, imagining an event can also be similar to actually experiencing it. This happens when athletes practice their run or their jump in their mind, and find the physiological experience of imaging gives them the experience of the jump when real practice is impossible. This is not to say that fantasizing about BDSM is the same as doing it, only that if you have the physical muscle memory of subspace and other experiences, you can re-experience them to a certain extent through the power of your mind. Dom and subspace are also similar to the experience of mediation, exercise, prayer, and hypnosis, all of which can be self-induced, and are excellent alternatives to the subspace mode. While I do not do a traditional meditation, I consider much of my writing work to be a "walking meditation," a "flow" as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi defines it about this in his book: Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience. He describes it as moments which "usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something we make happen." He adds "The pursuit of a goal brings order in awareness because a person must concentrate attention on the task at hand and momentarily forget everything else. These periods of struggling to overcome challenges are what people find to be the most enjoyable times of their lives." Kendrick also writes, "Flow occurs when a person "is so immersed in his or her experience that to a great extent the 'self' is forgotten and time becomes significantly altered, and the person feels enriched from the experience. This is similar to the flow experience that artists and athletes often experience." Sadly, going into a "real" subspace seems to only work with a partner because it is predicated on surrendering to someone. Without the surrender, you aren't in subspace. An e-mail buddy Makayla said it this way: I've hit myself with floggers to see how much and how hard I could take it. I found that no matter what I did to myself there was something missing; maybe the fact I was not giving up anything to anyone. My submission is giving over myself, giving control over to someone else."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sensuous
Sadie is the author of It's Not
About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html).
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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