Review of Blue Velvet, written and directed by David Lynch
By Gary Switch
GarySwitch@aol.com  
Posted with the author's permission, all rights reserved

"Why are there people like Frank?"

Blue Velvet is a sexual nightmare, but we all need the occasional nightmare to keep us sane. Its eighteen-minute centerpiece, the notorious closet scene, is a grand opera of sexual depravity, including the cyclonic entrance of one of the most memorable movie villains ever, played by Dennis Hopper (Apocalypse Now, Easy Rider). Like Hannibal Lecter minus the culture and the manners, Hopper's Frank makes Gollum seem well-adjusted. His entrance-line, responding to a gentle "Hello, baby," is "Shut up! It's 'Daddy,' you shithead. Where's my bourbon?"

For those of you keeping score, this scene features: voyeurism, phone domination via kidnapping of loved ones, female domination via chef's knife, female nudity and male nudity (tough call who has the best ass -- Kyle MacLachlan or Isabella Rossellini), plaid boxer shorts worn with black socks, male domination, fabric fetishism, inhalation via anesthesia mask (my guess is whippets, aka nitrous oxide), profanity, violent abuse (but watch how she revels in the blow), incestuous age play, and the tender seduction of a young man by an older woman, shading into masochism. ("Do you like the way I feel? Feel me. Hit me.")

Kyle MacLachlan's (Showgirls, Twin Peaks, Dune) square-jawed, would-be Hardy Boy Jeffrey returns to timber-centric Lumberton from college when his father suffers a stroke watering the lawn. He finds a severed ear in a field and turns it in to a local detective, enlisting the detective's high-school-senior daughter Sandy (Laura Dern -- Jurassic Park, Wild at Heart, Smooth Talk) in an amateur investigation. Icon of innocence Sandy, who dreams of thousands of robins restoring love to the world, has an incongruous noir entrance, with ominous Angelo Badalamenti music swirling about her as she slowly emerges from the darkness asking, "Are you the one who found the ear?" The early biplay between Jeffrey and Sandy is excruciatingly awkward; they're like fourteen-year-olds on their first date, toying with overwhelming forces they barely understand.

Jeffrey pompously proposes an antidote to small town boredom: "There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. Sometimes it's necessary to take a risk." On being told Jeffrey's plan for infiltration ("I'll be the pest control man...You will be a Jehovah's Witness."), Sandy objects, "It's too dangerous," but she's purring the words with a breathy savor. Rapidly losing interest in her high school boyfriend, Sandy's increasingly intrigued with this dangerous college man: "I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert." Jeffrey regresses to grade school parlance, "Well, that's for me to know and you to find out."

Jeffrey's sneaky plans entangle him with Dorothy, Isabella Rossellini's (Big Night, Wild at Heart) hard-luck lounge singer, eventually trapping him in Dorothy's closet. Their little femdom number ("Do you sneak in girl's apartments to see them get undressed?" "Never before this." "Get undressed. I want to see you.") has Dorothy pulling down Jeffrey's boxers to get a look at his wood. MacLachlan's ass gets major screen time, as Rossellini explores him on her knees, forbidding him to look at or touch her. They're interrupted by Frank's unexpected visit. Jeffrey comically scampers back into the closet to witness Frank's terrifying sexual practices, several of which Dorothy has just mimicked.

There's a daisy-chain of domination, submission, temptation, and betrayal taking place. Those SAT analogy questions finally turn out to be good for something: Frank is to Dorothy as Dorothy is to Jeffrey as Jeffrey is to Sandy.

Blue Velvet's other major set piece is the road trip, Jeffrey's abduction into Frank's world and introduction to Frank's Eraserhead-class cadre of freaks. (Eraserhead was also by David Lynch.) Frank can't imagine Jeffrey being a serious threat so he figures all that's necessary is to slap him around a little while getting some laughs at his expense. Here we encounter Frank's witty, convivial side: "Heineken? Fuck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon!"

They all drive to Ben's place. Ben, a flaming queen played by Dean Stockwell, is an admired business associate of Frank's; Ben's "one suave fucker." Dorothy gets to visit her kidnapped child and husband while Ben lip-synchs Roy Orbison's "In Dreams" at Frank's request. Frank expounds his philosophy: "I'll fuck anything that moves!" He passes the most withering possible verdict on Jeffrey: "You're like me." Then things get out of hand.

David Lynch's obsessions here are mirrored in his more recent masterpiece Mulholland Drive, which has so many thematic parallels to Blue Velvet, it approaches self-plagiarism. Both films descend from a sunny, saccharine, vanilla surface world into the heart of darkness. Both contain corruption (in multiple senses), conspiracy, a mystery, an amateur detective, a Roy Orbison song, and a muse of sorrow performing in a metaphysical cabaret: Blue Velvet's Slow Club vs. Mulholland Drive's Silencio. Is Lynch already envisioning a future female-female pairing when he has Jeffrey tell Sandy: "You're a neat girl," and Sandy reply, "So are you?"

Blue Velvet rapidly achieved canonical status in the annals of cinematic perversion. Hopper even did a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live inhaling from Frank's trademark anesthesia mask. Rossellini's been praised for the artistic courage to appear unglamorously dazed and naked on Jeffrey's front lawn -- she even has a bit of a belly -- but what about Hopper's courage channeling violently demented sexual hysteria so convincingly that you'd shudder if you saw him on the street? Lyrical obscenity may seem an oxymoron, but Hopper achieves it. The Marquis de Sade would be proud.

This isn't your movie if you're looking for caring, empowering sexuality. This is your movie if you're looking to ditch the rules, inhabit your shadow, and take a ride to the dark side. Sometimes you've got to lose your humanity, get down on all fours, and confront the beast within.

~~~

Copyright 2005

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