When the combination of all needs are met through the Dominant mind, the true satisfaction of the submissive need is met from her strengths to endure, to overcome, and to heighten her every sense of being.

~ Amber

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THE ROSE & THORN WEEKLY NEWZ

Sunday, December 30^th 2001

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FEATURED ARTICLES IN THIS STEAMING ISSUE:

Submissive Sadie Starts Negotiating The 24/7 - Part 2 In The Series - By Submissive Sadie

Albany Power Exchange Munch Report - By Master Drew

William's BDSM Poem - By William

The Homosexual Agenda - Humor

Hot Off The Presses - Change In Leadership At Rose & Thorn

BDSM Website Of The Week - Recommended By Our Readers

EVENTS NEAR AND SEMI-NEAR

Rose & Thorn Upcoming Events

The Regional Events & Announcements Listing

ADMINISTRIVIA

My Newsletter got Truncated! What do I do?

How To Get Off Or On The Mailing List, Newsletter Policy etc.

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SUBMISSIVE SADIE STARTS NEGOTIATING THE 24/7 - Part 2 in the series

By Submissive Sadie

Burlvtsub@aol.com

*If you missed Part 1 that ran last week, please write Sadie for a copy.

I am a little over a week into negotiations with "Jernigan" for a 24/7 relationship. Our discussions have stalled, leaving me with many questions, so many questions.

I have played in plenty of scenes, where all that was needed in the way of negotiation was a few minutes to determine the general sway of things. My Dom would sit with me for a few minutes - ask about my boundaries, needs, fears, and the rest. What things have I not yet experienced but want to? What's on my NO list? What health issues do I have that might affect play? Where do I come into this emotionally? What do they want from me as a sub? I have been in a few longer-term relationships, where these same conversations stretched out for a few hours. These same questions loom even larger, and take even longer to process when it comes to the intense commitment of a 24/7 situation.

I'm pretty forthcoming about these things; I have no secrets. Usually the answers come easily, and we can always negotiate further as things come up. For every hour spent in play, there are two hours spent in life - cooking, cuddling, conversation - plenty of time to process any new issues.

But with a 24/7 arrangement things are so much grander. I must have sufficient trust and faith in this person to turn myself over to him completely - mind, body, heart. This intimacy is an entirely different beast than the here-or-there play we all know. There is a greater emotional vulnerability not just because of what I'm giving to him, but because I don't already know him well enough to know how he will handle the emotional part. And we all know, the emotional part is the hard part.

I imagine that a 24/7 negotiation will be a number of discussions over time, a flowering foundation that solidifies and deepens until we were ready to take the plunge. There are so many things to get out on the table before it all starts. After we are enmeshed, it will be harder to renegotiate. I don't want to be yanked in and out of subspace in order to figure out how the grocery bill will be handled or whether or not he can have another submissive in the upstairs bedroom.

I have a few fears, but not really all that many. I look at this as an opportunity to experience a transforming connection with myself, with him, and with spirit. My sex life is fairly negotiable (I'm willing to try just about anything). But my economic life, my private life, my spiritual life are not. Will he want me to do things that put these parts of my Self at risk?

More importantly, will he know how to handle things when emotional issues come up, for they surely will. Is he grounded enough to manage not only his own feelings and needs, but mine, which will be so much more tender in this situation? With some of my autonomy given up, will I be able to distance myself emotionally if I need to? If I am confused and lost, will he be able to lead me out of the woods or will he opt out?

Jernigan has his own fears; he is afraid that I will fall in love with him. Is this born out of a fear that he cannot handle love? I have only fallen in love with one of my D/s partners in the eight years of being in the lifestyle - but even so I cannot give him that guarantee. Or can it be that Jernigan is afraid of falling in love with me?

At this moment I am a wee bit infatuated with him - actually not him so much as with what he has to offer me. It's natural I suppose because this is the first time I've been so close to these fantasies coming true. But is that "love?" At 20 I might have confused them, but not at 38. And I wonder, if he is so afraid of love, does he have the emotional maturity to handle the Dominant responsibilities of a 24/7 relationship?"

I know there is a shadowy love-like realm when one is in a D/s relationship. That feeling of total trust and dependence which comes with deep submission can seem like love -- I've felt it. But in the light of day I could always see it for what it was - a toss-up of lust, submission, and passion. If only there were a word for this transforming magic.

My last partner Master Bruce understood this phenomenon. He understood the depth of submissive vulnerability, and dealt with the emotional pitfalls responsibly, as submissives need from their Dominants. When he saw me teetering on the edge of falling for him, he'd sit me down and have a gentle talk with me. Master Bruce knew himself, and in that knowing was unafraid of me or anything else.

Jernigan is afraid that after the three-week 24/7 contract I will want more from him that he's prepared to give. But I wonder, isn't it natural to want an ongoing relationship with someone who has taken you to the deepest place? Would I want to go there with him even once, knowing that precisely at the three week mark, everything may stop cold? Even if it was not love that we had, but a caring commitment of another sort, wouldn't even that suppose some kind of ongoing conversation?

We started negotiations last week, but as of this writing there has been no meaningful communication for many days. Is he just plain thoughtless to leave me hanging? Is he paralyzed by the reality of negotiating with a real woman? Has he gotten himself in too deep and now doesn't know how to proceed? I may never know. Regardless of the reason, do I want to risk myself for someone who cannot reach back to me when the going gets tough?

So, I'm guessing that things will not go ahead. I'm guessing that while Jernigan has two years of training as a Dom, with paddling and bondage galore, in his heart he is not ready for something with such a strong emotional component as is central to a 24/7 engagement. I still don't know where this will end up, but I'm staying open to the possibilities. For now I will just be present to the limbo state of negotiation; after all… it has only been a week!

………………………… POSTSCRIPT

I had hoped that Jernigan and I would be able to negotiate something workable, but soon after writing the column above I recognized that our goals were not in alignment. Our beliefs about communication differ widely in that I believe that communication is the foundation of any relationship, doubly so for the BDSM persuasion. I can't say quite what Jernigan's perspective is, but it is not the same as mine.

Nevertheless, our negotiation was successful in that we both discovered what we need to know about the other person. Although I didn't like Jernigan's style of communication, I can't fault him for making different choices than I would. People often think that a "negotiation" must lead to the desired goal to be a success, but in fact the negotiation is designed to provide sufficient information to make a decision. It's too bad that I couldn't commit to any further play with him, but I do not regret having experienced this first negotiation, regardless of the outcome. And I will always appreciate the things he taught me about what it means to be a competent Dominant and the opportunity he gave me to get in touch with this deep desire.

Perhaps something else lies ahead for Jernigan and I, but for the moment, this story is complete.

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Submissive Sadie founded Rose & Thorn, Vermont's BDSM social group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at BurlVTSub@aol.com. Sadie believes that the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright September, 2001.

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ALBANY POWER EXCHANGE MUNCH REPORT

BY MASTER DREW

lord_esox@yahoo.com

For more information on the Albany Power eXchange, write:

APeX - the Albany Power eXchange

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/

NewsFromAPeX@aol.com

Albany has a wonderful D/s community of kinksters of all levels of play but all sharing an openness and friendliness that should be a model to strive for any group. I began My trek to Albany by way of Syracuse where I stopped to pick up an incredible young woman who I would spend the next day and a half with. J is a Gorean trained slave and someone who I have spoken with for about a year. In that time we had grown quite close and when I asked her if she wished to join Me for the APeX (Albany Power eXchange) Holiday Play Party she happily said yes. The tickets for this event had gone on sale in November and I felt fortunate to get a pair when I did because the event sold out, as do most ApeX events.

The event was held at the Howard Johnson Motel in Albany. The event began at 6 PM with a buffet dinner. A party disclaimer must be signed before you can join the event (your scene name is fine to use, but it must be signed before entering) We joined a couple, Master Jim and candy, I have known for quite some time for dinner and was happy to see others that I had met at the APeX Fetish Ball in April (several of whom I speak to frequently online). There were a number of people who came and introduced themselves to us, once again showing the openness and friendliness of the Albany community. J has traveled a great deal and has been to many different groups throughout New York and the country (North Carolina, Las Vegas and Seattle, among others) and said that she had never felt so immediately comfortable and in such an easy, friendly atmosphere before. I was completely at ease Myself, being with people I knew and with a darling slave at My side (the collar and leash was nice as well).

There was not a great deal of protocol at the event, at least the Old Guard protocol. It may be the openness of the community and there may be more subtle protocol in place, but it was not so overwhelming that it was obvious.

After the buffet dinner was completed there was a small awards ceremony to give thanks to those who had organized the Albany community. A solo guitarist performed until the two dungeons opened at 9 PM. We unfortunately missed much of his act since we had to return to the room to adjust J’s corset (she looked amazing in it). Announcements were made about how play happens in the dungeons, what is allowed and what isn’t, dungeon safety and how to identify the dungeon monitors.

After 9 we went with Jim and candy to explore the two dungeons. They had brought a pair of school desks with them as well as a couple of other bondage chairs, so we went to the first room to see what was going on there. In addition to our friends toys, there was also a spanking horse, a bondage table and most interesting a latex vacuum bag. For those of you who have not seen one, they are quite an interesting piece of equipment. It is a 3 foot by 7 foot latex zippered bag with a pvc pipe frame. A vacuum is attached to it and the "victim" is placed inside with only the mouth exposed. The vacuum is turned on and the latex sucks the victim tight within it. The person inside can struggle well but is quite well stuck inside the tight grip of the latex. Very neat.

We went to the other dungeon, which was much to My liking. There was a great deal more play going on here and this is where J and I spent the rest of our evening. The only bad thing about this dungeon is that it was in a separate building from the main motel and the only door opened directly to the outside so anyone sitting near the door would get a cold blast when people entered or left. Not so much fun when you are dealing with a sub or slave coming out of subspace.

The equipment in this room was spectacular. There was a simple spanking horse, a very nice spanking bench, a set of homemade stocks and a whipping post with an adjustable height bar to strap your victim to. There was a very interesting portable sling device (which sadly I did not get to see in use) and a stainless steel portable St Andrew’s cross (I believe this is the same cross sold on www.Huse.com). Upon entering we were greeted by a dungeon monitor, a sub of Mistress Charmed (a friend of Mine), who told us about the equipment, said to feel free to use any thing we wanted to, and to watch and ask questions. The only thing that was insisted upon was that the equipment be cleaned after it had been used.

It was very apparent from the beginning of play that most were experienced players. There was no pressure to play and people were moving in and out of the room frequently. Those watching were very polite and the noise level was kept down in respect to those at play. After watching Jim and candy scene on the spanking bench, J and I decided that we would use it next. I needed to run back to our room to get a few more toys to play with and handed Mistress Charmed the leash. She was quite impressed with J, as was I. Our scene went well, lasting about half an hour or so, I took care of cleaning up the bench after taking care of J for quite some time. We watched others play for a while then decided to retire, since both of us had a very long day.

I cannot say enough good things about APeX and the community that has evolved in the Albany area. They are very friendly and I have felt completely comfortable at both the events I have attended. I do intend to attend more events and look forward to more contact with the APeX group.

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WILLIAM'S BDSM POEM

BY WILLIAM

By masterdesade@hotmail.com

i cannot recall what I did

smack

All i know is He is in control of that delightful

smack

pleasure

my eyes were closed to the possibilities

but He opened many doors

smack

i didn't know that something so bad could be so

smack

good

I am barely there

barely here

smack

as he flogs me

the further i go

into nothing...

and into everything

i travel to distant lands

to far away places

smack

but i always hear Him

"Is this too much for you?"

"no"

"Can you feel this?"

"yes"

"Green?"

"green"

smack

off into another world

quiet

peaceful

this peace is only possible with him

my Guardian

my Lighthouse

weathers any storm

confident

caring

taking me to heights i never knew

loving.

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THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA - HUMOR

Many of you have heard Dr. Laura, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. A friend of mine recently obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. At long last we will all know exactly what is on this "Homosexual Agenda." I certainly hope it will assist all of you so that you will be prepared when these leaders reveal their plan...

The Homosexual Agenda...

6:00 AM: Gym

8:00 AM: Breakfast (oatmeal, egg whites and mimosas)

9:00 AM: Hair appointment

10:00 AM: Shopping (preferably at Neiman's or Saks)

12:00 PM: Brunch

2:00 PM: Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, state, and local governments, as well as all other forms of world government, destroy all healthy marriages, replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents from Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels, bulldoze all houses of worship, secure total control of the Internet and all mass media

2:15 PM: Be fabulous

2:30 PM: Mud mask and forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest

4:00 PM: Cocktails

6:00 PM: Light Dinner (soup, salad with romaine, radicchio, arugula, and balsamic vinaigrette dressing, and Pouilly Fuisse)

8:00 PM: Theatre

10:30 PM: "Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight!"

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HOT OFF THE PRESSES - CHANGE IN LEADERSHIP AT ROSE & THORN

I wanted to let all of you know of some changes that are happening at Rose & Thorn. After two and a half years I've decided that it's time to pass my leadership baton to the very capable hands of our core group. This will happen over the next few months, during which time I'll continue to be active with the core group. I will be continuing with my columns and this newsletter as well. We hope to make the transition as transparent as possible to you our guests, although you can probably expect that some things will change.

Are you interested in helping Rose & Thorn move into its next phase? We can certainly use your help! Please contact our Member Liaison Michael at fletch1107@adelphia.net if you'd like to help out.

Thank you all for your support, compliments, and passion over the last few years! Starting this community has been one of the things in my life where I could clearly see that I have improved people's lives.

~ Sadie

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BDSM WEBSITE OF THE WEEK - RECOMMENDED BY OUR READERS

Jay Wiseman's (Author of SM 101) ~Submissive Women Kvetch~

http://members.aol.com/oldrope/

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ROSE & THORN BDSM SOCIAL EVENTS

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For more info contact me: BurlVTSub@aol.com

UPCOMING DATES (Usually the third Saturday of the month):

Saturday January 19^th New Year's Party (Burlington) - This is a PURPLE themed party - please wear a purple accountrement.

Saturday February 16^th Dinner OUT at a restaurant. Please wear evening dress - nothing too wild please!

Saturday March 16^th St. Patrick's Day Party - This is a GREEN themed party - please wear a green accountrement.

Saturday April 20^th

Saturday May 18^th

Saturday June 15^th - THIRD anniversary party!

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REGIONAL VT & NEW ENGLAND BDSM EVENT & ANNOUNCEMENT LIST

***Due to the growing length of this newsletter, we'll be sending out the Regional Events List every few weeks as a separate e-mail. If you need it immediately, please e-mail Sadie for a copy.

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REQUEST COPIES OF OUR MOST POPULAR ARTICLES! Just e-mail Sadie with the one you want.

SUBMISSIVE SADIES'S PRACTICAL TIPS AND STRATEGIES FOR THE BDSM SCENE

Fat Women, Body Image, And Sexual Politics In The BDSM Scene

I've Been Invited To A BDSM Play Party! Should I Go?

Sadie Comes Out As A Bawdy Girl And So Much More - A Two Part Series

Submissive Sadie’s Top 10 List For Dating Doms

Sadie's Prime Directives for Snagging the Domme (or Dom) of your Dreams

A Conversation between Mistress Ren and Submissive Sadie on the Changing Face of BDSM from the Old Guard to the "New Money." + Letters to the editor debating this hot issue

SUBMISSIVE SADIE'S PERSONAL REFLECTIONS ON THE BDSM SCENE

Submissive Sadie Considers A 24/7 - A Two Part Series

Submissive Sadie Gets Slapped

OTHER POPULAR COLUMNS

List of Newsletters and All Articles Run in 2001

What Every Novice Dom/me Should Have In Their Toy Bag - A list from our members

Play Party Etiquette by Mistress Ren of CUFSmaine

SM Vs. Abuse

Ten Rules for Dominants

Chastity Belts by Altairboy

BDSM LISTS AND RESOURCES

R&T Member's Favorite Websites

Consignment shops in Northern Vermont (for dressing BDSM)

Stores & shops that sell BDSM Paraphernalia in Northern Vermont

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ADMINISTRIVIA

MY NEWSLETTER GOT TRUNCATED! WHAT DO I DO?

Some Internet Service Providers do not accept long e-mails (this newsletter is about 8 pages) that come in on a "blind" copy. They probably assume it's spam. We've shortened the newsletter, but we cannot send direct mail because our mailing list is confidential. So if your newsletter gets screwed up in transit, let me know and I'll send you a copy by direct mail or we can send it to an alternate e-mail address. My apologies to those of you with this problem. If anyone wants to query their ISP and find out how to get around this, please let me know.

WANT TO BE OFF THE MAILING LIST?

Just let me know, and off you'll be. No hard feelings. (Please remember that we only have one mailing list, so if you don't get this weekly mailing you won't know upcoming event dates.)

WANT TO BE **ON** THE MAILING LIST?

Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? Just e-mail burlvtsub@aol.com and we'll put you on the mailing list. It's FREE!

PUBLISHING POLICY

Articles must be BDSM related

Non Fiction only (except for poetry and humor). This is an educational forum.

We must have copyright permission to reprint articles.

We will not edit your work so please make sure it is proofread. Please note if I can use your name and e-mail address so readers can respond to you directly.

We will treat you with courtesy and respect and we expect the same. Do not expect us to run your information if you are acting like a jerk.

We only run listings for established BDSM groups that are in alignment with our values. We do not list private play parties.

If you have a concern about the newsletter, please write us about it and include suggestions for fixing the problem. Insults with no corresponding suggestions will not be responded to. For example - one reader accused the newsletter of being "CyberDomme." That may or may not be true, as many of the writers are indeed women, but it did not suggest any solutions (such as this male writer offering to write some articles.)