We are the masters of words we've never spoken and the slaves of the ones we have.

~Sandra West Prowell, in When Wallflowers Die

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THE ROSE & THORN WEEKLY NEWZ

Sunday, October 7^th 2001

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FEATURED ARTICLES IN THIS STEAMING ISSUE:

Fetish/Portrait Photography Now Available From Our Very Own Michael

Come To Our Halloween Party To See Mistress Ren Of CUFSmaine Strut Her Stuff!

BDSM Recipes & Poems Wanted! - by sa_kinah@hotmail.com

Trust: The Foundation - by miria hunter

My Favorite Things - Humor

EVENTS NEAR AND SEMI-NEAR

The Regional Events Listing

ADMINISTRIVIA

Request Copies Of Our Most Popular Articles!

How To Get Off Or On The Mailing List, Newsletter Policy etc.

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FETISH PHOTOGRAPHY NOW AVAILABLE FROM OUR VERY OWN MICHAEL

Michael from the Rose & Thorn core group is now doing fetish (and regular) photography in his home studio. You can see a sample of his work (of Submissive Sadie) attached to this newsletter. Because he is relatively new to portrait/fetish photography (although not photography in general) he is offering a special deal to Rose & Thorn newsletter readers. While he is building up his portfolio he will be doing the sitting at cost. The set he did with Sadie cost less than $50.

You can contact him directly at: fletch1107@adelphia.net

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COME TO OUR HALLOWEEN PARTY TO SEE MISTRESS REN OF CUFSmaine STRUT HER STUFF!

Mistress Ren of CUFSmaine will be our guest speaker, and she will be demonstrating different ways to use various BDSM toys, such as exotic floggers, sensation toys, and slappers. She will also demo "non-BDSM BDSM toys," such as household gadgets, hardware store finds, pet store goodies, etc. Many seemingly innocent items can be utilized to create a hot scene... and Ren, with the help of Submissive Sadie (and her two most fabulous assets), will show you how!

Everyone who would like to participate will be able to volunteer and experience the sensations of the many different items - some harmless turned perverse, and some perverse turned absolutely delicious! You will never look at some household items the same way again! More info in the Regional Events List below.

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BDSM RECIPES & POEMS WANTED!

sa_kinah@hotmail.com

sa`kinah of ALU in Maine is in the process of developing a BDSM recipe book for people in the lifestyle. She welcomes recipes and poems from Dom/mes, Subs, Switches and everyone in between! Please send your materials to her directly. (I'd also love to run your poetry in this newsletter if you want to copy me on the poetry - thanks!)

For more information on Alternative Lifestyles United (ALU) contact:

http://alur.xohost.com

email: info@alur.xohost.com

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TRUST: THE FOUNDATION

BY MIRIA HUNTER

miria_hunter@softhome.net

Trust, for some, is such a little thing, merely given lip service and never a second thought. But in the world of D/s trust is the foundation upon which everything else is built. There are many definitions of trust, but Miriam Webster's Dictionary says it well: assured reliance on the character, strength, or truth of someone or something. In order for a submissive to be able to give of themselves to a Dominant, there has to be unconditional trust in all aspects of the relationship. Basic trust is something we tend to give easily to most people. But the trust that goes deeper, the kind that means you would trust your very life (for REAL) to someone, is not a trust that can be built in just days or weeks. This much deeper level of trust can often take years to establish, and honesty is its foundation.

Before you can be honest with others, you must learn how to be honest with yourself. How many times have you done things you did not like, enjoy or even want to do but instead lied to yourself and realized you were acting just to please someone else? Are you being honest with yourself when you respond this way? Are you being honest with your partner? Your first step should be self-discovery. The first person you have to learn to be honest with is you! Once you learn self-honesty, you will find that honesty with others comes easier, like second nature. Self-honesty does not come easy when you first enter this lifestyle. There will be many things that tempt, intrigue, and even scare you. When you first begin, you won't know what you really want, but that will come in time with learning more about yourself. Also take stock in yourself with honesty. What are your good and your bad points? Learn to enhance your attributes but never hide the faults from someone. Some of us have faults that we really can't change, but most can be altered in some way or another.

Suppose you have found that special someone online. You're chatting for hours on-end. You are so sure this one is THE one you have been waiting your whole life for. I have seen more than one submissive build their whole life around someone they have only talked to online and on the phone. Regrettably, most of these relationships have never worked out further than the first or second meeting. Why? Because, one member was not totally honest with the other. Maybe one sent a 10-year-old picture and had since lost all their hair. Or one said, "Yes, I love doing all those things you enjoy." There are so many white lies that people tell! Who hasn't? Looks shouldn't matter, but they can when the picture you hold of someone you love is not who they really are. I had a wonderful friend online who was single and childless. We talked for months, with Master and me helping her through some very difficult times: a car accident ending with her having to have a hysterectomy, an ex-boyfriend who was stalking her, to name only a few. The end result? She remains a bored housewife with 2 young girls. When talking online, little lies can be so easy to say, after all no one can see your face to determine if you are telling the truth or not. It's easy to type in 120 pounds when the reality is at least 170, or that you are unmarried, or any of numerous lies I have heard. So what if you are a waitress or a cashier or a Vice president? All are honorable professions. The hardest part is telling someone else the truth. When you tell the truth, no matter how ugly or hard, you will find your circle of friends to be unique: people who truly know the real you and care about you, even with this knowledge. Around these people, you won't have to worry if you will be found out and lose what you are building. If you don't like something about yourself, change it in real life, and NOT in words only.

It's easy enough to agree to things that you don't want to do in order to please someone else. I am guilty myself of doing this in the past and then hating myself later. That self-loathing was also slowly and unconsciously transferred to the person I was trying to please. This resentment was not fair to them, I agree. But the human mind and heart are not always fair. I still have a habit of saying, "Whatever makes you happy!" I have learned, however, to only say that if all options will work for me as well. Now, when I do have a preference, I clearly state it. Being honest about what you want and need is only the first step in building the foundation of trust you will need if you truly want to live this lifestyle. But this first step truly establishes the foundation for everything else that will follow.

Integrity is an extremely important aspect of establishing trust. The person you are with has to know that your values are true, and not merely something created to match theirs. In return, you will need to know that you can count on them to adhere to their code of values. When you are being tied up is NOT the time to start worrying if they do or don't have the integrity needed to keep you safe. You need to know beforehand that they won't breach any negotiated limits and will listen to, and abide by your safe words. The same constraints apply to them if you are the one doing the binding. Both Dominants and submissives need to trust in the other, to speak honestly if things are going to fast, to slow, or to intense. Not doing so can literally have life and death consequences, be it yours or someone else's. Are you willing to risk another's or even your own life just to try and impress someone? If you are, you seriously need to consider why you would place yourself in such jeopardy. No justification is ever good enough for endangering someone else. During a scene, integrity is what can mean the difference between safety and blind vulnerability.

In most relationships, the Dom provides a formal structure that the sub must adhere to. If the relationship is long distance, the Dom only has the subs word that they are adhering to boundaries, and truly performing tasks established by the Dom. The Dom must trust in the sub's word that they are doing as they are directed. Sometimes, it is so tempting to merely say, "Yes, I did or didn't do something," when in reality you are telling a lie to make your life a little easier. The sub also has to trust that the Dom will fulfill their responsibilities to the sub. If the Dom does not fulfill these responsibilities, the sub may slowly start to rebel, often not realizing what they are doing until it is too late. The decisions and choices you make with respect to unsupervised obedience will be your own. Though others may offer opinions or ideas, in the end, it is you who decides the extent and validity of your performance. You are the one responsible for your own actions, and you should accept responsibility by admitting to them. Remember, it's easier to make choices that do not later require apologies and forgiveness. You may offer, or be offered an apology and you might even accept. But in the back of your mind, you will always remember the incident, and the truth you knew that was betrayed. Having this lingering uncertainty can be one of many ways the foundation of trust can start to crumble.

I have seen too many people try to justify dishonesty by stating that it's just better the other person not know, or that they didn't need to know. Keeping secrets and white lies are still dishonest and can rapidly destroy trust. Secrets are very hard to keep hidden from others. Someday, somehow they always have a way of coming to light and you will be found out. The only person you are protecting by lying or hiding things is yourself. What to you may seem a small incident, may to the other party seem to be a big issue, merely because you attempted to hide it. Secrets and hiding makes others ask questions. "If it was so small, why did they hide it? There must be more that I don't know!" We tend to hide those things that cause us embarrassment, skirt things that we find uncomfortable, and generally make terrible choices. Many times, lying seems to be the easiest choice in the beginning of a relationship. But, in the end, honesty always turns out to be best.

Being reliable is also is an absolute must. If you say you are going to do something, then by all means, do it. Don't make excuses, or lie. Your Dom/sub counts on you to be reliable as well.

In order to be respected, you must be respectable: in other words, worth another's respect. If you are continuously dishonest, you demonstrate a lack of respect to those around you, as well as for yourself. Respect is something that is earned from others by your actions. Respect can just as easily be lost by your actions as well. Act respectable, be respectable, and you will earn the respect you need in this lifestyle. Honesty, integrity, respectability, reliability, and responsibility all lead to absolute trust. Remember, the first gift in submission is trust. But trust must be created from honesty and respect. The loss of either of these can do irreversible damage to a relationship. D/s requires absolute trust in all aspects, from all parties participating. When doubt arises, it slowly erodes the foundation of trust. Even if one corrects their ways after a trust is broken, it is very slow to be rebuilt the second time, if at all. The gift of total trust is not to be taken lightly. Please treat it with the care it deserves. After all, once a foundation starts to crumble, the whole structure will soon fall.

~ Rick's miria

I wish to thank my wonderful friend peter for his help in editing this article and making it readable to everyone else.

Anyone wishing to use this article on their site or mailing list may do so as long as my name and email address remain on them. Giving credit where it belongs. miria_hunter@softhome.net

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MY FAVORITE THINGS

and ... you know the song ... sing away!

Dildoes and corsets and Chainmail Bikinis

Black Leather cages you lock on your weenies

Fetish and fashion and pierced nipple rings

These are a few of my favorite things ...

When the lash bites

When the crop stings

When it hits the Spot

I simply remember my favorite things

And it makes me feel ... so hot!!

Wrist cuffs and collars and straps of black leather

Chrome chains and Padlocks to hold them together

Tease whips and gags sort the girls from the boys

These are a few of my favorite toys ...

Nip Clips and Clit clips and Ball gags and Blindfolds

Dildoes and butt plugs to stop up your assholes

Enema pipes and some new "KY" gel

All delivered in brown paper, so the neighbors can't tell ...

Bottle green panties like the girls wore in school

A brief French maids outfit to make your mouth drool

Black halter tops and a PVC skirt

And a long leather whip ... Oh yes, that will hurt!!

Floggers and paddles and crops of black leather

Rubber and latex are fun in all weather

Canes of rattan that deliver a sting

All these and more are my favorite things!!!

When the lash bites

When the crop stings

When it hits the Spot

I simply remember my favorite things

And it makes me feel ... so hot!!

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REGIONAL VT & NEW ENGLAND BDSM EVENT LIST

****This list has been updated with most of the organized BDSM groups in the New England area plus one time events at the bottom.

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ROSE & THORN BDSM SOCIAL EVENTS

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For more info contact me: BurlVTSub@aol.com

UPCOMING DATES (Usually the third Saturday of the month):

Saturday October 20^th (Burlington) - Halloween Party! Wear a costume and win kinky and ghoulish prizes for best BDSM, most outrageous, most creative, and best costumes!

THE HALLOWEEN DEMO: Mistress Ren of CUFSmaine will be our guest speaker, and she will be demonstrating different ways to use various BDSM toys, such as exotic floggers, sensation toys, and slappers. She will also demo "non-BDSM BDSM toys," such as household gadgets, hardware store finds, pet store goodies, etc. Many seemingly innocent items can be utilized to create a hot scene... and Ren, with the help of Submissive Sadie (and her two most fabulous assets), will show you how!

Everyone who would like to participate will be able to volunteer and experience the sensations of the many different items - some harmless turned perverse, and some perverse turned absolutely delicious! You will never look at some household items the same way again!

Saturday November 17^th Thanksgiving Party (Burlington)

Saturday December 15^th Holiday party & BDSM Gift Swap (Richmond). This is a RED themed party - please wear a red accountrement.

Saturday January 19^th New Year's Party (Burlington) - This is a PURPLE themed party - please wear a red accountrement.

Saturday February 16^th Dinner OUT at a restaurant. Please wear evening dress - nothing too wild please!

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OTHER GROUPS & EVENTS NEARBY

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****This data is for informational purposes only. It does not imply endorsement by Rose & Thorn of any organization listed here, nor does R&T accept any liability for activities held.

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POWER EXCHANGE OF NEW ENGLAND (PENE) - formerly LEATHERBOUND NORTHEAST)

For more info contact: trishnh@hotmail.com

http://welcome.to/PENE

Power Exchange of New England (Pansexual). Monthly munches, socials, and special events. Serving southern NH and VT. Munches every second Tuesday at the Elm City Pub and Brewery in the Colony Mill Marketplace, 222 West Street, Keene NH. Social nights out the last Friday of each month at the Rainbow Cattle Co. Rt. 5 East Dummerston VT. from 8:30-? casual dress.

October 13th PENE's Halloween Party. Halloween attire desired. Alstead NH

October 26th Social Night Out - Rainbow Cattle Co. 8-midnight.

November 10th - SPANKSGIVING PARTY... Spanking contest, donations sought to

help battered women.

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WEST LEBANON, NH BDSM MUNCH

For more info contact: UVMunch@valley.net

Munch is at the Powerhouse Mall in West Lebanon from 2:00 to 4:30 PM.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UVMunch/

Oct 21^st

Nov 18^th

Dec 16^th

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WHITE MOUNTAINS MUNCH *** New Group!

For more info contact: Ppmpv@sover.net

Location: The Mill at Lincoln, Lincoln NH

Millfront Marketplace's food court Route 112 in Lincoln, NH - off Exit #32 on I-93.

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D/S-NEWHAMPSHIRE MUNCH

hizangel_BB@ds-newhampshire.org

www.ds-newhampshire.org

Held in Londonderry - Second Saturday of each month, 11:30 AM to 3:00 PM, at WhipperSnappers restaurant on Route 102 in Londonderry, NH. Hosted by the founders of the #D/s-NewHampshire IRC channel on irc.bondage.com.

For details, subscribe to the e-mail list at:

Ds-NewHampshire-subscribe@yahoogroups.com,

or visit

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ds-ewHampshire,

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BOUND FOR PLEASURE

heather@bfp.com

New England BDSM social group that firmly believes in Safe, Sane and Consensual activities that will reflect on the B/D, D/S, S/M, Fetish and Alternative Lifestyle Communities in a healthy and positive light.

Munches at North Shore Mall , Peabody MA

4th Wednesday of every month

6:30 PM to closing

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WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS POWER EXCHANGE

MsAlexandra@wmpe.org

413-782-8829

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CUFSmaine

CUFSmaine@aol.com

www.cufsmaine.org

Mistress Ren or Master LesVoiles

A free support, social, and education group located in Southern and Central Maine, serving Maine and New England. Our primary base of operations is Portland, Maine. We offer: monthly Munch meetings at a local restaurant/banquet center the last Sunday of every month, a monthly Newsletter, available both online (free) and via snail mail (yearly subscription to cover printing and postage costs). Also, CUFSmaine hosts bi-monthly (sometimes monthly) classes and seminars at a location safe for newbies. CUFSmaine sponsors the annual Maine B & D Shopping Spree each fall in Portland, Maine, as well as the summer time Kinky Scavenger Hunt.

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***NEW GROUP!

Alternative Lifestyles United (ALU)

http://alur.xohost.com

email: info@alur.xohost.com

ALU meets every third Saturday of the month at Augustine's in Lewiston Maine. This is a social group for people of alternative lifestyles who wish

to unite and meet others.

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CENTRAL MAINE ALLIANCE

CMA@CentralMaineAlliance.org

BDSM social & educational organization serving Maine. Our munches are held the 2nd Saturday of each month, with the place alternating between Augusta and Auburn. In addition we hold classes and other special events throughout the year, and also provide a monthly newsletter, which comes out the 4th Saturday of each month.

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UNITED LEATHERFOLK OF CT

a non-profit BDSM support/social group.

http://lauragoodwin.org

laura@lauragoodwin.org

United Leatherfolk of CT (Pansexual) founded in March 1990, is a non-profit support and social group for BDSM men and women of all orientations. Intimate and very friendly. Not public. No fees. Contact me via email if you wish to be considered for membership. This club is especially welcoming and helpful for singles and newbies, but enthusiasts at all levels of development will be comfortable with us. Don't be alone in a crowd: join ULC for the personal attention you need. Email Laura Goodwin for membership info.

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WESTCHESTER DOM/ME S SUB

Master.Dyh@verizon.net

Northern Suburbs of NYC, primarily Westchester, Munches on the first Sunday of every month at 5 PM. Play parties on the third Friday of the month.

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ROCHESTER KINK SOCIETY

http://www.rks-society.com/events.htm

BDSM organization located in Rochester, NY. Our Mission: To provide BDSM and Kink-Oriented persons with a safe space for learning, practicing, and discussing BDSM and related kink. Holding monthly munches, meetings, demonstrations, workshops, playparties and online discussions.

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NEW ENGLAND LEATHER ALLIANCE

NELA is an organization dedicated to making a safe place in the world for all leather/fetishes/SM people through education, advocacy, and charitable giving. They have an excellent quarterly newsletter, and are well known throughout New England as one of our premier organizations. Membership is only $10 (what a deal!) which give you free entry to the Fetish Flea Market in Boston.

www.nla-newengland.org

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BOSTON DUNGEON SOCIETY

www.bostondungeon.org

bds-staff@bdsbbs.com

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MASTERS AND SLAVES TOGETHER (MasT)

www.mast.net/boston

BosDsCpl@aol.com

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THE NORTHEAST EROTIC SPANKING SOCIETY (NESS/TEP)

PO Box 540441

Waltham, MA 02454-0441

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PADDLEBORO DEFENSE LEAGUE

www.paddleboro.com

info@paddleboro.com

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CANADA

DSSG - Dominant/submissive Support Group

http://www.dssg.org

dssg@home.com

Munches. workshops, Kinky Craft Fairs & play parties in Hamilton, Ontario

Discussion group in Toronto, Ontario

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ONE TIME BDSM EVENTS

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***ASK FOR THE R&T MEMBER DISCOUNT!

4TH ANNUAL LET YOUR DESIRES ROAM WEEKEND

Friday OCTOBER 19,2001 through Sunday OCTOBER 21, 2001in the Poconos.

Hosted by DsDesires

Barry & Gina

http://www.dsdesires.com

718 729-9166

All inclusive...lodgings, meals, snacks, recreational activities, BDSM activities...and all on resort premises...at an absolutely beautiful time of year.

BDSM activities will include Demos/Workshops on Bondage by Master Brent aka PD of Insex, Flogging by Domina Z, Mummification/Sensory Deprivation Play by Mistress Kali of Fetishes Boutique, Hot Wax Play by Barry & Gina, Relationship Workshop by Master Ron & claire. Other activities: Play Auction, 5000 square foot Main Dungeon, Private Equipped Play Rooms, BDSM Games & Prizes, Free Raffle for a Love Swing, Parties, fetish shopping opportunities and more!!!

Plus there's:

- Large Private Rooms, each with a fireplace and Jacuzzi, cable color TV, phone, coffee maker and refrigerator.

- All meals included...Full Country-style Breakfast, Buffet Lunch, 5 course Candlelit Dinner with live piano music, 24 hour coffee and snacks.

- Dare-to-Go-Bare Bonfire (we know how much you enjoyed last years!)

- Trap Shooting

- Golf Driving Range

- Hayrides

- Nature Trails, Lakes

- Tandem Bicycle Riding

- Dance Lounge

- Bar Lounge

- Indoor Heated Pool

- Indoor Tennis

- Indoor Miniature Golf

- Indoor Archery

- Indoor Rifle Range

- Indoor Bowling

- Fitness Room

- Game Room

and more...some will be surprises!!!

Space is limited so register EARLY, our weekends sell out quickly. For full details visit http://www.dsdesires.com/wkend.htm

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CARTER STEVENS POCONO FALL FLING

Nov 9-11 2001

Full details and updates are available on the web at http://www.smnews.com/parties/party-01.htm

The Carter Stevens Fall Party in the Poconos is selling out much more quickly than we expected. All the quality of a world class resort and a first class weekend long party with separate areas for Fetish play and spanking only participants. The official confirmed date is November 9-11, 2001. Early arrival and late departure dates are also available at additional costs.

We have held the line on price. We are keeping this party at our same low 1998 prices. $550 per couple, $425 per Single male (Subject to Double occupancy), $250 per Single Female (Subject to Double occupancy). Early arrival and late departure also available at extra cost ($80/couple per night including a meal). These prices will never be this low again.

Be sure to mention membership in any recognized spanking or Fetish support group to receive a 5% discount on the party weekend. (Make sure you mention if you have attended former Carter Stevens weekends to receive an even bigger discount!)

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REQUEST COPIES OF OUR MOST POPULAR ARTICLES! Just e-mail Sadie with the one you want.

ARTICLES BY SUBMISSIVE SADIE:

How to Get Involved in the BDSM Lifestyle

Mistress Sadie Speaks

Submissive Sadie's Top Ten Tips for Dating Doms

Sadie Comes Out and So Much More!

I've Been Invited To A Play Party! Should I go?

FAQ about Rose & Thorn

What Every Novice Dom/me Should Have In Their Toy Bag - A list from our members

OTHER POPULAR COLUMNS

Play Party Etiquette by Mistress Ren of CUFSmaine

SM Vs. Abuse

Ten Rules for Dominants

Chastity Belts by Altairboy

BDSM LISTS AND RESOURCES

R&T Member's Favorite Websites

Consignment shops in Northern Vermont (for dressing BDSM)

Stores & shops that sell BDSM Paraphernalia in Northern Vermont

BDSM Symbol patches & other items

Books

Movies

Songs

POEMS

By Cynthia, Flirt, Bruce, Josephine, Anne & Amber

ARTICLES IN THE GROUP LEADER SERIES - BY SUBMISSIVE SADIE

The Trials and Tribulations… and Joys, of Running Rose & Thorn of Vermont. (And Tips on How To Start Your Own Group!)

How to Screen Guests for a BDSM Organization

Managing A Large E-Mail Addresses List – Tips & Tricks for Peace of Mind

ADMINISTRIVIA

WANT TO BE OFF THE MAILING LIST?

Just let me know, and off you'll be. No hard feelings. (Please remember that we only have one mailing list, so if you don't get this weekly mailing you won't know upcoming event dates.)

WANT TO BE **ON** THE MAILING LIST?

Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? Just e-mail burlvtsub@aol.com and we'll put you on the mailing list. It's FREE!

SHARE THE WEALTH

Feel free to forward this newsletter to any BDSM folk you know.

PUBLISHING POLICY