BDSM POEM OF THE WEEK

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THE ROSE & THORN WEEKLY NEWZ

Sunday, May 20^th, 2001

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IN THIS ISSUE:

Flirt's First Rose & Thorn Party - A Poem

What To Tell Vanillas About What It Is That We Do - By Laura Goodwin, Founder/Director of United Leatherfolk of CT

The Regional Events Listing

Administrivia (How to get off or on the mailing list, submit articles, upcoming topics etc.)

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MY FIRST ROSE & THORN PARTY!

By Flirt

BevB01@msn.com

Along the way, my Dom did say:

"The rules correct, I will expect.

Stay by my side, your time just bide.

I will protect, my sub select."

With my shoulders bare,

Dressed in black velvet wear,

There was no place for to pin,

Thus, my name tag was stuck to my skin!

Our hosts were most gracious,

Their home beautiful and spacious.

They’d a most intriguing archway.

'Twas very proudly on display.

My fears were all groundless,

As to how I should dress.

The costumes were all varied,

Yet, to "black" most seemed married.

Tried to relax and keep my cool,

Worried I’d inadvertently break a rule.

Social etiquette wasn’t clear,,,,

Un faux pas, I did so fear!

How to answer the questions with tact,

And yet,,, only share so much facts.

Helped by the "S" & "D" s on the name tags,

To sort out what is everyone’s bag.

Still, it was tough to keep straight who’s single,

And who, in the future might give me a jingle.

Even tougher, to keep paired the couples,

Whose proximity to each other juggles?

Awaiting, the demo: The single tailed whip.

Wielded expertly, no skin did he strip.

Just lovingly pinked her sweet pale cheeks,

Humorously, educating between tweaks.

I jumped in response to the "crack"!

As he snapped the whip back.

Tense with great anticipation,

Both of fear and jubilation!

Just imagining myself in her place.

I could feel my blood rush to my face.

Would I ever be brave enough to try?

And in the face of others let fly?

I declined, most timidly.

Yet in the future, we will see!

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WHAT TO TELL VANILLAS ABOUT WHAT IT IS THAT WE DO

By Laura Goodwin

http://lauragoodwin.org

lalaura@altavista.net

In spite of complaints from some within the scene that such efforts candy-coat the leather life and soft-soap the public, producing outreach materials which target the vanilla public is a necessity. The public doesn't need or want the dirty details: that only distracts them. The issues are the right to consent, and the right to keep your private life private.

Vanillas are not going to support us in a fight to legalize pro domination, or the right to drag each other around on leashes in front of their kids. Make your peace with that fact. File that under NEVER. Let's move on.

Many vanilla people are surprised to learn that S/M includes erotic spanks, scratches, and bites, which are amazingly common forms of erotic expression. They are also surprised to find out that S/M practitioners can fall in love, and that they enjoy conventional sex acts such as oral sex and intercourse.

Many people seem to think that most S/M aficionados are (to them) scary leathered-up gay males, and prostitutes. Therefore the idea of a loving and outwardly normal hetro set of parents who are *good* parents as well as private kinkos is a difficult concept for conservative, vanilla people. They frankly find it hard to believe, and that's too bad.

To the people we need to reach it looks like the punks are taking over and the world is going to the dogs. We have to offer assurances that we are not part of the problem.

It's not what we do, but how we do it. Look at how we are presenting to the public. There is room for improvement. The way it is now, only people with a book to sell, pro dominatrices, and leather titleholders (90+% Gay) are out there. These people aren't exactly representative of the average BDSM person. The greatest need is for reasonable, personable, and outwardly "normal" heterosexual men and women who are willing to be presented to the public as representatives of the BDSM community. If some courageous couples would come forward, who are palatable to the general public, who would do this, it would be great. I think it will be hard to find such people, because the risk of exposure is terrifying for them, unless they make their living from serving the leather community. Perhaps if these P.R. reps had the organized backing of some kind, they could bring themselves to risk it.

I have learned that the *less* the vanilla public learns about exactly WIITWD in the dungeon, the easier it is for them to focus on the issues of consent, and making personal adult choices. Remember, these are folks who are sickened by the details. Trust me, if they wanted to know, they could read a book. You have to put it to them in such a way that they aren't assaulted by graphic descriptions. The less prurient these materials are, the better it is. If it's handed out by Peace Corps types, even better. ;) If you are facially tattooed and pierced they are less likely to look at you, and take the pamphlet from your hand. It's not the way it should be, but it is the way it is.

The problem might seem overwhelming, but the truth is that vanillas enjoy finding out that they have one less thing to worry about. Leatherfolk are not a threat to them, in fact, quite the opposite. We bring something positive to the mix. We have fresh ideas about love, beauty, truth and life. For example, we advocate honesty and deep intimacy between sex partners, which to some is a radical idea, but a good one. Your average vanilla person is secretly aching for deeper intimacy and real sexual satisfaction, and they are intrigued to learn that this is one method that works.

Our way of life and loving is not a crime, a sickness, nor a moral failing. It's a matter of taste. It's a matter of freedom of (and from) religion. It's a matter of love. It's a very personal thing, relating to mating and marriage.

In our favor is our insistence on consenting adult partners and responsible practice.

Give the vanilla public credit: they can certainly understand that the right to consent and the right to privacy are issues that equally effect them. Why we are concerned about these things they don't need to know too much about, but that we are willing to fight for sexual rights is often seen by them as heroic, which it is.

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For those of you who never read our Q&A, or maybe it's been a few months or a few years since we sent you information on Rose & Thorn - here's our standard FAQ which has answers to just about every darned question I've ever been asked!

ABOUT ROSE & THORN

The Rose & Thorn society of Northern Vermont is a community of adults involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle, sometimes including elements of bondage and discipline. Rose & Thorn is an informal organization with no formal charter. We host monthly social events which help build community and friendships between our members who are all adults and share these interests. Our parties are held at the private homes of our members. There is no money involved in membership of Rose and Thorn, and there is no money charged for entry to our parties. We encourage our members to follow the basic watchwords of "safe, sane, and consensual" in their activities, and we actively educate those interested in this lifestyle about what these important words mean. Every guest who attends our parties has been screened in advance, to determine the sincerity of their interest in this lifestyle.

WHAT IS OUR MISSION?

Our goal is to build a community where people with interests in alternative expressions of eroticism and sensuality have a safe and private space to explore this aspect of their lives. Our organization is informal and flexible in its structure, as are our parties.

WHAT ARE THE PARTIES LIKE?

We try to schedule one social event each month at one of the guest's homes which are usually within an hour's drive of Burlington, VT. Our events usually include about 40 guests. All personal information is confidential. The events are social events, NOT sex parties or orgies, so please don't attend expecting any sexual content.

WHO GOES TO THESE EVENTS?

The parties usually include an even mix of doms, subs, and in between, usually about 40 people total. Age varies greatly from about 21 to 60 years old. Most of the guests are hetro, many bisexual/bi-curious and a few are gay, lesbian, and transgendered. Some of the guests are very experienced, many are novice. The Vermont community is very young, and our guests generally do not embody the more extreme styles as one might find in the big cities.

We usually get a good number of couples plus 30 or so single women and men. As is common in the scene, there are usually more men than women at these parties. For this reason, we do usually have a cap on single heterosexual men, in part to increase the comfort level of single, heterosexual women, and in part because we feel the energy of a gathering is positively influenced by the more balanced presence of both men and women. We encourage an atmosphere where individuality is valued, and we discourage a "pick-up" or "meat market" mentality.

LADIES! - we do encourage you especially to attend! If you would like to meet with one of us first, we can set that up. We want you to feel as safe as possible.

Our goal is to encourage people to meet others. You will find that everyone is pretty darn "normal." We all have jobs and reputations to protect. As far as I know there are no 100% lifestyle players locally. For most of us the BDSM element is something we do in the bedroom, not live out day in and day out. It is a small community, so we can provide you with references for anyone you meet there.

WHAT IS D/S EVENING DRESS/WHAT IS THE DRESS CODE?

D/s Dress can mean a lot of things. A few guests go all out with leather, chains, and cool outfits - and we encourage you to dress this way if you have the clothes. Many people have a more modest closet, so a dressy look is fine. This usually translates to a lot of black suits/shirts/pants and dresses, but you are free to dress in whatever way turns you on. Add a little spark to otherwise ordinary clothing by wearing one dramatic or BDSM element: a colorful vest, fedora hat, stockings & garter belt, leather chaps or jacket, collar, handcuff earrings, or something of that nature.

We encourage you to use your creativity to dress in a D/s mode - and we are especially appreciative of creative ways to use normal household items - you do NOT have to spend big bucks on a wardrobe, unless you want to. Also, if you wear bold colors like hot pink or purple, you will definitely stand out. Guests new to the scene tend to dress in nice, but otherwise pedestrian clothing. And, there are usually one or two people cross-dressing, including our official maid "Maria" who wears a killer French maid outfit, and who is also on our steering committee.

In general our dress code follows that of the Boston Flea Market which is: No nudity (except during demos). Wear your fetish wear, but abide by the laws regarding public exposure. For women: no exposed nipples. For everyone: no pubic hair, no genitalia, and in the back, no bare buttocks.

I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE WITH BDSM - WILL I BE UNCOMFORTABLE?

Many of the guests are not all that experienced in the lifestyle which is fine, but we do discourage "looky-loos" from attending the parties as they could make regular guests feel uncomfortable. In general we welcome everyone and don't ask anyone what they do or how they do it. There are always several experienced players who tend to be the center of the party, mostly because we are confident and used to talking about our lifestyles. You will find the events a good place to learn about how things work.

I'M A SUBMISSIVE (OR SUB-CURIOUS). DOES THIS MEAN I'LL HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ANY DOMINATE TELLS ME TO DO AT THE PARTY?

No. Submission is a choice and is the subject of negotiation between a sub and a Dominant to establish boundaries and limitations for their interaction. If your experience is limited to cyberspace, you should know that real time involves different dynamics. You are not expected to drop to your knees at the feet of strangers when you enter the room in real time. (Unless this is a personal style choice and a way you enjoy expressing your submission, then feel free to do so.) Likewise, not every submissive feels that automatically calling every Dominant Master-Sir-Ma'am-Mistress is appropriate. Some subs feel these titles are earned through their interaction experiences, and some Dominants prefer to be addressed in this fashion only during actual scenes (or not at all).

WHAT DOES IT MEAN THAT SOMEONE WILL "SCREEN" ME?

The screening process is designed to weed out people who aren't really interested in or involved in D/s -- we don't want gawkers at gatherings -- and to be sure that guests are 'safe, sane, consensual D/s lifestyle folks.

We like to know who you are, where you live, your phone number (all real identity details are kept confidential by whoever screens you). In the history of our group, such confidential details have never been breached. We've discovered that the requirement of giving one's phone number & other real details screens out a large number of people who don't want their identities to be known for possibly unhealthy reasons. If people aren't comfortable with a couple of people knowing who they are & how they can be reached, then we aren't comfortable with their attending our parties.

If people come to us personally recommended by a member of the group, then we don't require screening. The point is that for every person in our group, SOMEONE knows who they are in real life. While your concern may be to protect your privacy (most understandable), OUR primary concern is that our group have in it only genuine D/s lifestyle people who are safe to have in our community... which actually protects your individual privacy in the long run.

We also like to know if people are Dom/sub/or switch, hetro/bi/bi-curious/gay/lesbian/transgendered, single or coupled, and a little about their D/s history -- complete newbies, or the extent of their experience. Talking about such things gives us a chance to get a feel for people. "Weirdoes" or gawkers give themselves away in the course of such conversations.

HOW CAN I GET THE E-MAIL ADDRESSES OF GUESTS SO I CAN CONTACT THEM?

As mentioned, our mailing list is absolutely confidential. After each party we do send out a list of the guests and their e-mail addresses to the other guests. If you do not wish to have your e-mail address included on the list, we won't include it. We always query the list first to make sure everyone is comfortable with having their e-mail address shared.

HOW DID THE PARTIES GET STARTED?

The first BDSM party was in June of 1999. I founded this group because I felt that we should not be ashamed or secretive about our sexual orientation or our erotic interests, and also because my partner, Master Bruce, was moving out of state. (you could call it enlightened self interest). The parties are a great place to meet potential partners and lots of people have met friends, lovers, and play partners (including me!).

FAQ's AVAILABLE WHICH WE WILL SEND YOU UPON REQUEST:

1. What is BDSM all about? (for people new to the lifestyle)

2. How do I get more involved and meet others in the scene?

3. A list of our member's favorite BDSM web sites including some excellent fetish photography sites.

4. Submissive Sadie's series of columns on the BDSM lifestyle "Sadie Speaks!"

5. The Regional Events List which includes BDSM events around New England.

WHO IS THE CORE GROUP/STEERING COMMITTEE? WHAT DO THEY DO?

The Rose & Thorn Core Group includes ten people, with four women and six men. We have all been active with the group for some time, and all have moderate to high experience in BDSM. We make the policies for Rose & Thorn, and take responsibility for the practical side of managing our 300+ mailing list, organizing parties, arranging for demos, screening new guests, and that sort of thing. The information in this Q&A has been developed by us with much discussion.

We have an open policy to new members, so if you want to be more involved with R&T please let us know. Even if you are not a core member, we are always looking for "goodwill ambassadors."

If you have a problem or a concern with anything at our events, the person to contact first is me (Sadie - BurlVTSub@aol.com). I will take your problem to the group and we will make a decision on it, and assist you in any way you can. We also want to know if any of our members are acting inappropriately or unsafely. Our community is very small, and we want to protect and support each other, and particularly newbies to the lifestyle.

OTHER LEGAL POLICY STUFF:

1. All guests must be 21 years old or over

2. No drugs

3. There is a two drink limit, and we do not provide alcohol. Anyone who becomes inebriated will be asked to leave.

4. Unfortunately, due to recent legal issues, we cannot allow professional Doms/Dommes to attend these events. We are very sorry about this, but we cannot put ourselves or our guests at risk.

5. There is no cost to attend

WHAT IS THE SITUATION WITH THE LEGAL ISSUES REGARDING THE RAID IN ATTLEBORO?

We are aware of that situation and have taken steps to prevent such a thing happening at our events, which include not handling money and only hosting parties at private homes. We also ask you to be prepared for a "vanilla drill" which prepares us for a situation in which a neighbor or authority figure come to the house for any reason (such as a noise complaint or something similar). In this case you would be instructed to make sure you are fully clothed (in order to look "vanilla") and put away any BDSM toys that are in view. The Host and the Core Group members are prepared to manage the situation.

If you want to read more about the Attleboro situation, go to this web site:

http://www.nla-newengland.org/attleboro.html

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So there you are. Please feel free to ask me any questions you have.

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REGIONAL VT & NEW ENGLAND BDSM EVENT LIST

What's here? Scroll down for listings from us and our sister organizations throughout New England. There's TONS of BDSM stuff going on!

ROSE & THORN BDSM SOCIAL EVENTS

For more info contact me: BurlVTSub@aol.com

UPCOMING DATES:

Saturday June 2nd - (Burlington) *specially scheduled interim event.. Entertainment: The BDSM "Question Box" circle discussion.

Saturday June 23rd - (Richmond) - This is our SECOND ANNIVERSARY BASH! Come celebrate with us! This is a "Show & Tell" Theme party. Several of our guests make their own BDSM toys and will be bringing them in to show you how to create cool and inexpensive stuff. This website also has some great ideas: http://www.frugaldomme.com/ Please do also bring your own cool and interesting BDSM accoutrements - from purple bendable dildos to sibian machines, it's all welcome! (be sure to mark all your items with your name just in case things get mixed up)

Due to the outrageous success of the holiday gift swap, we'll be having an Anniversary BDSM Gift Swap. Please bring in new unwrapped BDSM paraphernalia that you don't want (maybe you got it as a gift, or don't like it or whatever) or used but in excellent condition pieces that are not too intimate - such as handcuffs, nice silk scarves, and that sort of thing. Please do not bring anything that was used in relation to any bodily fluids such as dildos, used whips etc.

You can also purchase something if you wish, but please don't spend more than $15. Imagos in Colchester has recently expanded and now has one aisle of relatively low cost BDSM items. You can call them for directions at 893-2977. We have a list of local BDSM vendors as well - just write Sadie for a copy.

Need some ideas? How about: Small floggers, whips, or paddles, Lingerie, Scarves, A box of latex gloves, Velcro handcuffs, Blindfold, Fabric Mask, BDSM Jewelry or keyrings, Sexy foods such as truffles, a can of whipped cream, etc. (non perishable items), Variety of colored/scented/flavored condoms, Lubricants, Books.

Saturday July 14th - (Barre) - BDSM Bathing suit summer theme.

Saturday August 4th - (Burlington) - 3 PM + all day Bar-B-Q & beach party. R&T party starts at 6 PM for dinner.

Saturday August 25th - (Richmond) Outdoor evening Dinner Picnic & stars viewing - 6 PM. (bring blankets, lawn chairs, bug spray, citronella, mosquito coils etc)

Saturday September 15th - Tentative Date.

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OTHER GROUPS & EVENTS NEARBY

****This data is for informational purposes only. It does not imply endorsement by Rose & Thorn of any organization listed here, nor does R&T accept any liability for activities held.

THE POWER EXCHANGE OF NEW ENGLAND (PENE - formerly LEATHERBOUND NORTHEAST)

For more info contact: trishnh@hotmail.com

http://welcome.to/PENE

Munches every 2nd Tuesday at the Elm City Brewery

In the Colony Mill Marketplace

222 West Street

Keene NH. 7-9 PM

Group night out the last Friday of each month

Rainbow Cattle Co. Rt. 5 E. Dummmerston VT (exit 3 from the south, exit 4

from the north) off I-91. From 8:30-? Come and meet fellow kinksters!

Upcoming events:

June - Waxing Demo

July- Fetish Flea

August - Kinky Toy Auction

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WEST LEBANON, NH BDSM MUNCH

For more info contact: UVMunch@valley.net

Munch is at the Powerhouse Mall in West Lebanon from 2:00 to 4:30 PM.

June 17^th

July 15^th

Aug 19th,

Sept 16^th

Oct 21^st

Nov 18^th

Dec 16^th

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North Shore Munch, Peabody MA

North Shore Mall

4th Wednesday of every month

6:30 pm to closing

For more information contact: heather@bfp.com

www.bfp.com

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Alexandra Boyd ~

Executive Director, WMPE

Email MsAlexandra@wmpe.org

413-782-8829

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Leather Retreat 2001 June 6-11, 2001

http://www.communityties.com/LR2K.html

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The Eulenspiegel Society - Full Three day weekend BDSM Conference with education, vendors, and social events. August 10-13, 2001. In New Brunswick New Jersey. (they are the biggest and oldest BDSM society in the country)

Register online at www.tes.org or

http://206.20.176.253/home/tes30.htm for that specific page

email tes30@tes.org

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New England Leather Alliance

PRESENTS FETISH FAIR FLEAMARKET #17 June 30th, 2001 at the Boston Center for the Arts 539 Tremont Street, South End, Boston

Saturday, June 30th (usually it's from 12 to 6)

For updates call the NELA hotline phone number (617) 661-NELA, or check our web site at http://www.nla-newengland.org

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http://lauragoodwin.org

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ADMINISTRIVIA

WANT TO BE OFF THE MAILING LIST?

Just let me know, and off you'll be. No hard feelings. (Please remember that we only have one mailing list, so if you don't get this weekly mailing you won't get anything)

WANT TO BE **ON** THE MAILING LIST?

Are you getting this newsletter forwarded from someone else? Just e-mail burlvtsub@aol.com and we'll put you on the mailing list. It's FREE!

HOW TO SUBMIT

Send your stuff to me today! BDMS quotes, gossip, articles, poetry, etc. all welcome. Please note if I can use your name and e-mail address so readers can respond to you directly. I won't be editing your pieces, so be sure they are spellchecked etc.

SHARE THE WEALTH

Feel free to forward this newsletter to any BDSM folk you know.

UPCOMING TOPICS

1^st Sunday: Resources for BDSM stuff (local stores, websites, books, videos etc)

2^nd Sunday: Articles & columns by local writers (Sadie, Amber, etc.) Please send your stuff in!

3^rd Sunday: Educational pieces (Legal commentary, how to's)

4^th Sunday: Columns by other writers in the BDSM community nationwide

5^th Sunday: Poetry and other related artsy stuff