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Lady Pyra is currently on Sabbatical. Sorry - no
contact info available.
SADIE: You write that, “BDSM... Tantric sex... conscious sex... all lead to healing.” This seems like it might be your mission
statement. Can you explain?
SKYE: “Good sex is about the most fun thing a human being can
experience in their bodies. I think we love it and we tend to think
about it a lot when we aren’t having it. We just love it that much. It
feels good and it allows us to be so close to another human being in a
very unique way. It allows us to mingle our energy with another and
experience another. And while I’m going to speak here about a small
group of practices, it is all good. I’m sure you’ve heard the
joke that even bad sex is good. So there is no judgment being placed
here on any kind of sexual practice.
“Tantric sex and conscious sex are about being conscious in the moment
with one’s partner. Using breath techniques and conscious focus, they
differ from a regular romp in the hay because they are not lust based.
They require mental focus that does not permit fantasy. They really
bring a person into their bodies and out of mental la la land. We spend
much of our lives with our bodies on auto pilot. Conscious sex is an
opportunity to completely be aware of our bodies and little else, a rare
opportunity for us and combined with conscious breathing, it can be very
healing indeed.
“Any practice that involves the use of breath can be healing. We spend
much of our lives breathing either very shallowly or hyperventilating
such as in stressful situations. Conscious breath is a focus on the
inhale and only relaxing a bit for the exhale, more or less the opposite
of hyperventilating in which the exhale is usually forced, often
unconsciously. Also there is no pause between breaths. This is akin to
the natural way we breathe when we are asleep.
“My focus and my interest in BDSM stems from its value with regard to
catharsis and the release of emotional trauma from the body and to a
certain extent, the similarity between the phenomenon known as subspace
being akin to states of meditation and the possibility of its being a
doorway to altered states of reality which can even include out of body
experiences.”
Sadie: You are interested in the idea of physical pain leading to
emotional health. Please tell me a little bit about this and how it
intertwines with your BDSM interests.
Skye: “Emotional memories which include past traumas are stored in the
muscles and many techniques used in BDSM bring these emotional memories
to the surface to be dealt with. And thus, participants are offered an
opportunity to clear trauma or... stuff it back down inside of them.
It is my contention that an enlightened Dominant can aid them in the
clearing of trauma.
“Several techniques come into play here. One is a slow but intense
flogging session that loosens up the emotional memories and brings them
to the surface. Afterwards, a subject is amazingly relaxed and might
wish then to participate in deeper pain practices that he would
otherwise be unable to endure such as temporary piercings or cuttings.
Or might want to attempt fisting for a G-spot release And ultimately
once in catharsis, the aftercare portion of the program is really where
the healing occurs.”
Sadie: Your roots are in a community of healers in Santa Fe, New
Mexico where you accidentally came up on the BDSM scene and was “immediately
aware of the cathartic value of the practices. ” What struck you at
the time? How has your practice (spiritual and sexual) changed since
then?
Skye: “Actually, I didn’t discover BDSM in Santa Fe. I just hung out
with a bunch of psychics and healers and should probably mention here
that although the focus of this interview is BDSM, it is only a small
aspect of my life. Of course I would see the potential in BDSM for
healing and thus that is where my BDSM focus is. However, it is but one
technique out of many spiritual avenues for healing and balance.
“I became active in BDSM in 1998 when I moved to Seattle after my
divorce. The first time that I was flogged I could literally feel stuff
coming up to the surface and I had an overwhelming urge to cry it out
and I welcomed it because there was so much that I needed to get out of
my system. In that moment, I realized the potential of this and I wanted
to experience more.
“What struck me at the time was the similarity of flogging to massage
in the fact that it loosened emotional memory from muscle tissue. I’m
fortunate enough to be aware that ‘stuff’ comes up after a massage
and was prepared to deal with a day or two of emotional edginess. I
wondered really how many people were really conscious of how long the
effects of ‘play’ can be and the opportunity they really have to
consciously use BDSM techniques to clear past issues and trauma.
“There was an amazing Dom in Seattle, whose name I cannot tell you;
but I would go to a dungeon every Saturday night and watch him,
completely mesmerized by him. I bought floggers and then went home and
practiced on stuffed toys and my roommate until I could make my floggers
do exactly what I wanted them to do.
“I’m partial to the soft but heavy floggers, that have wide falls
and are about two feet in length. I like a flogger that is long enough
that I can lay down the falls on the back and thud a large area at once.
These are also floggers that lend themselves well to a very slow massage
like warm up. This literally starts out as a back massage. I’m in no
hurry and neither is a person luxuriating in a pleasurable ‘massage’.
I gradually build the thrust of the flogger, usually moving from a
lightweight deerskin flogger to a heavy deerskin flogger. I keep
gradually increasing the thudding until it is actually quite intense but
most are not really aware how intense it is getting. I’m fanatical
about keeping the ends of the tails together and very critical of sloppy
flogging and can’t stand to feel sloppy flogging. Nor do I care for
that painting the fence stroke (or those short floggers) so popular it
seems in the Midwest as it covers very little surface area and tends to
hit the same place over and over again. Nor do I haul around scores of
floggers. I have four: two deerskin floggers, one very long rubber
flogger, and one 48’ latigo flogger that I picked up in London and it
is... mean.
“My practice has not really changed in the past five years except that
I now also fist. But it has not changed in the fact that what I offer is
for purposes of therapy and though I occasionally will participate in
kink, it is more the exception, not the rule. I’ve done some
experimentation with temporary piercing and I think I’d like to pursue
that more in the future. I believe that can be mixed more fully with
pre-scene meditation techniques more than flogging. It is more
ritualistic.
“Sexually? Wow. I came into the BDSM scene after 5 years of celibacy
so it has played a major role in my sexuality for the last five years. I’d
really like to find a male partner to work with and who has the same
spiritual inclinations that I have. I’d like to find someone who can
take me where I take people. I’m seen as a dominant because of my
specialties but I’m really quite sexually submissive. A conundrum, I
know. But I don’t see the world in terms of Dom or sub. I see it as
people interacting and we each have talents and we each are in need of
healing ourselves. I’m skeptical of any dominant that doesn’t attend
to his/her own emotional needs in some way or who is not in touch with
the entirety of his body. Men have more than genitals. Yes, it’s true.
“I’d also like to point out that what I analyze, most of you are
already doing. People know when they ‘need’ to be flogged. People go
into catharsis spontaneously and usually have a caring dominant to
provide after care for them. But I’m hopeful that in analyzing the
process a bit, we can make people more aware of how they can focus a bit
to possible heal something that keeps nagging them despite their current
practices. “
Sadie: You said something that sounds a lot like something I have
said, that “most people involved in the scene are not there for
personal transformation, they are there for kink. ” I too have found
it challenging to find like minded souls. Can you describe your
spiritual approach as it is in BDSM?
Skye: “I think it mainly has to do with ‘intent’. I think the
lure for most is the high of subspace or an erotic connection to pain.
When I ask someone to flog me, I do with the intent of dealing with a
clogged emotion. We all know when we are out of balance. Not only do we
‘feel’ out of balance but our lives begin to demonstrate the
imbalance. Things may start to go downhill at the workplace, or finances
may be off kilter, or the house may get messy when you aren’t looking.
Perhaps we come down with a cold or other illness.
“I begin to do deep cleansing breaths in preparation for the session
and as the flogging or piercing (or whatever) begins, I continue to
breathe while visualizing in my mind an intake of pure life force energy
with each breath and a release of tension with each exhale. I am very
conscious of making sure that I am not holding my breath when the
session becomes painful.
“In an ideal situation, people would come to me for a flogging with
the same intent but that is not always the case. However, if they do go
into catharsis during the session, they are at least fortunate they I am
well equipped to see them through it.
Sadie: You write that, “When you do slow rhythmic breathing and
clear your mind of all thought except the sound of your breathing, you
open a doorway to other dimensions. ” I’m thinking that the
meditative state is pretty close to Dom or Subspace. Do you use
meditative techniques in your BDSM play?
Skye: “When I flog I start out and maintain a very slow gentle rhythm
for quite some time and it is done to put the submissive in a meditative
state. A bit of subterfuge really. It just sets the stage for subspace
later on. However, when I am being flogged, I do consciously focus on
only my breath.
“I have used some techniques with my female slave before fisting that
has had pretty remarkable results. She has achieved stunning catharsis
during fisting. But other times, we do it just for fun or within a more
sexual context.
“I think the most potential for meditative techniques is in the more
ritualistic practices such as piercings and I am hoping to work more
with these in the future. I have always contended that subspace is more
than an endorphin release. It can be also a completely altered state of
awareness which hopefully the submissive is not afraid to then explore a
bit.”
Sadie: You described an experience where you were fisted and it
brought you to a highly emotional state. Other authors such as Purusha
(see Mark Thompson’s Leatherfolk) talk about fisting as a technique to
spiritual transformation. Do you think that particular acts, IN
THEMSELVES, can lead to a spiritual experience? Do you think that this
is in part, particularly for men, because the prostate is located there?
Skye: “I have never fisted a man so I can’t speak from personal
experience to how involved the prostate is in a spiritual experience. I
know, however, that g-spot releases in women are utterly amazing in
nature. They are intensely emotional often without tangible thought;
i.e. the woman may not even realize what she is releasing but just
experiences the emotions associated with the ‘memory’ as it passes
through her one last time. After the debris is cleaned out of the g-spot
the ensuing orgasms are profound, extended, and often repetitive. The
g-spot is the most sacred place in women and where their deepest trauma
of abandonment is located.
“I’ve been hesitant to fist men because I’m not convinced they
will retain command of their bowels after the incident. The information
I get on this subject is very conflicting.
“Yes, I believe that acts, in themselves, can lead to spiritual
experiences. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it usually happens that
way. Often planned experiences fail to manifest while another activity
can bring completely unexpected results. You can look forward to a
piercing scene, for example, for weeks all the while planning to entered
an altered state and have yourself a visionfest only to have nothing
occur. Catharsis often happens when it is least expected. This is why
the dominant should be aware of all the possibilities before entering
into heavy sceneing.”
Sadie: Many of your early dreams seemed to be a message of a single
pervasive consciousness in the Universe. Are you talking about God here?
Skye: “Yes, I’ve come to the conclusion from my own personal
experiences in a variety of dimensions that there is one consciousness
that pervades the Universe and that is what I call God. I do not
perceive this as an entity with personality that has some personal
interest in our individual behaviors but instead experience an
intelligence that lends itself to us while experiencing the Universe
through us.
“Consciousness is the thing we most take for granted. It should be the
thing that we examine most closely.”
“Sadie: One of your favorite subjects is the Nature of Reality. Can
you explain what you mean?
“Skye: “That is a hard subject to get around which is why my
life is devoted to it for I suspect it takes eternity to truly
comprehend. I had a friend who is a physicist put it this way. Although
what we experience or think of as reality is not real. There is a
construct that exists that we can experience and that construct is real.
“On my website, I liken it to a virtual reality suit that one puts on.
You put on the gloves and the goggles and you then ‘see’ and
experience a reality that is different from the reality of you sitting
at a computer. But you can still interact within the virtual reality and
all that you experience there is valid.
“When born into Virtual Reality as a baby and it is all we have in our
conscious memory, it is quite a challenge to then learn to step out of
it and find what is behind it. Fortunately our Virtual Reality includes
some ‘power’ plants put here as aids as well as an ability to
control our own minds, and through meditation we can step beyond our
immediate construct of reality.”
Sadie: You’ve written that, “If you can see it, touch it, hear
it, smell it, and taste it, you can bet your life it is an illusion. To
me, life is about finding the truth behind the illusion. ” I can’t
help but wonder what is wrong with enjoying the sensualist joys this
earth brings us, and why perhaps they cannot be part of the spiritual
quest? If not, how do you know what “Truth” is that might lay behind
them?
Skye: “Let me state loudly and clearly there is nothing wrong with
enjoying the sensualist joys the earth brings to us. What else would you
do with them? And yes, they can definitely be a path to spiritual
enlightenment.
“There are two things I’ve found to be true about reality. (I’m
sure there are more. ) 1- Everything physical is a mirror image of
something spiritual. 2- Everything is paradoxical. Even the mirror image
is a paradox, for the image in a mirror is the same yet completely
opposite as well.
“Without a doubt it is indeed the senses that can lead us to an
altered state that allows us to ‘see’ beyond reality. Deprivation of
the senses does the same thing. Fasting is a path. Pain is a path.
Meditation is a path. Orgasm is a path.
“What I meant by that statement is that your chair is not real. Your
hamburger is not real. Deepak Chopra explains this really well in his
video ‘Body, Mind, and Soul’. Hopefully, my example of the Virtual
Reality gear can illustrate it as well. We are conscious mind constantly
being fed energy and information. Whether the chair is real or whether
we just think it is real matters little for our experience of it is
valid either way. Physicists can prove the Universe is holographic yet
we experience hard dense matter. Rocks are hard and dense yet the atoms
that compose them, like all atoms, are mostly empty space. A paradox.
“One interesting thing about the illusion of reality is that it is
dependant upon our eyesight constantly being moving. Anytime one focuses
on something intensely, reality begins to disintegrate. So whether you
stare at something without moving your eyes or go into subspace or
meditate, you are challenging the fabric of reality.
“Reality is also dependant upon the ‘internal dialogue’. Any
avenue you take that quiets the chatter in your head will allow you to
move beyond the illusion of ‘reality’. The average person will say
that it is impossible to not think. I tell you that it is completely
possible to not think. When you go to a movie theatre and become
completely engrossed in a spellbinding movie, you stop thinking. You
just look and listen and absorb, at least for small periods at a time
depending upon how truly spellbinding the movie is. If you can pay
attention to nothing but your own breath that intently, you can turn off
the internal dialogue and reality will begin to shift. It can be
unnerving but it is nothing to be afraid of. Practicing this as little
as five minutes a day can change your life.”
Sadie: When you were in high school, you realized that you had the
“ability to trip without taking the drug by standing close to someone
else who was tripping. Now we are not talking about a contact high with
pot, caused by excess smoke in the room. We are talking about standing
next to someone who had swallowed a hit of LSD or ingested mushrooms.
” What do you make of this experience? Does it speak to some ability
in you to empathize with other people at a deeper level?
Skye: “Not at all. It speaks to the ability of a drug (usually a ‘power’
plant such as mushrooms or peyote to completely change the entire energy
field [aura] of a person and those who are already sensitive to the
plant are affected when they are close enough to another that their
energies mingle a bit. Perhaps that is what empathy is to a degree, for
those who see energy can visually watch energy flow between people who
are somehow engaged with each other. What is significant here is that a
person under the influence of a ‘power’ plant is not just
experiencing a change in brain chemistry and thus having hallucinations
only unto themselves. A very common experience among people using ‘power’
plants are shared extra-sensory experiences. They enhance and
expand ones ability to sense reality.
“I personally believe that they also open the Chakras. Opening the
root Chakra makes one incredibly horny but it’s pretty much impossible
to orgasm so I wouldn’t advise indulging in that. Opening the crown Chakra
is what allows an abundance of energy into the body, and with it
a measure of enlightenment. Opening the heart Chakra is probably the
reason for the immense sense of well being and love that people feel
while under the influence, often the memory of which stays with them the
longest. While power plants facilitate such things, there are also many
way to accomplish the same thing without the use of a plant helper.”
Sadie: You’ve said that sometimes the battle cry around SSC seems
to be a ploy to make BDSM socially acceptable, and that it “always
seemed to be a bit of a paradox for a philosophy which acknowledges that
so much of our sexuality is deeply rooted in the forbidden. ” How do
you reconcile this with those times early in BDSM history when SSC was
not commonly used as a guideline, and oftentimes Submissives were not
treated well?
Skye: “I’m not at odds with the SSC motto at all. I just find it
ironic. I have a friend with a fantasy about being kidnapped and it just
doesn’t work when said kidnapping is arranged ahead of time. The
nature of kidnapping is the lack of consent. Let’s be brutally honest
here, OK? Is seduction consensual really? When one sets about to seduce
and manipulate another into a gradual state of compliance, does one not
really set about to undermine what might otherwise be a resounding ‘no’
as an answer to a request for sex?
“Yet it is exactly seduction that many of us find deliciously
enticing. Bondage has its roots in the illusion that submissives are no
longer responsible for their promiscuity. They were tied up. They had no
choice. Historically, women have been seduced since puberty and expected
to protest the whole way, to fend males off and protect their virginity
all the while experiencing new and enticing pleasure as they gradually
consent to one act at a time. It finally becomes a battle they will lose
to their own desire while simultaneously needing to not own the
responsibility of desiring their own undoing.
“I cannot comment on early times in BDSM’s history when submissives
were not treated well. It was before my time. I do, however, agree with
those who feel the SSC motto is used primarily to defend BDSM to the
world at large, to this group of immoral seducers *wink* who think we
are the pervs. Again, it’s ironic that the vanilla world sets up the
stage on which we play. They screw us up sexually and then we have to
defend ourselves to them lest they lock us up in jail.”
Sadie: You’ve said that, “I truly would like to see the Sadistic
Therapist have an office somewhere in between the chiropractor and the
massage therapist rather than the dungeon. ” What do you fantasize
would be happening there?
Skye: “I have to laugh because I honestly don’t see that ever
happening. It’s just a statement that expresses my desire for
therapeutic BDSM to have a place and to be seen seriously as an avenue
for healing. To me, BDSM is a type of body work. I feel often that what
I do has no place at dungeon parties or play parties. But it really has
no other place as well. So I just basically have the info on a website
and hope those who need the information will find it.”
Sadie: Many Dominants are not prepared for the emotional issues that can
arise immediately after an intense scene, but most are aware of the need
for aftercare. What about the kind of issues that come up some time
later? How do you council couples to deal with this?
Skye: “Aha! And now we get to the heart of the matter. This is the
most important part of BDSM as therapy. It is imperative that a dominant
not only give aftercare but be prepared for what may come up for the
submissive and be willing to be there for them not just after an intense
scene but also in the days to follow.
“If the dominant cannot be available to the submissive the day after
the catharsis, he/she needs to prepare the submissive for what may
happen and that can be anything from general irritation (anger at
traffic lights, pets, children, etc. ) to being completely unable to
stop crying. They may be in touch with specific memories and issues.
They may be oblivious to issues but just feel uneasy. They may feel like
they are getting the flu.
“Also catharsis is often a two part event. One is the physical
catharsis which consists of a sense of release, often accompanied by a
deluge of tears and the other is an opportunity for the submissive to
identify the underlying issue by telling his/her story. Not all sources
of trauma are identifiable but often a submissive is very much in touch
with the source of the injury.
“Without both halves occurring and handled properly, the trauma may
not be healed. If only a beating is offered, a submissive might deal
with the surfacing memories by not dealing with them and they will bury
themselves once again in the muscles. On the other hand, a submissive
may talk about some past trauma for years to anyone who will listen and
not clear it. I think we all know someone who completely identifies with
a past rape of some other incident. Some identify as victims and others
identify as survivors but some event is a major identifier to them.
“True healing allows people to live in the present without being
identified by events from the past. With healing, survivors often lose
the urge entirely to even mention the incident that once defined them.
When a person goes through catharsis and then tells their story, pouring
out all their fear and sorrow and horror in the flood of emotion that is
leaving their body, they have the opportunity to truly clear this from
their bodies and their auras and be free of it. That is the goal.
“A dominant would be negligent to lead a submissive into catharsis and
then abandon them. Now aftercare mostly consists of physical care and
affection. The only thing I’d add to that is to make dominants aware
of the opportunity they have to lead the submissive into a dialogue
about whatever comes into their minds during the episode.
“If stuff comes up the next day as well and the submissive finds
oneself feeling edgy, I recommend a relaxing bath with salts. Both water
and salt have a cleansing affect upon the body and the spirit. And deep
cleansing breaths. One should visualize pure Light entering the body
with each breath and all tension and negativity leaving the body with
each exhale as well and visualizing the tension turning back into Light
where it is neutralized and unable to return as negativity.
“Sometimes it is difficult to let go of sorrow that has defined us for
so long. We’re not sure what we are without it. So when replacing
trauma with Light, be sure to affirm that your body is being filled with
the love of all entities who care for you, that you are well, and that
you are whole..”
Sadie: Is there anything else you’d like to share with our readers?
Skye: “Body work is vital. We all need to be in touch with our bodies,
love our bodies, and honor our bodies. They serve us well. We should
thank them constantly. One of the most loving things one can do to heal
ones body is to (daily, if possible) take time to thank the very parts
of ones body for serving one. When putting on body lotion or oil or
maybe even just soap in the shower, take time to caress your arms and
your legs and thank each part for doing so well what it does. Thank your
feet for carrying you around. Thank your arms for all they do. Thanks
you lungs for continuing to breathe despite the pollution you subject
them to. Thank your skin for protecting all the rest of you. Thank your
eyes for not letting you walk into furniture.
“Often we tend to notice what doesn’t work or what gives us pain,
not stopping to acknowledge all that works so perfectly day after day
after day. By changing our focus to the positive, the body can be
encouraged to heal itself more efficiently. People have healed diseases
and lost weight by nothing more than taking the time each day to thank
their body and to send some love its way.
“We’ve often heard the mind is the largest sex organ we have. Well,
it’s the greatest doctor we have as well. Use it wisely and always
remember: what you give your attention to multiplies.
Sadie: Thank you very much!
Skye: “Thank you, Sadie, for the opportunity to get
my message out there. I do hope your readers have found value in it.
‘I am Divine Intelligence
Every part of my being is filled with Divine Intelligence
I am Well
I am Whole, Harmonious through and through. ’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex,
and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene ( http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html
). She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn,
Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as
well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com
or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information
freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing
in most venues.
Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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