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DomofNYC@aol.com
DomSubFriends@aol.com
http://www.DomSubFriends.com
SENSUOUS SADIE: how would you describe your philosophical
approach to the lifestyle? Do you feel that your approach is fairly
mainstream, or are there areas where you stray from the path, broad as
that may be?
SIR VIKTOR: "Without exception, I feel that every
single person has fantasies and sexual desires they'd like to explore.
The difference between us and the mainstream society, is that perhaps we
are more open minded to explore them. The BDSM community established
protocol, so that we can consensually follow up on these desires in a
safe, sane and consensual environment.
"As per the mental part of all of this, I believe, once you've been
exposed to what we do, it will forever become a part of your inner
desires and cravings. The BDSM lifestyle can become a spiritual place
where one can discover who they truly are."
Sadie: How long have you been involved with BDSM in your private
practice?
Sir Viktor: "Privately, I've been in the scene since 1987, when a real
estate appointment led me to an S&M club and I got hooked (no pun
intended)."
Sadie: How would you say it has changed over the years?
Sir Viktor: "The Internet brought the scene from the underground, so
otherwise isolated individuals discovered there were other people out
there who shared the same views and feelings towards this form of sexual
expression."
Sadie: Can you tell me a little bit about your background?
Sir Viktor: "I was Born in Europe. Speak five languages, and I am pretty
open minded to everything life has to offer. Married to Lin, a wonderful
woman, who is a fellow top."
Sadie: How did you come to found and lead a BDSM group?
Sir Viktor: "Many got tired of the political climate that existed within
the local S&M community in the late 1990's. Instead of preaching what an
S&M group should be about, I've decided to start one. I live by this
motto, 'If something doesn't exists to suit your needs, Create it.'
"The plan was simple; lets concentrate on having fun and keep politics
out. We arranged with Lenny Waller of Hellfire (a terrific S&M club that
closed in 2002) to have Thursday demos and lectures there, before the
club opened the doors to the general public at 10 PM. Next, we
asked knowledgeable and respected community persons to share that
knowledge thru demos and lectures for the group. Along the way, we'd
have monthly parties for everyone to enjoy. The Genesis of
DomSubFriends took place in November 1999.
"We started with about 25 people who believed and shared in our vision.
Through word of mouth, more and more people started attending our
meetings and parties. We decided to switch meetings to Fridays evenings,
because most people don't work on weekends. This made it easier to watch
an educational demo/lecture, then stay after to practice what you
learned and/or to socialize. This became a terrific combo.
"At that point, we arranged with "Michael A" of Paddles to have meetings
there every Friday from 8:45 PM to 10:45 PM. There's a certain aura
about having an SM educational meeting in an SM club. Paddles is an
awesome friendly S&M club, whose management believes in the same theory
that we do... and that is to make everyone feel welcomed. People are
here to escape, and we're here to provide that escape."
Sadie: Please tell me about your website. Why so much info?
Sir Viktor: "I realized there were many people craving to have easy
access information on the World Wide Web pertaining to BDSM. I literally
checked thousands of websites. Many were good but seemed somewhat
incomplete. So instead of having people check for S&M information all
over the place, I've decided to create a one-stop information website.
"It's an easy to follow and comprehensive website to help people learn
about the BDSM lifestyle. At any given moment we have over 15,000 links.
Included in that number are most worldwide BDSM group, tons of
resources, etc.
"We also have an International BDSM/Fetish Calendar. Every
BDSM/Alternative lifestyle group is able to upload their events. It
would be neat if every group Worldwide will take advantage of this by
emailing us for a password to DomSubFriends@aol.com.
"MichaelK, our wonderful WebMaster, has been wonderful with his computer
skills and ideas. He originally set up the website, so that a novice to
the computer world (me) can upload stuff without actually knowing what
to do."
Sadie: DomSubFriends offers a very wide variety of options from
munches to play parties to workshops. Which of these do you enjoy the
most, and why?
Sir Viktor: "Both parties and demos have equal benefits. One is
educational and the other is social. That is what we're about: being a
social and educational group.
"Bob Horowitz (my partner in DSF) is our calendar coordinator. He is a
well-known member of the S&M community. He has published S&M magazines,
lectured on our lifestyle, and has given tons of demos all over the East
Coast.
"BobH ran some of the best private S&M/fetish parties in the local
area in the early 1990's. Through his 20+ years of active experience in
the scene, Bob has gotten to know many respected and admired speakers in
the S&M community.
"Due to this background, Bob has been able to schedule awesome demos and
lectures for DomSubFriends.
"As per your question relating to DSF parties:
"Our parties always are fill up quickly. Our three most well attended
parties of the year are The Halloween party, The Leather Pride Weekend
party, and the New Year's party. They attract between 150 to 250
persons. We have different party themes to keep things always exciting
for everyone. Our responsibility is to make sure all those who attend
our events have a good time and never ever feel left out. Every
successful creation depends on one thing....people coming back. The only
way to get folks to come back is by making sure that everyone, and not
just some have a good time. Best advertising always is through the word
of mouth.
Sadie: You started a group in a city which presumably was already
somewhat saturated with BDSM groups. To what do you attribute your
success?
Sir Viktor: "If I can credit this to anything it would be that
DomSubFriends simply focuses on demos, lectures and parties, and
provides an opportunity to make good friends or perhaps meet a potential
partner. Most of all, we've eliminated the idea of cliques because we
have made it a point to keep the political climate out of our group."
Sadie: I have read some of the excellent articles in your on-line
magazine the Voyeur. Which articles do you find get the most responses
from your readers? What kind of writing do you look for?
Sir Viktor: "The ones dealing with the mind rather than the implements.
Implements are easy to learn; just go to the workshop(s). The mental
part is tougher since it may involve changing your inner self or
personal views."
Sadie: What have you found has been the most satisfying aspects of
your leadership?
Sir Viktor: "Our management team's goal and is satisfaction is to make
sure that everyone has a good time at DSF parties, socials, demo and
lectures. This approach is particularly helpful to newbies who may be
nervous at first, because it allows them to feel relaxed."
Sadie: What about challenges that running DomSubFriends?
Sir Viktor: "My challenge has been trying to balance my life involving
my marriage, family, slaves, career, DomSubFriends, etc."
Sadie: What is your approach to interaction with other groups and
group leaders? What are the challenges that you've faced in working with
other groups? [no need to dish here, just looking for some general
thoughts]
Sir Viktor: "I believe that the more of us that are out there, the
better it is for everybody. I understand how hard it is to balance 24
hours in a day while having the responsibility of running a group.
Hence, I thank the leaders of all the groups for putting sweat and time
into making sure that there are more educated S&M'ers out there.
"As per challenges working with other groups... I hope to see the day,
when politics within our community will be totally eliminated. I enjoy
watching other local groups succeed when they have their events, because
it brings more people into our lifestyle. There's always a minimum
30-40% crossover between groups; therefore, the folks they attract
eventually will find their way to DSF. The opposite holds true as well;
when we attract new members to the scene, the other groups benefit
equally."
Sadie: Do you feel that in general being in a big city with many BDSM
options helps people enter the scene more easily?
Sir Viktor: "Yes, it's a numbers game. In addition, NY'ers are pretty
open-minded when it comes to the alternative lifestyle. People like to
take advantage of the diversity and excitement the city has to offer."
Sadie: To what extent do you agree with the feeling that BDSM groups
are more rife with politics because of our intrinsic interest in the
power exchange, which at the group level can translate into power
struggles and that sort of thing?
Sir Viktor: "Okay, follow me for a moment. Say I'm best friends
with both 'A' and 'B.'
However, if 'A' and 'B' do not like each other I could be pressured into
making a decision with whom they are going to be friends with. Usually a
decision is based on where that individual has a chance to get laid more
:-) Unfortunately, that's how cliques develop. DomSubFriends does not
have that type of atmosphere.
Sadie: How would you characterize the community in New York City as
similar or different from the communities you may have visited in the
more rural areas of northern new England?
Sir Viktor: "People have more options to choose from in New York City
than in most other places I've visited. Surprisingly for a big city, NYC
doesn't have as much to choose from as the average out-of-town BDSM'er
might think. From time to time, new venues open up. There are only a
couple S&M dungeons in NYC, so you'll probably run into the same faces
in the public S&M scene if you're a regular.
Sadie: One of your goals is to promote positive awareness in the s&m
community. How do you feel about educating the larger vanilla community?
Have you been active in raising awareness and support individuals and
groups who have been victimized by the broader community's
misunderstanding of what we do?
Sir Viktor: "I do not believe in flaunting our stuff in front of the
mainstream Society. The less they hear from us is, the better it is for
all of us. I'd rather have the leaders of our community concentrate on
keeping the education strictly to the folks who are in the scene, rather
than try to educate to the whole world what we do is OK.
"All that does is wake up the 'religious rights' and politicians looking
for extra votes. I believe that as long as we don't flaunt our way of
life in front of them, the leaders of the main stream society have no
reason to bother us. They have more important issues to deal with than
BDSM. But the moment we go, 'HEY! We're into S&M! Learn to accept us,
we're waking up a sleeping giant."
Sadie: What have you observed changing about your own community since
you started DomSubFriends? What ways are you hoping it will change in
the next few years?
Sir Viktor: "With DSF being in the picture, every S&M'er has benefited
in the NYC/NJ/CT area. Alternative choices are always good. Leaders of
other local groups have become more service-oriented and friendlier
towards their membership.
Sadie: As you may be aware, the Northern New England states have very
few formal dungeons, while there are a number in New York City. What
particular role do you think dungeons play in growing the community in
general? Do you find that most of the people there are known community
members, or just curious?
Sir Viktor: "A large number of our scene's most respected members
started out first as 'tourists' in a public S&M dungeon or at some
fetish event."
"In NYC, public dungeons and fetish clubs act as ambassadors to for
quite a few novices.
"Along with DSF, groups such as TES, LILNR, LSM, GMSMA, and numerous
munch groups attract many novices.
"For the younger scene members, Columbia University, NYU and the TNG
group at TES hold meetings regularly.
In other words, we all contribute our share to maintain the alternative
lifestyle alive in the NY area alive and kicking."
Sadie: Is there anything you'd like to add that might interest our
readers?
Sir Viktor: "Yes! For all upcoming meetings, parties and events, check
out our website:
www.DomSubFriends.com
Sadie: Thank you very much!
Sir Viktor: "Thank you, and keep up the important and good work
you're doing for our community."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you enjoyed this interview, read more SCENEprofiles with BDSM
personalities on Sadie's website at www.sensuoussadie.com
Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex,
and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene ( http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html
). She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn,
Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as
well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com
or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com
. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information
freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing
in most venues.
Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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