|
|
|
race@bannon.com
Kink-Aware professionals:
http://www.bannon.com/kap
Race Bannon is a long-time
community leader. Some of his accomplishments include founder and
Director of Kink Aware Professionals, a non-profit professional referral
service; Project Leader for The DSM Project, which led to a change in
the way the psychotherapeutic profession officially views kinky
sexuality; author of Learning The Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun
SM Lovemaking, an international bestseller in the genre; founder and
former owner of Daedalus Publishing Company, the first publishing
company dedicated to publishing quality non-fiction books on
leather/SM/fetish topics; writer of many articles on sexuality; former
sex advice columnist, former producer and host of Bound To Talk, the
first Internet talk show focusing on kinky sex; and past Board member of
NLA International, NLA Los Angeles, and Avatar. Race is regularly
interviewed by the press, radio, and television as an expert on kinky
sexuality and he has spoken to thousands of people at over 300 speaking
engagements. Race lives in San Francisco.
SENSUOUS SADIE: The foundation of
today's BDSM culture was the gay leather community and the "old
guard." With BDSM increasingly being mainstreamed, what do you feel
has been lost or gained in the process of the last 20 or 30 years?
RACE: "I believe we can always benefit from taking the best of what
something has to offer and leaving the rest behind. That’s how I treat
the old guard mentality. Without a doubt, the old guard gave me a great
sense of respect for my play partners. It taught me the importance of
safety and mentoring others. My old guard background forged in me a love
of hyper-masculine sexuality for which I’m eternally grateful. But I
also know the old guard had a downside.
"Some in the old guard were a bit too stodgy. Innovation and
experimentation wasn’t always looked upon kindly. Roles were often
rigid and not bending to the unique personality each man possessed.
"But I don’t think anything’s been lost. The old guard was a
natural, organic phase in the development of the gay male kink scene. It
served us well and taught us plenty. But we must move on. We must
progress if we’re to keep the scene interesting and personally
relevant."
Sadie: There's quite a bit of
discussion as to differences in the Old Guard versus the more
contemporary styles of BDSM. Where would you put yourself in this
continuum? In what ways does the gay leather community still differ
greatly from the straight one? What things are the same?
Race: "I guess I’d describe myself as an old guard type who’s
allowed himself to grow. While I’m grateful for what the old guard
culture brought to my life, I also recognize that it has its limitations
too. Of course, some of my old guard friends consider me very much new
guard. Ultimately, labels don’t matter that much. I’m at a point in
my life where I do my sexuality my way, whatever way feels right at the
time.
"The very nature of gay, lesbian, bisexual, or heterosexual
groupings is that they inevitably differ in consistent ways. The leather
community is no different. I often find heterosexuals in the scene a bit
more free in their play. They seem extremely comfortable with a wide
variety of play styles and roles. I admire that. The lesbians I know in
the scene seem to foster intense and focused partnerings with the people
they play with and I admire that. Gay men can play with a certain
finesse that pleasures the aesthetic side of me. So yes, I see
differences, but I’d never say any approach was superior. And
truthfully, those of us in the kink scene, regardless of orientation,
share a lot more in common than we have differences."
Sadie: The coming out of the BDSM
community has often been compared to the coming out of the gay/lesbian
community twenty years ago. Do you think this simile is an apt one? What
will we face that will be easier or more difficult than what the gay
community faced historically?
Race: "I believe there is a distinct difference in the two coming
out experiences. While some kinky men and women do consider their
primary sexual identity to be kinky, most do not. For most, kinky sex is
but one of many pleasures they enjoy in life; it’s not an identity.
But when gays and lesbians come out, they almost universally experience
an immediate sense of identity that grows more clear throughout life. It
is who they are, not just what they do.
"So I believe it unlikely that society will accept kinky folks to
the same extent they’ve accepted gays and lesbians, mostly because
kinky folks often just aren’t as motivated to come out as are gays and
lesbians. However, I still think there’s tremendous value in coming
out as a kinky person. Each coming out event spawns further discussion
about the true nature of being kinky, and that’s a great outcome. And
I advocate as many kinky folks coming out as possible, assuming their
life situation allows for it, because it will improve their lives and
the lives of others. Lies are never healthy. Convenient, even safe at
times, but not healthy."
Sadie: How would you describe
your personal BDSM practice? Any particular interests or passions you'd
like to share?
Race: "My interests are varied and broad. With few exceptions, I
find most scenes interesting. Most would describe me as a versatile top
or master, which means I function primarily as a top but have grown to
also appreciate the pleasures of the other side of the equation. In
other words, I’m an opportunist. As for the specifics of my personal
BDSM life, I leave that between me and the people I play with."
Sadie: Do you feel that there is
a connection between the "space" of BDSM play and spiritual
spaces? Do you integrate any spiritual techniques into your play?
Race: "My life is grounded in an intense, but common sense approach
to spirituality. Spirituality pervades my life and I think it pervades
anyone’s life if they agree to allow it in. I do yoga every day and
always try to feed my spiritual self. And BDSM play can be a part of
life’s spiritual experiences. My only reservation with linking up the
spiritual and the sexual in this way is that some people will tend to
deny the raw, sexual passions and desires, subjugating them in favor of
what is often seen as the more acceptable, spiritual experience. It is,
after all, sex. We can enjoy the more base sexual instincts with no
further pretense. And if someone wants to add spirituality to the mix,
how great that it works for them. But no one should ever deem a
spiritual approach to BDSM as superior to a more visceral approach.
They’re just different."
Sadie: You have completed two
books now. What are you planning for your next book? Is writing
"work" for you, or is it something of an inner drive?
Race: "Currently, I’m writing a book different than anything
I’ve written before. It would fall into the self-help/motivational
category. I’m not sure when it will be done. Since I work almost
exclusively as a writer, I write a lot. Whether I’m writing a magazine
article, a computer software manual, or marketing copy for a large
corporation, I’m writing just about every day. It’s great that it
pays the bills, but it sometimes distracts from some of the personal
writing I want to do. I think that, in time, I’ll configure my life so
that I can write more of my own books. I do make a living as a writer,
so I guess I should not complain. And yes, writing is work for me. But I
like to work."
Sadie: You write in your
introduction to your best-selling book Learning the Ropes, "S/M has
long been a much misunderstood style of erotic play." Why do you
think that this is so particularly true for BDSM? Do you believe there
is hope that in twenty years we will become accepted in the wider
community?
Race: "BDSM will most certainly become more accepted as time
passes. That is inevitable. Whenever myth and prejudice are replaced
with knowledge and personal association, minds change. With the higher
profile of BDSM in mainstream life, at least in American and European
culture, BDSM will break down some barriers and gain more acceptance.
"As for why BDSM has historically been misunderstood, it’s
because it was treated as something shameful. Any group that keeps their
true nature hidden must inevitably engender misunderstanding amongst
those who know of it. To the uninitiated and ignorant, BDSM can be scary
and forbidding."
Sadie: It's been said about this
book that you avoid the "This is the One True Way" attitude
that characterizes so much BDSM literature. Where do you draw the line
on what is acceptable or unacceptable play? For example, in one of your
columns you discuss the issues of using drugs and alcohol during play,
and encourage the reader to make an educated decision. Many SadieC hard
liners would have serious issues with your being this loosey goosey
about something which can compromise both safety and consent. What are
your thoughts on this?
Race: "I like to think I’m grounded in reality. The reality I see
doesn’t contain a single, correct way to be kinky. It must ultimately
be about what pleases you and your partner. My reality also very much
embraces the safe, sane, and consensual credo. I truly do believe that a
scene should be all of those things.
"As for what is acceptable or not, that’s a tricky one. I feel
like I’m posing as God if I dictate specific behaviors to others just
because I might personally believe them to be important. The alcohol and
drug issue is a perfect case in point. I recognize there might be some
people who can have a couple of beers or smoke a joint and still be very
much in control. Would I suggest they do something risky? No. Would I
suggest they avoid types of play requiring precision. Yes. Do I believe
everyone functions identically when exposed to such substances. No. For
some people, indulging in such intoxicants during play is ill advised. I
know this can be controversial because some in the leather/SM/fetish
scene see safe, sane, and consensual in absolute terms. I don’t.
"I recall the time I heard three men talking about safe ways to
paddle a butt. The first guy said the safe way was not to leave a
lasting mark. The second guy disagreed and said the safe way was simply
not to break the skin to blood, but that a mark was certainly
acceptable. The third guy disagreed with them both and said he didn’t
mind paddling someone to the point of a little blood if his partner was
OK with it. Who was right? Well, they all were. They were right for
themselves because they knew the standards of behavior they personally
felt were appropriate. And certainly there are some BDSM practices that
simply cannot deviate from acceptable, safe play. Piercing might be one
good example. You can’t pierce someone without taking certain health
precautions and still consider it safe.
"I fear absolutes. Absolutes can often imprison as much as they
liberate. An individual’s sexuality is not an absolute thing. We must
educate and inform people to the best of our ability and then trust
their judgment to use the knowledge they have to pursue their sexuality
in a way that’s safe, sane, and consensual for them and their
partner."
Sadie: In your chapter The
Playground of the Mind, you write about using your mind to make a scene
more effective. What techniques do you suggest?
Race: "Think like a kid. Kids like to play. And no matter how
serious or dark a BDSM scene might get, it’s still play. Kids are
incredibly creative. Their inventive minds continually create worlds and
scenarios they find entertaining. If all adults could do the same,
everyone’s sexuality would be more satisfying."
Sadie: You used to write a
Q&A column for International Leatherman. What issues were the most
common that you are asked? Do you feel the questions and problems faced
are pretty much the same within the gay community and the rest of the
BDSM culture?
Race: "The most common questions asked, by far, were about
relationships. Not surprisingly, the issues that seem to challenge all
relationships, kinky or not, were the most prevalent. Trust, self
exposure, intimacy, communication, and love topped the list of topics in
the letters and emails I received. The same issues affect everyone
involved in BDSM. And in the future as knowledge of the specifics of
BDSM techniques become even more prevalent, relationship issues will
still be foremost on people’s minds. After all, sex, including BDSM,
is ultimately about bonding and connecting with another human
being."
Sadie: You've written in your
column that fire play is more commonly practiced in the lesbian BDSM
community. Why do you think this is? Are there other kinds of play that
you are aware of that tend to be practiced more in certain subgroups?
Race: "I’m not sure why fireplay was more prevalent in the
lesbian community. Not that many years ago, temporary piercing was also
not practiced much outside of the lesbian community. All that has
changed. Now men and women of all orientations seem to enjoy just about
every type of play."
Sadie: You write that, "Few
men I know who flag top are always top and few men I know that flag
bottom are always bottom. Versatility, at least to some extent, is the
norm rather than the exception." And yet it's not uncommon to be
criticized for being a switch, because that supposedly indicates a lack
of decisiveness, similar to the bias against bisexuality. To what do you
attribute these apparently contradictory ideas?
Race: "I think there’s a part of us that romanticizes the
exclusive top or bottom. After all, that polarizes the roles distinctly
and that can increase the erotic appeal. Think about it. Movies and
television present relationships in an unrealistic, romanticized way.
Why? Because that’s what we want to see. We want our fantasies. BDSM
is no different. But just as we must realize that the images we see on
television are not real, no matter how much we enjoy them, we must also
realize that the distinct categorization of everyone in the BDSM scene
into top and bottom camps is not realistic either. Sure, there are a few
men and women who reside in the exclusive camps, but they’re
relatively few in number. And if you subtract those that remain
exclusively top or bottom due to peer pressure rather than true personal
preference, the numbers are even smaller.
"The point is that everyone should pursue their sexuality exactly
as they see fit, whether that means being exclusively in one role or
versatility. There’s an old Hindu spiritual perspective that there are
many paths up the mountain to the same peak. So it is with sexuality.
"As for the criticisms that some assault others with regarding
switching, such criticisms stem from ignorance. In fact, the truly
experienced among us rarely criticize switches because their experience
has proven that different approaches seem to work well for different
people. And such criticisms seem to be dwindling over time. Perhaps this
is because we’re a lot more knowledgeable and informed as a community
than we were in times past.
Sadie: You founded and direct
Kink Aware Professionals (KAP), a privately funded, non-profit service
dedicated to providing the community with referrals to
psychotherapeutic, medical, dental, complementary healing, and legal
professionals who are knowledgeable about and sensitive to diverse
expressions of sexuality. What do you see as the main advantages of
utilizing a professional person who is familiar with our lifestyle?
Race: "KAP’s initial mission was to provide psychotherapeutic
referrals to professionals that wouldn’t judge a person by their kinky
sexuality. It’s still KAP’s primary mission, although the mission
has expanded over the years to include some other professionals.
"In many situations, it is a necessity to have a psychotherapeutic
professional who understands your sexuality. If they do not, then there
is always the risk that a psychotherapist will erroneously determine
that one’s sexuality is the problem when it could likely be some other
aspect of your life.
"The same situation can occur with some other professionals, such
as medical doctors, which is why KAP expanded its mission to include
them.
"And for your readers who don’t know how to reach KAP, you’ll
find it at http://www.bannon.com/kap."
Sadie: You were the President of
Daedalus Publishing Company, one of only a handful of BDSM publishers,
and sold it two years ago. What were the unique challenges of publishing
material in such a specialized niche? With what might even be considered
a glut of "how to" manuals, what areas of writing are still to
be explored fully?
Race: "Daedalus is thriving under the new owner. It can be
challenging to publish books of this genre, but it also has advantages.
The biggest challenge is distribution beyond the adult retail
establishment. Mainstream retail outlets tend to shy away from such
material. However, books published for the leather/SM/fetish reader have
a clearly defined market and that’s a big advantage if you know how to
reach that market.
"As for the perceived glut of how to books, I really don’t see
that as a problem. There will always be someone who knows how to present
better information or the same information in a more compelling way. So
I think all areas of leather/SM/fetish sexuality still have lots of
books yet to be written about them."
Sadie: You were also involved
with the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. What is it about this
group particularly that motivated you to donate your time? What kind of
work did you do for them?
Race: "I was on their board briefly, but unfortunately my schedule
didn’t allow me to continue. However, I admire their work and feel
they’re one of the important civil liberties advocate groups operating
today. We’re all better off for the work they do."
Sadie: Is there anything else
you'd like to share with our readers?
Race: "I’d like to encourage others to do sex their own way. The
information in books, articles, and workshops should not be considered
templates that you must apply to your own sexuality. I liken sex to art.
One may go to art school to learn the basics, but if the student
doesn’t move beyond the basics to personalize them in some way, true
art can never be achieved."
Sadie: Thank you very much!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sensuous
Sadie is the author of It's Not
About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html).
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of
Rose
&
Thorn
,
Vermont
's first BDSM group.
Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting
can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com
or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information
freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing
in most venues.
Copyright
2003 Sadie Sez Publications
|
|
|
