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http://www.domsubnation.com/heart/captive.htm
Sadie: Dom Sub Nation has grown a lot recently and experienced some growing pains. What has the journey been like? Pure Devil: "It has been crazy. It's like a child sometimes reaching puberty. DomSubNation has always been a family of new, regulars and transient people. Since its inception almost four years ago, it has been called everything from a cult to an exclusive club by its naysayers. But DomSubNation was designed to help people and we have always tried to stick with that goal, by making people feel welcome and feel they can get answers to questions even if they don't agree with the answers. Sadie: Both the website and your newsletter, A Captive Heart, include a wide variety of material. How do you choose articles to include? Pure Devil: "I guess I am one of those strange people who really doesn't oversee what my writers write as far as the web magazine goes. I have wonderful writers and I trust them to write about timely and important issues. Sometimes these issues are strictly BDSM, D/S issues, sometimes they are everyday issues. As far as the website goes, it was created back when all you could find on the Internet was information about one person's or a couple's experiences and basically that is how they tried to tell people the lifestyle had to be. When I created the DomSubNation, I wanted it to be different. I didn't want it to be about me, although of course I know some of me would show in it, but I wanted it to be about many lifestyle views. I have never yet, not allowed anything to be put on the website to broaden it. Are there things I wouldn't allow on there, sure, but most importantly I want it to be as diverse as this lifestyle." Sadie: In writing about BDSM, you tend to refer to submissives as being female. For example, "It ranges from the loving glances a dominant gives a submissive when she has accomplished something she didn't think she could, to the erotic sound of a flogger swishing through the air and lightly caressing a Submissive's body." How does DomSubNation reach out to other groups such as female Dominants, gay couples, transgendered people and so on? Pure Devil: "DomSubNation has always been open to everyone. In fact as far as our online persona, I think you can talk to most and find that we love the diversity. We have Dom/Dommes, Fem Submissives/Male Submissives, Lesbians, Bisexuals, Poly, Monogamous, CD's, TV's and probably anyone else you can think about. I wrote that quote many years ago and honestly was thinking about Femme Submissives because that's what I am and that's what I know about. But if you go deeper into the website you will see that in our links section we cover both the male and female, Submissive and Dominant sides. I would love to cover more if others would send information packets to be placed there. I have always wanted DomSubNation to be for everyone, everywhere." Sadie: What are some of the writing or content problems you see with material that's submitted? Any pet peeves? Pure Devil: "Oh being a writer I would never point out writing and content problems, otherwise my editors would laugh at me, because I truly suck at editing myself. Pet peeves are trying to keep writers and trying to get articles in on time or having to worry that an article won't come in and I will have to find something to fill a particular section. We have some tough sections to fill and its not easy to find dedicated writers willing to take on some of them. P.S. Trust me this will go through a couple of our editors before anyone will ever see it so I wont look too stupid." Sadie: The philosophy of your webpage is that, "The 'S" in sub was capitalized for a purpose, to be equal to the "D" in dom. It is our belief that Dominants and Submissives are equal partners in a relationship. We always felt uncomfortable in a lot of rooms where the "D" towered over the "s," looking down on it when we knew in fact the D/S we knew was nothing like that." Do you find that most readers get it, or do some really need to have the Dominant above the Submissive? Pure Devil: "The people I know get it, but some others don't. Of course those probably don't 'get' a lot of things. When I say equal partners, I sometimes get the argument that you can't be the same and have a role defined relationship. I disagree, to me equal doesn't always mean the same, when I say equal I mean equal but different. And personally I love the difference! Let's face it, one cannot fill the role without the other. Both sides make a wonderful whole." Sadie: How would you describe your approach to BDSM? How long have you been practicing BDSM? Pure Devil: "I have been involved in BDSM off and on since I was 19 when I first became sexually active. I have been involved in the D/S side it for about 6 years now. I guess if I had to define my approach to BDSM it would have to be, go out and have fun, just be smart about it. The one thing I find really frustrating is how people seem to find this lifestyle and lose their brains or common sense. I see 40 and 50 year old women and men act like 16 year olds going on their first date. It drives me crazy!" Sadie: What was the experience that tipped you over from being an occasional player to someone dedicated to the lifestyle? Pure Devil: "Tough question. In some ways I think for me that should be a bit reversed. When I found out about the lifestyle I became passionate and even consumed with it completely. I'm bad about that. I was also very narrow minded about the whole thing. I combined everything, BDSM and D/S and lumped it all in one basket. I thought you had to have it all or nothing. It was all about the RELATIONSHIP and it was mostly about SEX. As I evolved, as I'm still evolving, I find it's about so much more. I also find that you can be devoted to something without being so narrow minded about what it should or shouldn't be. Since I took off my blinders a whole new world has opened up for me and I think now I find myself even more devoted because I feel that people need to know that its okay. There truly is no right or wrong way as long as its practiced by consenting adults and things that I can't handle are fine for others to do." Sadie: How has your BDSM practice changed over time? Pure Devil: "Oh I love this question. Have you ever watched a baby grow up? From birthday to birthday, the changes are astounding. Sometimes the baby, when it is one, loves the pretty paper and bows on the outside of the box. Usually they couldn't care less about what's inside of it. They rip at the bows and paper and when they get it all off and see the brown box, they choose the paper and bows over the box. By year two, they want to know what's in that box, so they rip the paper and bows off and tear into that box. The excitement is usually overwhelming initially but then they quickly move to the next package and go for it. As they get older their preferences change and they enjoy some gifts more than others and sometimes they just want to play with the box. This goes on and on, I think you can see the development. "For me, my evolution went pretty much like the above. When I found the life, I just liked the bows and paper. To me those were the sensual things. Then came the boxes and what was in them. Those to me were the beginnings of the erotic pain, the floggers, clamps, wax, ice, etc. As the years have passed I think I've reached the puberty phase. I'm in that rebellious stage and I want to try it all! I've found I love a single tail, enjoy doing fire and needle play, love the marks left behind and I feel a great pride when I can push myself further than I've gone before. I still have a lot of growth to do and one place I know I need to grow is in protecting myself and not being such a teenager in this lifestyle. I need to take that next step and learn how to say RED or STOP and not think about competing sometimes with someone else. Sometimes I think this is the hardest growth stage in this lifestyle and in life period." Sadie: Are you involved in the BDSM groups in your area? What kinds of things do you get involved with? Pure Devil: "I am very involved in the group in my area. We only have one and I am very active in it. It was started by a wonderful couple about 90 miles from me and somehow we found each other. Now we hold munches/parties/demos every month either there or here. I host the ones here and not only do we get people from the area, but also have people come from as far away as California and Pennsylvania to attend them. We, even at our play parties, have very strict rules and it's more about meeting people and fellowship than the play itself. We laugh, we talk and we play and we usually have a blast. I tend to be the demo girl cause I love trying new things. If they need a volunteer my hand usually is the first they see." Sadie: Do you integrate spirituality into your BDSM practice? In what ways? Pure Devil: "To me there is nothing spiritual about BDSM, its just flat fun. But there is a spirituality about D/S that goes beyond what I have ever experienced. The funny thing is I think I saw this before in my parents who are not involved in D/S, so maybe its more that its spiritual to me because I need that type of relationship and I can see the spirituality in any good relationship where two people seem to know what the other is feeling or needing. I have never and won't ever believe we are special because we are in this lifestyle. And I will never say that people in any lifestyle can't feel that spirituality if they meet the right mate." Sadie: You write that, "D/S to us is more then safe, sane and consensual, although those are three very important parts of it. But going beyond that it is love, trust and respect. If you have those three things, the first three are givens." And yet God knows much of the play that occurs has little to do with love, and a lot to do with lust, desire and curiosity. Considering this, what are your thoughts on the reality of SSC in a context of play with near strangers? Pure Devil: "Again we lump play with the relationship, I never have and still can't. To me the D/S is the relationship the BDSM is the play. I know this isn't common belief or practice, but for me it is and for many whom I call friends. I can play outside a relationship and never really submit because I know I'm playing with a friend, not a lover, and because I want to try things and experience things. It's about greed, not about submitting and its about feeling selfish and not about doing something for anyone but me. I'm not saying I don't want them to enjoy it as well, but that's a given. They wouldn't be doing it if they didn't enjoy it. "Playing with strangers is just flat stupid. That's about all I can say about that. But maybe defining a stranger is in order. You can play with someone you have never met before and them not be a stranger if you know others who have played with them and have learned through friends that they are okay and safe. To me playing with a stranger is just walking up to someone you have never seen before or know nothing about and asking them to tie you up, that's just stupid. Would you give your wallet to a stranger on a sidewalk and tell them to hold it for you that you will be back to get it? Nope, so why would you give something much more valuable to someone you know nothing about? No one should ever park their common sense at the door when they go somewhere. If we don't use our instincts and brains in all areas of our lives we do ourselves a great disservice and leave ourselves open to not only being hurt but being very, very dead." Sadie: You write that, "When love, trust and respect have been found, a Dominant and a Submissive, are the ends of a circle or chain meeting, making it whole. Without one, the other cannot exist or become complete. They feel adrift without purpose and like a part of their reason for being is missing." This reflects the traditional approach in our culture toward marriage, that single people are not whole without a partner. Is there a way that you could also validate Dominants or Submissives who are not in a relationship, or who approach relationships in a nontraditional way? Pure Devil: "Well, since I am not officially in a relationship right now, I think I can validate myself. I honestly think its part of human nature to 'need' to be with others, to form relationships and to bond. If you live your life without anyone in it you cant have these feelings for, being another man, woman or family member, I believe we do feel we are missing something in our life. I brought it down to Dominant and Submissive because that's what I was writing about and I do believe its true, but I also believe again that it can be thrown to any good relationship. Being Dominant or Submissive in itself really doesn't need to be validated, they are personality traits. But when we find that connection I think we do feel more complete and feel more open to experiment and grow, but like I said it doesn't have to be a life mate it can be a good friend." Sadie: Is there anything else you'd like to share with our readers? Pure Devil: "One thing I would like to include is a word about the fallacy of not being judgmental because we are in this lifestyle or that somehow we are more tolerant of others. I see us each day putting down people in the so called 'nilla' lifestyle, just as some of them tend to put this lifestyle down. To me that is just as bad. I see them cringe at the thought of 'nilla' sex. I wish we would practice what we preach and perhaps we could make a difference. From what I have come to know the word 'vanilla' actually came from the gay community and included any sex that wasn't anal. So by that definition I guess we all or most of us are 'nilla' to some extent. Just be you, enjoy what you do, be honest and enjoy life, risk your heart but don't risk your life. We only live this life once, why worry about what others think or want as long as you are happy and they are happy. And last but not least, do no harm, to your mate, your friends and others involved in the lifestyle." Sadie: Thank you very much! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sensuous
Sadie is the author of It's Not
About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html).
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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