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Mayafire@aol.com
www.albanypowerexchange.com
SPECIAL NOTE: Mayafire and Sir Ron are the
co-leaders of APeX, one of the BDSM groups in Albany, NY.
SENSUOUS SADIE: How would you
describe your job as leader of the Albany Power Exchange?
MAYAFIRE: "My job? Good word, as it feels like APeX has become a
job of sorts. It certainly takes up as much time as a job!
"I feel my job is in running the day-to-day operations of APeX.
This includes Public Relations and all correspondence regarding the
Group; welcoming new members and helping to make them feel comfortable;
working on the Website; coordinating monthly and special events; and
almost anything else that needs to be done."
Sadie: How would you describe
your group?
Mayafire: "We are a fun loving social club for lifestylers which is
also committed to the education, support and well-being of our members.
We offer a friendly environment where people can meet to learn more
about the BDSM and D/s lifestyles and socialize with others of like
minds. We have over 300 adult members, with approximately 40 to 100
people from all walks of life and various experiences attending our
events."
Sadie: What do you feel are the
characteristics that make you such an effective leader? (Sadie says
"thick skin!)
Mayafire: "Well, actually you *need* thick skin to be a leader, but
it's not a quality I happen to have. Thankfully Sir Ron's skin is thick
enough for both of us. I think the qualities, which make me an effective
leader is open communication and a true compassion for people. I'm
trustworthy and friendly and people sense that. I also have an
enthusiasm for the success of the group, and that tends to rub off on
people."
Sadie: I'm sure you know that the
Vermont Society of Kink recently had its first soiree. The leader Lord
Esox told me (in his SCENEprofiles interview) that he based the
structure on that of the APeX soiree. You must feel very proud that your
philosophy is spreading to other states! Any comments on that?
Mayafire: "Yes. We have received numerous emails regarding our
Group and how far we've come in such a relatively short time. I think
it's the way we enthusiastically promote our monthly events (the Friday
Soiree and the Meet and Greet, and soon the North Country Munch) as
being fun and different from the average munch. Before we started the
Friday Soiree, munches always took place in restaurants and were called
'munches.' The name 'soiree' implies a party. It is held in a danceclub,
allowing for a more social and carefree atmosphere. Also being on a
Friday night, the attendees are able to relax more than at mid-week
events. People are attracted to those things."
Sadie: Your website appears to be
professionally designed, and if I say so myself (as a budding website
designer) it's pretty darn cool, not to mention very popular based on
the over 76,000 hits. You clearly feel that this communication is a
central one to APeX. What do you feel is the role your website plays in
your community?
Mayafire: "The Albany Power eXchange website is a pet project of
mine. We wanted a place for members to know what was happening in terms
of Events, so that's how it started. Also, when I searched the web for
BDSM and D/s information I found there was very little of quality out
there. There are a couple of sites that always come up as being THE
ones, but their content was never updated. Also, few were comprehensive
in terms of content, focusing on either essays or D/s or BDSM or
Leather. I do the website for me as much as for anyone else, but don't
make it look like a 'personal' project. People don't care about me and
how I feel about things; they just want info. They want and crave
valuable information in a user-friendly location, and if it's on the
APeX site, they don't have to search around all over the place. There's
stuff for new people, experienced people, and everyone in between. If
you're into technique or into learning what it is to be submissive, or
how to be a new Dom, or Leather History, you can find it on our site. I
think we're getting more than 500 hits a week now. Of course we wouldn't
have the site at all if not for the generosity of Lord Battista."
Sadie: As you see the upstate New
York community maturing, how do you think it will change and grow?
Mayafire: "Change is constant. Groups come and go. The political
climate has been volatile. This is true as much in upstate New York as
anywhere in the country. And with the Internet as such a powerful force
in today's social climate, more information (both good and bad) is
readily accessible to people. The Internet also helps to draw the
various groups together. We are already witnessing that happening and I
think there will be even more unity between the many New York groups, as
well as those in surrounding states, in the next few years."
Sadie: You are one of the largest
groups in the area. To what to you ascribe this success?
Mayafire: "We filled a tremendous need in the community by
providing fun and quality events. 'If you build it they will come' is
true in our case. We've seen others try too hard to do events and if
there's no interest people won't come. You can't manufacture or
manipulate people to think they want something they don't. Many people
want things, but don't want to pay for it or work for it themselves.
Hard work, thick skin, perseverance, and a love of people helps. I am
good with PR and it shows. Sir Ron and I put blood, sweat, tears and
money into APeX because we are truly committed to building and running a
quality club. You have to put a lot of yourself into something to make
it work."
Sadie: What have been the biggest
challenges in running your group?
Mayafire: "I guess the biggest challenge is balancing APeX and our
personal lives. It is amazing how intrusive and stressful starting and
running the group has been. Every day there is something to do, to
decide, to deal with. Also Sir Ron and I have very different ideas and
management styles and maintaining a positive home life, and especially a
D/s relationship, while running a group is difficult. Luckily we have a
loving relationship which is strong enough to sustain these challenges.
"Another challenge is trying to maintain a sense of community while
attempting to incorporate suggestions from many diverse people. The
cliche 'you can't please everyone' is so true. Sometimes it seems that
no matter what you do, there will be someone who doesn't like it. Kind
of damned if you do and damned if you don't. There have been times we've
planned one thing and ended up doing something else in order to go with
the pulse of the moment.
"Finally, staying focused and not letting little things distract us
from the goal of providing quality events and information to the
community."
Sadie: What are your goals and
hopes for the future of APeX?
Mayafire: "We want to incorporate as a not-for-profit group, which
is a process we have already begun exploring. Much as people might think
otherwise, we do not want APeX to be dependent strictly on our efforts
and community presence. It is our goal that APeX will survive as a
strong and successful group for many years to come when Sir Ron and I
are retired by the ocean sipping margaritas and contemplating our
navels."
Sadie: How has the process of
creating APeX changed you personally?
Mayafire: "I cry alot more than I used to. But I am much smarter
about many things than I was before. We try to learn from our mistakes,
and we've made many. A lot of starting and running a group as large and
successful as ours is done by trial and error. When another similar
situation comes up I would like to think I am better able to deal with
it than I was a year ago."
Sadie: How would you describe
your philosophy/approach as it pertains to the BDSM lifestyle? Are you
dominant, submissive, switch?
Mayafire: "I am a submissive with an assertive personality."
Sadie: How long have you been
involved in the BDSM scene? Please tell me a little bit about your
background and experience.
Mayafire: "I had fantasies of spanking and bondage and SM oriented
activities for a long time but am still considered a late bloomer. It
seems to me I was in college when these desires started to really take
hold of me but not knowing there was any kind of 'scene' or other people
into this stuff, I never pursued it other than to playfully ask to be
spanked by my boyfriend or ex husband. And I must say if and when they
did, it was dreadful and I never asked again. My ex husband was kinky
and loved toys and such but not to the level I needed.
"All through college and graduate school I felt most at home in the
gay dance bars. They were so free and kinky and I was drawn to that. I
didn't know why, but I knew I was way different than many of my friends.
I was drawn to men who liked rough sex and struggle games in bed; those
who would take my wrists and pull them together behind my back while
kissing me goodnight.
"I continued to scour through the stories in magazines like
Perversions to find SM related stories. These really turned me on, and
the more hardcore the better. Somewhere in the early 90's I visited my
brother in San Francisco and we went to the Castro district where I
immediately felt 'at home.' Not
because it was gay but because it was so sexually free. I visited Good
Vibrations (they have a fabulous Antique Vibrator Museum!) and bought
some spanking photo books and my first set of nipple clamps, which I
used when while masturbating. It was delightfully exciting... this new
and 'perverted' part of me.
"During my divorce in the mid 90's my obsession became greater. I
was getting spanked a little, and tied up a little, but still needed
more. More what I didn't know. I sought out 'ouch' pictures on the
Internet and would only consider dating anyone who would spank me (even
though I was scared to death of it). It turned out a vanilla
acquaintance was a Dominant (I found out after sending him one of the
'ouch' pics), and went over to his home to get spanked and ended up in a
2 1/2 year D/s relationship. When that ended, I met Sir Ron shortly
thereafter and the rest is history. We have been together since March
2000."
Sadie: What do you think about
educating the vanilla community about what we do?
Mayafire: "I think it is very important. Whether we like it or not,
the steadily increasing numbers of people who want to enjoy BDSM also
attract those who seek to condemn it. Gay history has shown that, while
it will be a difficult struggle, progress can be made. Unfortunately,
the way our lifestyle is portrayed in TV shows such as Law and Order is
how much of the vanilla population looks at us. They only hear about
then lifestyle when there is some sensational story on CNN of how a
Dominant lured some innocent young girl to be captive in his dungeon; or
how someone practiced breathplay during sex and died. And how can anyone
want to be 'beat up' as part of sex? Only with continued education and
support of organizations such as the National Coalition of Sexual
Freedom (of which APeX is a member) can we hope for any progress."
Sadie: How has BDSM changed your
life? If you had a choice, would you rather have been a regular
'vanilla' person?
Mayafire: "I have found my place. There is no way I could, or would
want to, turn back. The word 'regular' says it all... who would prefer
to be 'regular?' (Though I
admit that vanilla is my favorite ice cream flavor and one of my
favorite scents)."
Sadie: How did your approach to
BDSM change over time you've been exploring this side of your sexuality?
Mayafire: "I am more knowledgeable, but more realistic about how
D/s fits into everyday life."
Sadie: What kind of advice would
you give to novices starting out in the lifestyle?
Mayafire: "Due to the Internet, there is so much information out
there, both good and bad. Read all you can, find a group in your area
and meet friends into the lifestyle. This will show you that there are
real people just like you, with family and jobs, who just happen to have
an interest in BDSM or D/s. If they have educational classes or
discussion groups geared to your orientation (Dom or sub), please attend
and learn and grow and find your place in the lifestyle. And most of
all, practice safety when meeting and/or playing with others. The Albany
Power eXchange website has an extensive safety section in two different
sections."
Sadie: What are the biggest
challenges you've found in growing in your d/s lifestyle?
Mayafire: "Being realistic. Life is not the Story of O."
Sadie: Thank you very much for
chatting with me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sensuous
Sadie is the author of It's Not
About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html).
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of
Rose
&
Thorn
,
Vermont
's first BDSM group.
Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting
can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com
or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information
freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing
in most venues.
Copyright
2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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