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Interview with Lord Esox |
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Some photos of Lord Esox' cool handmade toys:
For more details: lord_esox@yahoo.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SENSUOUS SADIE: YOU HAVE BEEN AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF ROSE & THORN FOR SEVERAL YEARS. ALTHOUGH YOU ARE STILL A MEMBER OF R&T, WHAT WAS IT THAT ENCOURAGED YOU TO START ANOTHER GROUP? LORD ESOX: Options. Its always good to have options. I felt that there might be some people who did not care for the screening process that one has to go through to go to a Rose and Thorn event (though I will admit that there are many who feel safer at an R&T event because of this). You have to agree that for someone starting out, not sure of themselves and their interest in the lifestyle, going to a stranger's house to meet a group of people you don't know can be very intimidating. SS: HOW WOULD YOU CHARACTERIZE THE VSK SOIREES? LE: Well, after only one, I can only characterize so much. A lot of fun is a great start. It struck me that almost everyone made sure to go around and introduce themselves to all the attendees. The pub provides a great atmosphere and terrific food and drink at a reasonable price. I got a very friendly feeling from everyone there and I was really excited to see people enjoying themselves. SS: I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU PATTERNED THEM AFTER APEX OF ALBANY, NY. WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM THEM THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO BRING TO VERMONT? LE: Well, first off- when is a munch not a munch? When it's a Soiree! Thanks to Sir Ron and mayafire for that line and their help and guidance with the Soiree. I really learned how to set up a fun gathering for the Vermont community from APeX. What kind of place to look for and how to set it up. I really owe a debt of gratitude to APeX for their generous help. SS: WHAT DOES VSK OFFER TO THE COMMUNITY THAT IS SPECIAL AND UNIQUE? LE: I think a "munch" style gathering is great for folks who are not comfortable going to someone's home as well as to allow the rest of us kinksters a means of getting together where we are not necessarily in Dom/me or sub headspace, in a more vanilla setting. I think it gives us a way to get to know one another better as people instead of as Masters or Mistresses or slaves or whatever. After all we are all just people underneath our leather, pvc or latex. Also, not everyone wants to dress up to go to an event all the time, though I love to have the opportunity to do so. SS: HOW IS WHAT YOU OFFER COMPLIMENTARY TO ROSE & THORN'S OFFERINGS? LE: Well, we give people a chance to meet others in the lifestyle or with similar interests in a completely non-threatening atmosphere. For someone just exploring the kinky side of themselves, walking into a room full of leather clad Dominants, cross dressers and assorted other kinksters (who we all know and love) can be a rather overwhelming experience. The Soiree gives "newbies" an opportunity to meet others in a friendly vanilla atmosphere and I think would give a bit of a comfort level to them before attending a more private affair. Again, its all about options and letting people come in at their own pace. SS: WHAT HAVE BEEN THE BIGGEST CHALLENGES IN STARTING A NEW GROUP? LE: The hordes of rabid interviewers. LOL. In reality, trying to not take everything too seriously or too personally. Another thing that I have found difficult is to get people to get involved - at least at first. The first month or so on the listserv I felt like I was pulling teeth to try to get people to post, but we seem to have gotten past that nicely. SS: WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS THE MAIN GOAL OF THE VSK LISTSERV? LE: To give the Vermont and surrounding communities a way to communicate easily with one another. We are a very far flung community in a state with a small population. Many of us are in the Burlington area, but there are a lot of people in outlying areas that cannot always attend events around Burlington as much as they would like. It also gives those people a way to keep in touch with things that are going on, and a way to share thoughts and ideas. SS: AS MODERATOR OF THE LISTSERV, YOU SOMETIMES HAVE TO TAKE A VERY HARD LINE. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR APPROACH TO MODERATING THIS GROUP? LE: Well, I have taken a bit of a safety-first approach. I try to check out who has joined the group and get a sense of who is out there and what they are about. There have been a few times where I have been a little too reactionary and dictatorial in my approach, but I think for the most part the majority of members have been very supportive of how I have been running things. I have certainly changed that approach, I do my best to learn from my mistakes and better myself as a person and as moderator of the group. SS: HOW HAS THE PROCESS OF CREATING VSK CHANGED YOU PERSONALLY? LE: It has certainly made me think a lot more about a lot of issues and how people react to what you have to say. As a leader of a BDSM group you really set yourself up as a lightning rod. As much as you might want to, you cannot please everyone all of the time. I have made some mistakes already and I will again in the future, I am only human. These mistakes and disagreements have been aired to me in public and private and have made me look into myself a lot. I do like being questioned from time to time. For me it's a lot like writing a really good paper- the original draft get critiqued and torn apart and the next draft is better and stronger. Unlike a paper however, personal growth is a constant thing, not something you have a final due date for. SS: WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT LEADERSHIP, ABOUT COMMUNITY, AND ABOUT BDSM? LE: I have learned to have a thicker skin and not let things get to me. I have learned that sometimes the best response is no response at all. I have learned that no matter what people will always surprise you for good or ill. It's a fun process, a little nerve wracking at times. There are a lot of very strong personalities in the BDSM community and with that there will always be people butting heads over different issues. Sometimes its best to just take a step back and wait until the dust settles. A lot of conflicts do tend to resolve themselves. Perhaps one of the most important things that I have learned is that we all need to agree to disagree. I have learned a lot about the local community and the politics involved in it. It's a young community that is very energetic but lacks experience. We are growing and changing constantly. It is a very friendly and enthusiastic community with much to offer. SS: MANY OF US KNOW YOU FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL LEATHER PRODUCTS, INCLUDING FLOGGERS AND OTHER ITEMS. WHAT GOT YOU INTERESTED IN MAKING CUSTOM LEATHER GOODS? I am really a do-it-yourself kinda guy. I have always been very good with My hands- especially doing detail work. When I first got interested in BDSM I looked at the prices of some of the leather products and I was blown away by how expensive things were. After reading a couple of books and looking at some web sites I realized I could make a lot of this stuff myself. So with that I got my first piece of leather and out came some floggers and cuffs and a few other odds and ends. It just grew from there. I love having the ability to look at a toy online or in a store and then go home and make it myself. I am a very creative person and this gives me yet another outlet for that creativity. SS: YOU'VE TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE AN INCREDIBLE "TOY BOX." WHAT ARE SOME OF THE MORE INTERESTING AND UNUSUAL ITEMS THAT YOU OWN? LE: (BIG grin!!) Lets see. My latest and greatest addition to my toy box is a four foot single tail (technically, a four foot 12 plait signal whip handmade by Axel). I feel like I was destined to own and use one of these fabulous tools. They are really alive and have their own personality. They need a lot of practice to use properly but there is magic in them if you can capture the beast so to speak. I have recently gotten a couple of swords that I quite enjoy. I bet that most people never thought that a four and a half foot claymore could be used as a vibrator or as a way to spank someone. I also have gotten some interesting outfits that I really don't want to talk to much about- I would rather get raw reactions to them when people see them for the first time. Some of the toys that I enjoy using most are simple little things that I find here and there. My fish scaler is one of those. Just a pressed piece of metal with so many different sensations that it can provide, and a real bargain at 99 cents. I love going into stores like Wal-Mart and Price Chopper with a kinky mindset. There are so many "pervertables" out there. SS: FOR THOSE READERS WHO MIGHT NOT BE UP ON THEIR LATIN, THE ESOX OF YOUR NAME IS RELATED TO YOUR LOVE OF FISH. IN WHAT WAYS DOES YOUR LIFESTYLE IN FISHING INTERSECT WITH YOUR LIFESTYLE IN BDSM? LE: Esox is the genus name for the northern pike, pickerel and musky family. These are a group of freshwater predators- sometimes referred to as "water wolves." My personal "totem animal" is the muskellunge. Its one of the largest freshwater predators in North America and is one of my favorite fish to hunt. I will spend many hours in a canoe chasing muskies with a fly rod and over the course of a year I may catch less than ten, but those ten fish will be memorable. For me even seeing a musky makes for a great day. Fishing for muskies and other species has taught me a lot about patience and enjoying the chase as much as landing the fish which can be translated in BDSM terms as enjoying the journey as much as the destination. Sometimes fishing is not about catching fish its about being out there, enjoying the environment that you are in and the company you are with. Fly fishing to me is a very spiritual thing. It allows me to put everything into perspective. It gives me time to reflect on a lot of things, to laugh at myself and to learn more about the world that most of us have no idea that exists below the surface of the water. I have had some of my greatest revelations when I was fishing as well as some of the dumbest things I have ever done (never try to stand in a canoe when you are only 10 feet away from a crocodile - big mistake). There are two aspects of my life when I feel most alive - when I am standing in a stream or in my canoe with a big fish on the end of my line and the other is when someone has entrusted their submission to me. It may seem that these two things have very little in common, but there are some similarities. When you are playing a large fish or sceneing with a sub, your senses are heightened, your thoughts and energy are focussed on one thing. There is that moment of truth in both things- when the fish is brought to hand or the submissive is on the verge of an earth shattering orgasm or deep in subspace. Of course there are many differences - I do try not to cuddle with many fish after having played them. SS: PLEASE TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND IN BDSM: HOW YOU GOT INTERESTED IN THIS, WHAT YOUR SPECIAL INTERESTS ARE, AND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A SUBMISSIVE. LE: My interest was sparked by a personals ad I responded to online which just clicked with me. That spark quickly turned into a small fire then into the furnace that I feel inside me now. I have set out to learn all that I can about the lifestyle from books, online and others in the lifestyle. I have sought out experiences and made some of the best friends I ever have. I have not been involved in BDSM all that long, just a little over two years. In that time I have gone through some of the most magical changes that I have ever experienced. Its like much of my life has prepared me for who I am today. Life is a constant state of evolution: I was once told that I was a mutant by a palm reader. I took that as a compliment since mutants in the natural world allow evolution to happen. My interests are many and varied. There are a lot of things that I enjoy a great deal most especially flogging and sensual play but if I tried to list all the things that I am interested in I would end up writing forever. I do love the mindphuck, letting the "evil" side of me well out into a scene, and cuddling with a woman who I have lead on an incredible voyage. To me that is the best part- basking in the glow of a submissive coming out of subspace, taking care of and comforting her. That is the essence of BDSM to me. I am looking for someone who is real. An intelligent young woman with an open mind that shares many of my vanilla interests. I want a strong woman who is willing to give herself up to me in the bedroom but be equals much of the time. I don't currently want a 24/7 relationship- though there will be times that will be fun to experience together. I want someone I can enjoy life with both within the Scene and out on the water. I know what I want and I won't settle for anything less. I do know that the chase will be a long one when I find her, but patience and persistence will rule the day. SS: WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS AND HOPES FOR THE FUTURE OF VSK? LE: Simple - to better and strengthen the Vermont BDSM community. SS: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO ADD? LE: I have been adding two plus two for years! LOL For what its worth, I have one of the most corny senses of humor that any one has ever been afflicted with. I guess that's a note of caution. SS: THANK YOU VERY MUCH! LE: It's a pleasure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sensuous
Sadie is the author of It's Not
About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html).
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
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