|
|
||||||
|
|
Interview with Dex |
|
||||
|
|
||||||
|
|
|
Sensuous Sadie: I have visited your website which shows photographs of your real-time house: House Mermaid. Please tell me about how you came to have such an elaborate and professional house? Dex: "House Mermaid is a progression in growth for Me and my submissive, barbie, in the lifestyle. When W/we were looking for a House to buy, W/we had been 24/7 for 2 1/2 years and had been used to opening our home to the community for chats, demos and parties. W/we however were somewhat limited in what we could do in that W/we had been renting. In looking for a House to buy, W/we knew that W/we could do anything to it and wanted to be forward visioning to what future possibilities might hold. Part of this was to build a first class dungeon, which is only half complete. The upper dungeon has been open for the last 6 months, work on the lower dungeon is still on going. Fetishes also are expensive and W/we did not want to be house poor so price, quality of the House and location all factored in to O/our final decisions. "Then came the work of actually converting an attic and cellar into a professional looking dungeon with proper and efficient utilization of the space. I could not have done this without the help of some lifestyle friends. They toiled beside me in 95 degree heat in the attic all last summer turning it into what you now see at the website. Of course when you're working elbow to elbow with Dominants and submissives toward a common vision, then you become very close. It is an honor to be their friend and to have them affiliated with the House." "Sadie: Can you explain for our readers what it means when you say that your house follows traditional lifestyle, lifestyle, not prodom? "Dex: "Traditional lifestyle–in that I do not cyber, IM extensively and have never been in a chatroom. I honor protocols and etiquette, attempt to live in real time the lifestyle and traditions which I have been shown face to face, in real life through mentoring and demonstrations. Traditionally, the lifestyle community is very discrete, close mouthed, and courteous. Skills are passed down by word of mouth, face to face, by hands on training and experiences, both from the Top and the bottom. This is one reason I value education so much, learning new things and passing them on to others. "I am not a professional Dominant, meaning I do not accept payment, or money, tributes or gifts in return for play or sessions. I do not charge for any event at House Mermaid; it is part of the House’s contribution to the lifestyle to be able to share it with others in surrounding communities." Sadie: What do your monthly parties entail? Are they by invitation only? "Dex: "Monthly parties are by invitation only, and are private events. Since W/we live in a vanilla community, discretion is required in coming and going from the House. W/we ask that no fetish attire be worn to or from the House or that it be discreetly covered by a long coat or by layering clothing over it. There is a change room and large wardrobe to accommodate changing inside the House. Guests are greeted at the door with 'Welcome to House Mermaid.' Dominants are rung aboard using the ship’s bell in formal greeting. First time guests are given a tour of the House/dungeon and given a safety briefing. Others socialize during this time, then I usually greet everyone and the party begins with play going on in the dungeon and socializing downstairs in the living room, dining room, kitchen area. The House is a non-smoking House, smokers put a coat or cover up over their attire and slip out on the back porch to smoke. All W/we ever ask is that guests at events bring a soda and a dish to share potluck style. "All House Mermaid events are non-alcoholic. Parties usually have between 20 and 30 people in attendance, mostly couples and triads, one or two single males will be invited each time and there is no limitation on single females. All are encouraged to negotiate a play partner before they arrive so parties are never a meat market atmosphere. Party protocol is simple. The first question asked of anyone is simply, Is there anyone I should be talking to before I talk to you? This is simply a way of asking someone if they are collared or not. If collared the Dominant should be approached first, if not then discussion can be entertained. For a submissive approached for play who is not interested in such, the answer is a simple no. Persisting behavior should be reported to one of the House members. Inappropriate behavior will affect future invites. As Master of House Mermaid, I never approach anyone for play, but may be approached by Dominants for play with their submissive, or by submissives with permission of their Dominant, or by unaccompanied submissives. "Who attends parties, what scenes are done, who
was wearing what are not to be talked about after the party with anyone
who was not at the party. What goes on in the House stays in the House.
Lack of respect for this request will result in future non-invites. Dex: "I never charge anyone or group for a demo. Some constraints involved are obvious, time off from work when necessary, distance, travel, and in some cases an overnight stay. If any of these are too great I would be open to discussing solutions. "barbie leads discussions on the value of journaling or the Slave Diary. Currently her diary is 3 years old and has over 250 type written pages. I have a unique way of interacting with it. She is also available to lead submissives in position training. I love doing singletail demonstrations and workshops, waxing, tactile play, fire and ice play, flogging, leather, Violet Wand, and food play. I have led demos for Anchor, TIED, Albany Stocks and Bonds, House Mermaid, and Rose & Thorn. I will be conducting a long whip demo at the 2002 summer bash for APeX. "I will defer describing in detail my food demo
simply because I do not believe in cyber. I will say that food play can
be much more advanced and fun than the simple scene in the movie 9 1/2
Weeks. Food comes in all different shapes and textures, tastes, feels
and applications. Many different scenes can be set up utilizing food
alone, or in combination with other techniques. Saran Wrapping a table
setting incorporates simple bondage with functionality of presentation
at a Formal Dinner. Food is fun and is equally fun when involving
submissives and BDSM. I would simply say the best way to answer your
question is to see one of my food demos. Dex: "Terminology of ‘levels’ regarding different kinds of BDSM activities is not common in this region of the country, but in other regions it is. I find it helpful at times in keeping certain types of activities at gatherings in appropriate contexts. "Level 1 Events: are public events such as ‘gatherings’ described as munches, meet and greets and soirees. They are in public places, easily accessible by both vanilla and community members. Generally no fetish attire is allowed, and Public Rules of Conduct apply. "Level 2 Events: such as R/T chats or Demos, are in a private or ‘secure’ location, nudity or partial nudity may be experienced when appropriate do to the nature of the topic discussed. Real time SM techniques may be discussed and demonstrated, but generally the attendees do not participate–only the facilitator/demonstrators. Depending upon the location, fetish attire, collars, lifestyle dress, and decorum may be allowed. For someone new inquiring about a chat, I usually ask them how many munches they’ve been too, if they have any problems with nudity, and would they be comfortable being around other community members without a safe call in place. If they need a safe call, then they have not been to enough munches, etc. to be comfortable enough with the community and the lifestyle to attend a Level 2 event. This is not written down anywhere, this is simply Dex’s thermometer. A certain trust level has to be established between the individual attending and the community creating the environment at the chat/demo. "Level 3 Events: A level 3 event is a gathering, social where BDSM play is going to take place. The focus in BDSM has always been on the techniques and lifestyle aspect of SM and not on sex. This is usually what separates BDSMers from swingers. Protocols are different between BDSMers and protocols swingers use. At a Level 3 event you would expect to see all forms of BDSM play, but not penetration sex. Any sexual contact would be protected by a fluid barrier. Level 3 Events are restricted by the rules of the dungeon, the group hosting the event, and there are limitations of some kind on certain types of play. This might range from the type of sexual contact which can occur, to techniques not being allowed, such as fire play, blood play, or piercing. Level 3 Events are restricted in some way. "Level 4 Events are not restricted in any way other than the limitations of the participants. In SSC hard limits are respected and no one would be asked to do anything that violated a hard limit. Sex in the dungeon is allowed, but protected sex. Very few, if any techniques are restricted, but many dungeons will limit certain types of play to certain specific areas. Limitations of facilities, safety and sanitation often limit golden shower, scat and blood play. So a Level 4 Event might have restrictions in these areas, but restrictions are minimal. There is usually a high level of trust and respect between attendees at Level 4 events. Limitations at Level 4 events generally occur between the individual submissive/Dominant as to their own particular limits or skill levels and not restrictions of the event itself. "The dungeon rules at House Mermaid govern what
level of party occurs, but generally House parties would be classified
as Level 3 events. It is rare that one would see protected sex in the
dungeon, though not specifically forbidden in the rules. House Mermaid
parties are not swingers events, and swingers are discouraged from
attending. If there is an activity you're unsure of at House Mermaid,
refer to the dungeon rules, or ask a House member." Dex: "I have been involved in BDSM only the last
3 years, in many respects, there are many others with more years in the
lifestyle. Experiences I had as a child with a Sadistic vanilla MommÈ,
as well as Navy training has been a precursor to lifestyle experiences.
Having been in a 24/7 for three years has allowed constant accessibility
and growth for both Me and barbie. I am a member of Black Rose, TIED,
WMPE, Albany Stocks & Bonds, and Albany Power eXchange. My
particular areas of interest are R/T 24/7 and molding a traditional
lifestyle House as in years gone by, behavior enhancement, D/s
relationship building, and seeking true trusted friends in the
lifestyle. I think any good Dominant has to have a creative, inquisitive
mind, and is always searching for new ways to challenge and allow the
submissive to grow. I do not switch, but believe there is a little
switch in all of us. I do a demo on ‘Mental Masturbation’ which will
conclusively show those who think they are not switches this
phenomena." "Dex: "There are
many ways. I love the mental aspect of BDSM; it is where really all
training has its root. I will simply share a story to illustrate this.
Early in O/our relationship, I had a session with barbie, private
bondage tied to a bed she gave me her submission. Hours later W/we were
driving down the road and she had her hand gently resting on my thigh.
Without saying a word, or a look passing between U/us, I started
rhythmically flexing my thigh muscle at the same rhythm I had used
earlier during our session. Pretty soon, barbie started blushing, from
across the car I could feel her body temperature was starting to rise,
and her breathing was almost imperceptibly, yet, noticeably shorter.
After a while, I asked her what she was thinking about. She said the
scene W/we had together earlier. I told her what I had done, by flexing
my thigh I had used a non-verbal body signal that caused her to recall
this scene to relive it. To this very day, three years later, W/we can
be in a crowded restaurant or at a munch. I can be talking to someone
else, and her response will be the same." Dex: "Whips fall into different types of classes: floggers, cat o’ nine tails, quirts, and single tails. A single tail is simply any whip, which has only one tail. Single tails also are generally divided into short whips and long whips. A long whip is any whip which is over six ft. When they refer to a single tail in the scene, most people are referring to a dog signal whip. Single tails are like floggers: the sensation, feel, way it throws, and technique are affected by many factors, type of leather it is made out of, skill of the braider or whip maker, and type or construction of the whip. Generally, there are four types of single tails: Bull whips, snake whips, dog signal whips, and stock whips. There are buggy whips and other types of single tails used, but usually only seen in pony play. The standard fare for dungeon play is the signal whip. The popper is braided directly into the plaiting of the whip. This lends itself to accurate throws and affects the flexibility of the whip at the end. Bull whips are popular in long whip throwing, but rarer to see in short whip form necessary for inside dungeon play. "I throw a snake whip. It is my preference. It is more flexible and fluid in motion than a signal whip. It uncoils toward its prey in symmetry and fluidity of motion much as a snake going to strike a victim. When combined with the other elements of a scene, such as music and lighting, it can produce an almost hypnotic effect. Each type of whip requires a little different type of feel, style, and throw. The standard throws seen in East Coast scene play with a signal whip simply will not work with a snake whip. So naturally I’ve developed my own style. Each whip handler, as he or she gains expertise and the whip becomes an extension of the arm, mind, and eye, will over time develop his or her own style. One style is not better than another, as long as the whip remains under control, is accurate, and the ability of the Dominant is not exceeded or the limits of the submissive. I find the snake whip to be very erotic, I’m one of few whip masters who can feather consistently nipple to nipple in figure eight patterns, where play is directly on the nipple. I can feather the clitoral area or ball area depending upon the gender of the submissive. Generally, I don't mark a submissive. The scene has to lend itself to marking, and this must be specifically negotiated, otherwise expect no marks. Single tailing with proper warmup, building in intensity, cooling down without leaving marks requires a different skill level. I know of no one else in the scene throwing a snake whip with this accuracy. I know several Masters throwing a signal whip with this accuracy. For me, it is a passion that goes beyond technique and skill, to artistry and magic. "The single tail keeps me interested simply
because it is the one skill toy in anyone’s toy bag. Anyone can flog,
anyone can spank, anyone can learn to do electric play, but not everyone
can learn to single tail. Timing, rhythm, feel for the whip all take
time and patience to develop, some people have it naturally, some will
never get the knack of it. If, after a year of practice and play with a
willing submissive, a Dominant does not have it, he or she should simply
move on to other toy and retire the whip before hurting someone. The
single tail is the one toy which can cut a nipple off if used improperly
or take a submissive on flight and bring them to orgasm all from five
ft. away without touching them. Do you see why it fascinates me?" Dex: "Pretty simple actually. During the getting to know each other period, the submissive who is interested in a Dominant asks or petitions for a collar of consideration. This blue collar is given so others in the community know there is an interest between this couple on investigating BDSM and exploring whether a deeper relationship and commitment is possible. Usually it lasts 30 days, sometimes accompanied by a written contract of expectations, but it can be extended for longer periods of time. This is followed by a petition for a red training collar, and a training contract. Training collars are worn for at least a year as that is how long it would take to train a submissive in the various aspects of BDSM, techniques, and expectations in a formal House given 24/7 access. Of course given accessibility and 24/7 or not setting training could take much longer. Following the training period, if there is an interest in ownership by the Dominant or on the submissive’s behalf, an ownership collar is placed on the submissive in formal ceremony. The submissive is contracted. "When I met barbie, we spent one month getting to
know each other in a vanilla and BDSM way, attending munches, etc. After
one month, barbie entered a one month contract for a collar of
consideration. I was in the process of a separation/divorce at the time
and did not want to put her in a training collar until W/we could be in
a 24/7 situation. So her collar of consideration was extended for three
more months. Then she wore My training collar for a year. The lifestyle
couple who witnessed O/our training contract, a year later, also
witnessed and signed O/our ownership contract which hangs framed on the
wall in House Mermaid." Dex: "I am looking forward to additional submissives joining the House, but am not in any hurry. Physically the House will support 2 more 24/7 submissives. I’m also currently looking for a male or female who is interested in puppy training: voice, hand signal, and responsive barking. The submissive who enters House Mermaid as a House member would have to realize barbie is the Lady of the House and the alpha submissive. Roles would have to be clearly defined and training would be the initial focus, if a new member progressed to ownership a polyamorous setting would have to be mentally and emotionally supportive. Otherwise following training, they would be released to find an owner. The submissive interested in this would have to be focused, sincere in the aspects of BDSM, and following their path. Sex is not the focus or goal."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sensuous
Sadie is the author of It's Not
About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html).
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications
|
|
|
||
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
