Interview with Decima
Founder of Fetish Fashion,
a Dungeon in Hong Kong 

cuties@attglobal.net 
www.fetishfashion.com.hk 

Read Decima’s Column True Freedom  
Read Decima’s Column Getting Comfortable with Submission

DECIMA: "There were many people who had no outlet, who felt alone in their predilections. It’s quite different interacting with others of like mind rather than with a computer screen. The couples scene isn’t so big here, partly because of Asian culture, so we tended to have more men than women. This is still true but we are seeing a more open acceptance of BDSM in the media. Pre-arrest, the scene was really taking off; our family was growing. Post trial we are also caught up in the Asian recession; post trial was are seeing the return of confidence in the safety of coming out in the scene but it’s going to be a long process naturally."

Decima: "I haven’t experienced the scene in America but I would suspect that we don’t differ too much. There is an emphasis on bondage here and possibly less of an emphasis on edge play. I would say that a Chinese submissive, properly trained can be a marvelous creature. Once trust is established there is a wonderful relationship of great depth and loyalty. Chinese value loyalty greatly and rightly, take time to decide whether to give it. Family is very important and sometimes having to live part of their life in secret can be difficult."

Decima: "It’s the whole reason for it…. It certainly isn’t money! We have just covered expenses most of the time. People are welcome to come to talk, to just have a sense of coming home. We are welcoming and supportive, always take time to explain where it is requested and to make people feel welcome. A fetish store can be a daunting place for those who feel they don’t speak the language yet and it’s our job to let them have a good experience of their first time in the store. Many times they don’t buy but will return at a later date to explore further. The playrooms are always a good starting pint for discussion of hitherto unexpressed desires. Our message is always,' You are not alone'"

Decima: "Oh the camaraderie… It’s just great to get together with friends and to see the way they interact. I’m especially pleased that the code of conduct in the parties is passed on through example to new attendees and we never have a problem with inappropriate behaviour. Scenes are observed with respect. The great joy is seeing someone really touch something deep in themselves knowing they are in a supportive atmosphere. We’ve had some wonderful suspension bondage by a Japanese trained Domme and a great demo of catheterization by a real male nursing officer! Theme parties have been fun, especially at Christmas where we had free admission for male Christmas fairies."

Decima: "I’m a firm believer in the importance of quality. If you’re going to put your body on equipment it’s so much better if the hides are the best you can get, that the craftsmanship on the scrolling of a bondage chair is going to enhance the beauty of the scene. John Bannister knew exactly how to use every inch of space to great effect and that’s a huge bonus in space-starved Hong Kong. His advice and his great ideas made all the difference. We feel that we have playrooms to be proud of that proclaim that we take our area and our customers seriously. They set the tone for our whole approach to BDSM."

Decima: "I had a good friend who was a cross dresser. I saw what he went through in terms of his acceptance of himself as a father and a husband and a cross dresser. He told me many stories about the difficulties of others in Hong Kong. It’s true I think that CD’s are among the most misunderstood groups within alternative sexuality; at a pinch you could declare your interest in being spanked, tied up, and of course in being gay.

"But say that you like to wear women’s clothes and you are in danger of being labeled in the most dreadful manner. Wives can feel that they have lost their husband and what he represents in the marriage (remember we’re in Asia)but to the man concerned it’s as natural as breathing. As a result there is great guilt but at the same time great longing. My background is in theatre and I find my skills of makeup and costume naturally used in a transformation. I was also a photographer and so enjoy recording the CD where it’s requested.

"I really like CD’s and find men dressed as women to be fascinating and, if I’m honest, very attractive. It’s such a wonderful mixture of genders and sexuality. We are considering changing one of our rooms into a permanent transformation room."

Decima: "Honestly It’s a mixture. Many smaller fun things are bought for presents, the T back are popular, as are our great silicone dildos from New Zealand and flexible vibrators from Germany. Rubber is well used out here, despite the heat! I have my whips made in Australia from kangaroo hide. We do these on request only because they do tend to be rather expensive but I believe them to be some of the best in the world. We also sell lots of cock rings. Some customers come from Malaysia and Singapore and want to buy articles that don’t look like fetish just in case the customs open their cases on the way home!"

Decima: "My main focus at the moment, post trial, is public speaking where I am invited. I do a great deal with the local universities where BDSM is part of many sociology courses and also study for medical students. I’ve spoken at Rotary clubs, Foreign Correspondent Clubs and given a seemingly endless number of newspaper interviews. Yes, I do think that education is important. If we are ever to gain acceptance the community needs to be understood.

After the experience of a year’s arrest and a month’s trial I never want anyone else to go through that because of police ignorance. In Hong Kong we are where gays were ten years ago. The law only permitted gay sex around a decade ago so we have a lot of catching up to do. I’m the most unlikely looking scene person I think, grey hair, ready to be a grandmother (I wish!) but it’s who I am and I believe that my extremely conservative appearance really helps when I have to speak in public.

"Yes, I do believe it’s possible to educate the public about BDSM and to promote tolerance. That is what we want and what is our right. I have to speak for those who dare not."

Decima: "I’ve been many years thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that I’m an erotic bottom/submissive but enjoy the craft of Domination tremendously. Submission is private for me and it’s my erotic choice without a doubt. Because of the nature of the business I have exercised my Dominant skills almost exclusively and have adored it. I like BCT, bondage, single tail work, but above all it’s the glorious communication with the soul of the sub that thrills me. I work very quietly and gently. Hurt? Yes. Harm? Never. It’s a meeting of equals."

Decima: "It’s the meeting of souls, the baring of parts of both people which might usually be part of Jung’s shadow. The total acceptance of another’s needs and deep desires is a gift. I’m a Christian and believe that we are on earth to care for one another; to allow the freedom for this often hidden part of ourselves to be explored in safety and with caring is just fantastic. I feel uplifted after a session; there is sexual healing to be done. I don’t mean this in the manner of physical sex because that is not part of Domination to me, but rather in the sense of an acceptance of our erotic selves."

Decima: "Oh these are deep waters. I just am firm in the belief that I’m meant to be doing this, that this is how I am intended to be helping people be at peace, whether it’s just by allowing them the space to chat and feel accepted, by welcoming them to a party or by communicating at length in email."

Decima: "I have a few people with whom I enjoy working very much. I am in the fortunate position of not having to rely on this for my living. Am I professional in my approach? Yes."

Decima: "Listening, accepting and asking the right questions at the right time. People actually know what they want, they just have to be shown the way of finding it and expressing it. Society and families begin the process of reducing the richness of sexuality quite early according to Richard Henkin by imposing rigid categories of valid/invalid, natural/unnatural sexuality. 'While we are discovering the special attributes that make us who we are, we are simultaneously being trained to subdue, suppress and disown important facets of ourselves.' I see my job as helping someone to rediscover those facets."

Decima: "I contacted the organizers of the World Congress which was held in Hong Kong two years ago to ask why there was so little about alternative sexuality. I explained who I was and what I did, and was invited to submit an abstract to the academic committee. The abstract was accepted and I will present the paper in mid-November, 2002 in Singapore. I want attendees to have a chance to hear about BDSM from a practitioner who is at ease with her predilections. I'm sure that many of them hear only through their professional references or encounter a BDSM element in a patient who has other issues. I had to explain carefully to them that although I was academically trained that it was as an educator rather than as a medical practitioner. The majority of participants will be psychologists, medicos and psychiatrists."

Decima: "Oh goodness, how long do you have? Basically the police read a report on our business in a local Chinese language scandal sheet and thought that the innuendoes contain therein would be a good basis for some action. The innuendoes were false of course and thus misleading to the police. I suspect they thought we were running a cover for a brothel. Understanding of BDSM has a long way to go. They raided a play party and then took almost four months to decide whether to charge us. In the event only my husband, my manager and myself were charged. For full details you could go to: http://www.fetishfashion.com.hk/whatpricefreedom.htm "

"We prevailed because we were completely innocent. We had a wonderful team of lawyers who believed in us and in the righteousness of our case. We brought experts from UK and Hong Kong to speak about BDSM; I testified on the stand as honestly as I could. The police, unfortunately for them, tended to exaggerate and in some cases simply lied to try to get their case won. This backfired on them badly and the magistrate in his judgment criticized the police for their lack of believable evidence and praised us for our honesty and credibility, saying that it was obvious that nothing was going on at the party which couldn’t be seen on a movie screen in Hong Kong or experienced in more public places.

He was satisfied that we had put in place sufficient admission policies to prevent the inadvertent admission of anyone who did not have a genuine interest in BDSM. He accepted that the scenes in front of observers, (a regular situation in play parties) did not constitute an 'objectionable public performance.' It has become clear to us that the Director of Public Prosecutions was mislead by the police into believing that more was going on than actually was, It’s a huge embarrassment for the Hong Kong Police and Government and has, by the time our costs are awarded cost them over a million US$. Considering that Hong Kong has to limit the number of liver transplants available because of cost issues I consider that the true obscenity, that people die for lack of funds which are spent on erroneous and petty prosecutions such as ours."

Decima: "It all depends on your local laws. In Hong Kong it’s very grey. I would carefully vette every new person before they are sold a ticket, having them sign an undertaking that they fully understand the nature of the party and declaring their personal interest in it. We never permit sex to take place at parties, no drugs are permitted and the minimum of alcohol. We don’t even permit regular smoking either. Anyone who cannot abide by these rules is asked to leave. Actually only one drunk and a masturbator in four years and a hundred parties. Not bad. As a result we have safe and friendly parties."

Decima: "People have been wonderfully supportive. We have an appeal to help with our US $400,000 costs. The costs for trial have to be born by the defendants here and paid up front. We have been awarded the return of costs by the Government which means that we have to negotiate with them for the percentage they will pay, probably 70%.

"Business has been affected but is recovering slowly. The Asian recession hit at the same time. We shall have to support the business for some time I think. On a personal level it was a terrifying experience. To be unfairly accused and be in the system is a nightmare. I’ve never had a speeding ticket. I had to be treated for depression and post traumatic stress syndrome but have emerged from it with a real desire to educate and to try to avoid this happening to other people."

Decima: "It takes great strength to look at your erotic needs and allow them to be met, especially when they appear contradictory to political gender correctness. You are opening up an area of yourself which you may not have dared to look at, let alone explore. You are giving a sacred part of yourself into the hands of someone else. This takes courage. Accepting every facet of you takes strength; it’s so much easier to put it in the shadow and leave it there, only being half of what you were meant to be. We need to be whole."

Decima: "I consider it dangerous and demeaning for the sub. It suggests that there are confidence issues which need to be worked through by the sub. Dominants are no more valuable than submissives. As for no limits…..In private arrangements between established couples it may work if there has been sufficient discussion and understanding and the idea of no limits has an erotic thrill to it. In reality the sub is relying on the Dom/me to exercise their sensitivity to the situation. In play parties with less intimately joined persons I think it’s essential.

"In fact I believe it gives even more freedom to the submissive because he or she can stretch themselves in safety. Of course if they’re flying then the Dominant really has to be able to read the limits themselves and that’s where the sensitivity is of paramount importance."

Decima: "After 32 years in education I didn’t expect to retire and do this! It goes to show that life leads you down strange pathways. I have never felt so fulfilled. My daughters have been wonderfully supportive of their crazy mother and I have discovered a new way of making a difference in people’s lives."

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Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html). She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn , Vermont 's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com  or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications