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ncalif_d@yahoo.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mahogany_pleasures_of_darkness/
and
their national sister group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Dark_Connections
SENSUOUS SADIE: In 1999, you founded the Mahogany Pleasures of Darkness
group. This was a time when there were very few people of color in
the San Francisco scene. Considering how sex-positive it is there, how
do you explain this?
DARRELL: In 1997-99 I ran a national group called BDSM4POC [BDSM for
People of Color]. This was one of the few groups that was actively
discussing BDSM with a focus on people of color. I met enough people
through that group to consider putting together a local BDSM group.
"When I started the Mahogany group in 1999, there were very few
people of color who were openly active in the BDSM scene. I think the
reason for this is that BDSM was still considered the 'ultimate taboo'
in most communities. However, I think that there are various reasons for
this line of thinking, but I think it may also have come from a lack of
a catalyst to get people out. San Francisco is notorious for being a bit
more antisocial than other places in the outlining San Francisco Bay
Area. Many people of color were playing privately, and not publicly.
(Believe it or not) It took the availability of the Internet coupled
with changing attitudes about sexuality to allow a group like Mahogany
to exist. Since the creation of Mahogany, the local community has
changed for the better."
Sadie: I know that race is a delicate area to be asking questions about,
but I'm interested in any special issues you've confronted in the scene
having to do with being a person of color.
Darrell: "The first issue that came to the surface immediately was
that there was a lack of a support group or infrastructure for people of
color within the scene. Many people felt that they weren't having their
needs met after being forced to deal with the vanilla-dating scene to
seek out kink partners. Others felt that they were not welcomed when
they attended play parties. Another issue was there were a lot of people
who didn't enjoy having to deal with social stereotypes associated with
being of color. For instance, a common stereotype is of the docile Asian
submissive woman. Can you imagine the hurdle of having to deal with that
if you happen to be an Asian domme? Being able to share your
frustrations, and problems with folks helps out tremendously. Adding
people of color to the scene has brought new blood to the local scene.
As more people of color participate nationally, I think the scene will
do nothing but benefit from it.
"When people first come into the scene, there is an unbearable
feeling of isolation, and self-doubt that can be overwhelming. Not
seeing people like you can add to that feeling as well. Fortunately,
there are now several groups similar to my group in several cities
across the country. This safety net has helped many people who are new
to the scene feel comfortable and welcomed."
Sadie: You have dated interracially, including Caucasian, African
American, and Native American women. Have you found that the different
cultural background have brought any particular flavor to the BDSM
experience? Or was there no real difference?
Darrell: "Everyone is different. However, I think that there are
cultural differences that can add or subtract subtle changes to the
energy of a scene. There's also different areas of play that you can
explore that you may not be able to normally. Race play is a good
example of a form of BDSM play that you would not normally experience
until the couple is mixed."
Sadie: You are a lover of Big Beautiful Women (BBW). How has this
particular preference impacted your life in the BDSM arena? Have you
felt overall that it's been easier because size is less of an issue?
What challenges have you dealt with around this?
Darrell: "I originally joined National Association to Advance Fat
Acceptance (NAAFA) back in the mid-1980s about the same time I was
discovering my interest in BDSM. I knew that I had always been attracted
to Big Beautiful Women since my early teens. At that time, the local
NAAFA chapter had a online message board. (You could only read and post
email to it, one person at a time. It was a precursor to Bulletin Board
Systems, grandfather to the Internet, as we know it.) NAAFA allowed me
to learn about a lot of fat acceptance issues. Some controversial, such
as feeders, and some not. I was fortunate to be able to discuss my
interests in BDSM on that group as well, and that helped me cement my
feelings toward BDSM. Overall, it helped me become comfortable with
myself being a BHM (Big Handsome Man), and my love for Big Beautiful
Women.
"One issue that I have run into personally is a general mistrust of
new men in the online. At one point online, they had gotten close to
bashing all men who entered the IRC group for BBWs. I can't blame them
for becoming hostile. Some men seem to go out of their way to hurt women
on and offline just because they are BBW."
Sadie: How have you personally dealt with the issues around our
culture being critical of fat people? How do you integrate your approach
into the BDSM scene specifically?
Darrell: "I didn't really look at myself as a large sized
person until my mid 20s. It wasn't until after that point that I felt
like I was 'bucking against the system for the betterment of the world'.
After entering the BDSM world, I have dated almost exclusively BBW
women. I felt that BDSM should welcome everyone no matter what his or
her looks are. I also made sure that my group would also reach out to
larger sized people in addition to being of color.
Sadie: What does your awareness of size issues
bring to your group?
Darrell: "When I started Mahogany, I wanted
people to know that size or race should not hold you back from enjoying
BDSM. However, I think that people of size that are new to BDSM should
realize that there are health and safety issues that should be addressed
before they play. The physical stresses of bondage can be potentially
dangerous if the submissive has high blood pressure. There are also
positions like kneeling on your knees for extended periods that would be
uncomfortable for a larger person. We have discussed thing like that in
my group. I also post any event information, and things like large size
clothing links to my group as well. It is not easy to find fetish
clothing for larger folks."
Sadie: What suggestions would you give to a plus sized person to help
them make the most of BDSM?
Darrell: "Take a deep breath. Relax, and go play! Sometimes folks
get too caught up in the drama of things to enjoy life. "
Sadie: Do you feel that being larger is an advantage to being either
Dominant or Submissive?
Darrell: "I can only speak from a viewpoint of a Dom. I think that
having a larger submissive is tactilely much more pleasurable because
there is more to touch.
"I think that larger sized people can be more intimidating in play
if they use their size as a tool. Depending on how its done, you can use
it to your advantage. "
Sadie: What kind of encouragement or words of acceptance can you give
to the many people in the scene who are even now struggling with their
body image?
Darrell: "The first thing you should know is that everyone has body
image issues. DON'T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM ENJOYING YOURSELF!!!"
Sadie: Do you know of any websites or resources for people of size in
the scene?
Darrell: "There's your group of course. I think it is a step in the
right direction. There are also many BDSM groups, but not many for BBWs
who enjoy BDSM. I think that it may be hard for BBW groups to stay
active online. I have been in 10 or 15 of them over the last couple of
years, and most are inactive now. Most groups have been attacked by
spammers, who eventually take over the group.
Sadie: In describing how you like to play, you said, 'I like warm
lighting for the scene, a lot of candle lights. I tend to like a lot of
different types of music, each of which bring their own feelings to the
scene.' What are your favorite types of music for different kinds of
scenes? What do they evoke for you?
Darrell: "I enjoy experimenting with different types of music
during a scene. For example, when I role-play Mr. Worf, I use candles
and Chant music to get the feel of the part. You can get as deep into
play as you want to go. I doubt that I will learn Klingon, but it would
be an interesting touch." J
"I also believe that R&B/jazz can evoke a completely different
vibe than Techno or chant music that is normally played in dungeons. It
instantly sets a smoother, more sensual tone to the session. "
Sadie: You pretty much date only within the BDSM scene these days. Do
you believe that people are generally "born BDSM" or have you
had any success in seducing anyone into the lifestyle?
Darrell: "I would have to say that both are true. I believe that
there are people who are naturally drawn to the lifestyle. Some people
that I have talked to admit to doing things at an early age that would
be considered SM'ish after they entered the lifestyle. Things like
giving spankings to a girlfriend as a teen. (Like myself)
"Other folks fall into the lifestyle after encountering a wild
evening with a new lover, or after viewing something on TV. (Like HBO's
Real Sex!) The great thing about BDSM is that there are multiple answers
to everything, so there is no one right answer. Which is a good thing.
"Yes. I am guilty for seducing several ladies
into the lifestyle. J I have intentionally seduced several women into
the lifestyle, some by accident. I also actively encourage new people
who seek out my group to join the group, and become part of our
community as well.
"BDSM is very tantalizing, and seductive. Once you learn of its
pleasures, you are hooked."
Sadie: You got your scene name from Dr. Worf, the Black Klingon
character from Star Trek, the Next Generation. I hear that you
used it during an interrogation scene (sounds hot!). Do you still
occasionally morph into that character?
Darrell: "Heh!Heheheh! Yes, I still play as Mr. Worf whenever
possible. I may also play other Klingons as well, like an abrasive
Klingon Pirate. (wink!) I think that allowing yourself the freedom to
play or use a different persona during sessions can revitalize things.
"The idea for the interrogation scene came from a conversation I
had with my new submissive at the time. (She didn't know that I was
taking notes. ) I decided to surprise her on her birthday by arriving at
her house in a star trek type uniform. We had a wonderful dinner. We
became intimate, and to her surprise, I began imitating Mr. Worf's
speech style. She practically melted from that point on."
Sadie: Is there anything else you'd like to share with our readers?
Darrell: "People don't realize how much information that is out
there now that they are taking for granted. When I started there were
very few books available on BDSM. No munches, magazines, or websites. If
you are new to BDSM, take a look online for any local BDSM groups in
your area. If there isn't start one of your own. You are missing out on
a wonderful opportunity to learn, and possibly meet some new
friends."
Sadie: Thank you very much for chatting with me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you enjoyed this interview, read more SCENEprofiles with BDSM
personalities on Sadie's website at www.sensuoussadie.com
Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex,
and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene. Read an excerpt at http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html
She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn,
Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as
well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com
or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com
. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information
freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing
in most venues.
Copyright 2004 Sadie Sez Publications
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