SCENEprofiles Interview with Lord Bear
Founder & Leader of
The North Conway, New Hampshire Munch 

(More photos after interview)

master1949@hotmail.com 

www.wmdifferentstrokes.com 

BEAR: "First, let me thank you for this opportunity to speak my mind on this Lifestyle of ours. I was involved with getting the North Conway munch started by the actual founder Mary. I became acquainted with her through a co-worker who was into the Gorean lifestyle online. He was staying with Mary who was also into the World of Gor. When she asked If I would be interested in helping start a munch and I was very happy to become involved. Mary has since stepped down as munch host, though she is still involved with it and is also our webmistress.

"We are experiencing slow growth, but it seems to be constant. I think it may be better that way, rather than having a large group right off. At first we got some that were interested in 'how many unattached female subs do you have' but the ones who come now seem to be more in tune with the lifestyle, rather than the 'thrill seekers.'

"We have a chance to get to know each other well, which is hard to do with a rapid influx of people. Our first munch was only two couples. At the last one, along with you Sadie, there were about ten people."

B: "We hope that our growth will continue, and that we can provide a service to the North Country kinky, who. For example, one of our recent guests thought there weren't any others like him in the area."

B: "I live in the Northernmost part of New Hampshire, and there seemed to be no real life outlets for the lifestyle open to me. I had been involved with an online submissive who was deceptive and I dismissed her for it. At the same time I was going into the MSN Chat rooms, 'Lifestyles section, specifically, the BDSM rooms. I had met Glow there, and one night she, and some of her real life friends were talking about what a great time they had at a local bar/club. I suggested that since there wasn't any nightlife in my 'neck of the woods' that perhaps I might join them for drinks some Friday. So it was set up that I would meet a group of them at Glow's house and we would all go out, just a social thing. When she opened the door, she had intended on shaking my hand. Instead she said, 'I gotta hug you' and did. I think that there was an instant bonding that took place right then. We have been pretty much inseparable since. She offered me her submission after about two weeks of dating. A year after that day we were married."

SS: You describe your relationship with Glow as a power between the two of you, rather than you having a power over her. What does this mean?

B: "My Glow's submission to me is her gift. The power flows from her, to me. This ties into the consensual part of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Without her gift I would have no power over her. We share this lifestyle together. I feel that's the only way it can be. To attempt to wield power over another without consentuality is abuse. It is also an obligation of awesome depth. She surrenders herself to me completely, and so I have not only the pleasure of that, but also the duty to provide for her physical and mental wellbeing. A 24/7 relationship is not an easy undertaking, but, it is a very rewarding one. My little one's depth of submission is amazing, giving me a level of control that has to be seen to be believed."

SS: How would you describe your BDSM style and orientation?

B: "I would say that we are basically a Dominant/submissive couple. We both enjoy the Bondage/Discipline and Sado/Masochistic elements as well. I am Dominant, and Glow is submissive. That she also enjoys pain is a plus."

B: "Ahhh toys. I do like both the immediate (pain), and the after (marks) effects of that lovely little evil stick. As far as favorite kink, I have found that there is a side effect of the practice of orgasm control. This occurs when the Dominant brings the sub to the point of orgasm and denies the orgasm, then after continuing stimulation, finally allows the sub to orgasm. That side effect being, the conditioning of the sub to come on command only. My experience is limited to my own sub/wife, but it stands to reason that it would work for others. The end result is that Glow will come on command. A true shuddering uncontrollable orgasm, just because I demand it. It does give one an intense feeling of power."

B: "I have lived a Dominant lifestyle for most of my adult life. From my time in the armed service, an elite branch, and then after the service as an 'outlaw' Biker and president of an outlaw club, to the present state of a D/s relationship. I was exposed to lifestyle elements early in life. As a teen I read all the John Norman Gor books, which belonged to my father. As far as actual involvement it has only been about three years. In all my previous relationships there was always a feeling the something was missing. Even in spicy vanilla' relationships involving some light bondage and/or spanking, there was a lack of fulfillment. I was drawn to online BDSM because of the isolation of my home, and it has progressed from there into the relationship that I now cherish."

B: "I was discussing this with a new attendee at the munch when I met you Sadie. Our thoughts on that were mostly based on the duality that eastern religions espouse, the Yin and Yang, positive and negative energies that flow between all things. This is not the same as the Western concept where positive equals good and negative equals bad. Energy flows from one pole to the opposite. So does the power exchange flow from one to the other? My Glow enjoys pain, when I inflict pain she shows her enjoyment and that enjoyment flows to me, making me give more and receiving more feedback."

B: "I think an understanding on at least basic terms of the Yin/Yang energy flow concept would be necessary. The lifestyle is after all a power exchange, and the eastern philosophies explain it best to my mind. That the energy flows in a circle back and forth. What is given is also received. One eventually realizes that by feeding their submissives needs, their own needs are filled. This is the Yin/Yang concept in its most basic form. Again, it's more of the eastern way of looking at things. Once the initial perception has occurred, you wonder why you didn't see or feel the correlation before."

B: "It does seem to have enhanced the feelings I experience. While there has always been a closeness between Glow and I, it somehow seems to be more intense. As for changing my life, I couldn't imagine being in a non-BDSM relationship anymore. I have found that it feeds the needs of my psyche as well as my physical needs."

B: "I was brought up in a Christian home. My mother was a churchgoer and my father wasn't. It was pretty much your average middle class family. As for affecting my approach to BDSM. As a youth I did some searching studies in the field of religion. Almost all have scriptures depicting some form of spiritual purging related to application of pain. So it wasn't difficult to relate in that way."

B: "I have been contacting Dominants from the group, and others that I have come to know. Many have noticed that there appears to be a division as to those submissives that need real pain (the so called pain sluts) and those who only require a symbolic application of pain. What I mean there is that while a soft suede flogger, gently applied, is enough for some, others would think that they were being punished by being deprived of the pain they need. It is my intent to research this more fully and write an article on it, so I won't go into it too much more here. I hope that you would publish it when completed. Also readers can feel free to contact me with any input."

B: "I am that comfortable in who and what I am, that I dont feel the need to be a walking billboard. I have noticed that most can tell by my bearing that I am Dominant. It isn't about a fashion statement. It is all about being comfortable and confident in yourself. There are those cliquey groups where appearances do seem to matter a lot more. I myself have never felt the need to conform to someone else's concept of how I should appear. I am what I am. I do not need another to approve or disapprove."

B: "I started out in the MSN chats, so they definitely have first place in my heart. Most of the people in them are only onliners. However, they are participating in the lifestyle, so this is a good thing. Many are there because of curiosity, and the lack of an opportunity to participate in real life. A lot of what goes on is just socializing, just as in most chatrooms, but with the BDSM undertones. I found that the tone in BDSM rooms is much more relaxed and respectful than the other chats, not only because of the Dominant/ submissive protocols, but the subs seem more cordial to each other as well. I met and recruited (for lack of a better word) a new attendee for our munch in a Yahoo BDSM chat. You also spoke with him Sadie - Ronin. So, to me it seems that the chatrooms may be an untapped source of new people who want real life, but don't know it's there in their area. I still go into those rooms and let them know about the munch.

"In addition I tell them about our Sunday night chat, accessible through our website, from 8 PM 'til everyone leaves. It is a resource that we are just beginning to tap into and one I feel should be made use of. I am always ready to help someone take that first step into this lifestyle."

B: "I'd have to say that I take the 'Don't ask, don't tell' outlook for the most part. If a conversation starts towards kinky and I feel comfortable with the person, I may let them know I'm of a kinky mindset. It really depends on the circumstances."

B: "The munch is one of three. All three are listed on our website."

B: "Anyone in our area, for vacation or whatever, feel free to come to our munch."

B: "Thank you, Sadie, for having me here."

Bear & Glow at their Wedding

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Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene (http://www.trafford.com/robots/03-0551.html). She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn , Vermont 's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com  or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications