A Good Dom Day

By Megapig
MegaPIG@aol.com

 
There are few things in life as pleasant as having a good Dom day. It’s like having a good hair day, only more so. Everything just works right. The sun is out, God is in his heaven, I’m in my heaven, my submissive is where she is supposed to be, doing what she is supposed to be doing, my word is Law and everything that I decree just... happens. My mind fills with all the things I will accomplish today, all the things my sub will do at my behest, all the things that she will do, without question or hesitation that will let me probe places in her mind, her body and spirit from which I will derive an immense satisfaction and she will get the feelings of control and security that drive her. Life is good.
 
Today, is not one of those days. I’m having a bad Dom day. It’s windy outside and overcast. A bit cold, too. I’m in the back yard cleaning up the mess from the last project I completed in anticipation of starting a new one.... but it’s not one I look forward to, it’s one of those ‘have to’ projects that I’ve been putting off. As I try to sweep up the debris, the wind makes a fool of me by blowing faster and spreading it further than I can handle. As I look around, I see two other tasks that I started in the fall and failed to complete before the weather turned. One is uncompleted and the other was done, but I see that I didn’t do it right and I feel the dissatisfaction from doing it wrong. My sub is inside, having just gotten out of bed. She doesn’t have the motivation today for which she is famous and even though putting on her collar, wrist and ankle cuffs upon getting out of bed, before she first leaves the bedroom is the RULE, she hasn’t done it today. She forgot, maybe didn’t feel like it or maybe, as happens some days, just doesn’t feel very submissive today and subconsciously doesn’t want to don the garb of the submissive within her.
 
I remember that it’s been months since I played with her in the BDSM “tie you up and flog you” sense and I know that it’s been months since I’ve felt like doing it. It’s important to her. She likes subspace and I’ve always used that as one of many ways to reward her for her efforts... to connect with her on one of the many levels at which we relate. I’ve never been a big fan of BDSM. Not like so many people I know. It’s a lot of work to tie someone up and do the things we do and I don’t find it directly rewarding. I like being able to give her the feeling that she craves - I enjoy giving her that gift. But I have friends that are willing to do it because they LIKE the activity itself, not the end result, and they are happy to tie up a total stranger just because they like it. For me, I do it because and when I crave the connection of knowing that it was ME that did it - that I took her somewhere no one else CAN take her. Because I can have a deeply emotional effect on someone I deeply care for. But I haven’t done that recently.
 
I run a quick check. Do I not care anymore ? Do I not care for her like I USED to care for her ? Hmm. No, that’s not the case. I care more deeply than I used to. She is now a part of me that is always with me. Maybe that’s it. At the same time that I realize I may be taking her for granted, I also know that the only reason I CAN take her for granted is because we are so deeply bound that it’s not NECESSARY to show it so outwardly as I once did. I make a note to myself that this is good in one way, but NOT good in another... and I want it to be good in all ways. So I put that on my list of things to do, but grimace when I think of putting something so personal on the ‘have to” list. That’s not right but then, by this time, I realize that I’m having a bad Dom day and probably nothing will seem ‘right’ today.
 
And this is the problem. I captured her five years ago. She agreed to nothing, in fact, she didn’t want me at all. Tried hard to stay away and stay free. I made her a mental prisoner by my sheer force of will and I’ve kept her there by simply overwhelming her emotions and sensibilities, keeping her emotionally and spiritually powerless and enslaved to my will. Only today and lately, I don’t feel so willful or powerful. Metaphorically, I saw this wonderful and unique orchid at the flower store and knowing that I had the skill to keep an orchid and make it thrive in my garden, I took her home and transplanted her there, where she has undergone truly remarkable transformation and growth. But the orchid needs special care every day and today all I can think about is that I want ALL the plants in ALL my gardens to not need me - I barely have enough force of will and energy for ME.... and none to spare for anything else.
 
But this is the problem, isn’t it ? The orchid didn’t have a say-so in where it went. There may have been a better gardener out there, maybe a better match. I didn’t give the orchid that option, so I don’t suddenly have the luxury of saying that I’ll get to it’s needs when I get around to it. How many times have I told my submissive orchid (and the many other submissives that have turned to me for advice) that ANYONE can be a good submissive on the days that they ‘feel like it’ ? How many times have I said that the difference between the wannbe’s and the real submissives is being able to follow the rules and submit whenever it is REQUIRED and not just when they feel like it ? I tell them all that you can’t just raise your hand and say “this isn’t fun anymore, I don’t want to play.” Well now that chicken has come home to roost and I have to tell myself that you don’t get to be a Dom on the days when it’s fun, easy and painless. Being a Dom is being hard enough, tough enough and durable enough to summon the energy and commitment even when you’re running on empty.
 
So I straighten my back, I stand tall, take a deep breath and tell myself that I have the power to get out of this rut and get things back on track, but even as I file that resolution with the lobe of my brain that handles such resolution and commitment, I know that by the time I finish my chores in the back yard and go back inside, the momentary energy spurt will be gone and mentally I’ll be back where I started.
 
Meanwhile, the wind has now scattered the sawdust and debris farther than I have the energy to collect again. Damn wind.
 
I’m having a bad Dom day. And tomorrow doesn’t look all that promising either.

~~~

Copyright 2003

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