True Freedom

By Decima
cuties@attglobal.net  
www.fetishfashion.com.hk

Decima is the founder of Fetish Fashion, founded in 1994 to cater to the needs of the BDSM community in Hong Kong . The magnificent suite of playrooms, designed and fitted by Fetters of Europe is at the heart of the organization. Their rooms are the only commercial playrooms in Hong Kong and considered to be the best equipped in Asia . It has now expanded to include not only a fine selection of fetish garments and toys, but also has a dedicated group for cross dressers. They hold a variety of gatherings including mixed parties, gay parties and sometimes ladies only parties. After a raid at the dungeon a few years ago, Decima  recently won a court battle exonerating her of all charges.

Also read the SCENEprofiles Interview with Decima
Read Decima’s Column Getting Comfortable with Submission

“True Freedom Exists Only Within Bounds”
                                                        William Wordsworth

Wordsworth’s words opened a new world for me at sixteen as I sat in my A Level English class, seduced by Donne, puzzled by Samson Agonistes and bored by Conrad. The idea of a person being able to experience a real freedom through having well defined areas of restraint around them fascinated me. I began to see examples of it in real life and to enjoy setting myself these bounds. I had a well developed sense of ritual from an early age but had no idea of how to name what I enjoyed.

The concept of being bound to be free, to experience constraints in order to feel liberated can apply both to the Dom and to the sub within a BDSM relationship. The bounds may not necessarily be physical ones; the trust which should be at the heart of all BDSM encounters is a result of well defined and negotiated constraints. Sometimes they are the generally accepted constraints of BDSM play and at others they are the meticulously defined personal rules between a couple. But the concept of a safeness, a boundary, a frame, is the element which allows us to fly, whether we be top or bottom, which can lead us to the emotional release we need and seek within BDSM.

Thomas Weinberg, PhD. A sociologist at Buffalo State College in New York and editor of S&M: Studies in Dominance & Submission (Prometheus Books, 1995) suggests that working within frames gives permission for people to act differently from normal:

“Frames suspend reality. They create expectations, norms and values that set the situation apart from other parts of life.”

Once we are inside our frame we are free to act in ways which we could not at other times. Look for example at paint wars, carnival, office parties. At such times and events we feel free because we have a different set of rules within which to work. We are safe in the knowledge that it is finite, that we shall return to our other world at some point but in the meantime have given ourselves permission to be free within our agreed constraints.

The frame of BDSM is created by complex rituals, roles and dynamics and together these allow both Dom and sub a glorious sensual freedom to explore their dark eros in a way which the vanilla world finds difficulty in understanding. The physical actions may be on view but, as Elizabeth, a member of a Ds group to which I belong points out, there are many non-visual subtle elements involved (psychological, emotional, spiritual-mystical). Together these create what she calls “...the inner elements of the experience, the bliss of being at one with one’s own nature...being wholly in the moment, the intense intimacy of trust.”

And we have a right to experience this with dignity, self respect and with the support of our special community.

~~~
Copyright 2003
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