Getting Comfortable with Submission

By Decima
cuties@attglobal.net  
www.fetishfashion.com.hk

Decima is the founder of Fetish Fashion, founded in 1994 to cater to the needs of the BDSM community in Hong Kong . The magnificent suite of playrooms, designed and fitted by Fetters of Europe is at the heart of the organization. Their rooms are the only commercial playrooms in Hong Kong and considered to be the best equipped in Asia . It has now expanded to include not only a fine selection of fetish garments and toys, but also has a dedicated group for cross dressers. They hold a variety of gatherings including mixed parties, gay parties and sometimes ladies only parties. After a raid at the dungeon a few years ago, Decima  recently won a court battle exonerating her of all charges.


Also read the SCENEprofiles Interview with Decima
Read Decima’s Column True Freedom



Many people want to explore their submissive feelings; perhaps they are having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that they have these feelings at all. Becoming acquainted with the way you feel takes time. It’s a fact that most of the submissives I meet tend to be highly motivated, dominant personalities in their everyday life, people who are used to directing others and taking charge of their own direction. And this applies equally to male and female, although their reservations about submission often stem from different areas. Societal expectations of men and women have changed, especially women. The desire of a woman for erotic submission may seem at odds with the independent, strong woman she has been given the right to be within our present society, but the two can coexist in harmony if she is accepting of her needs. Men, by the same token have roles assigned to them which may seem at odds with their erotic choice of submission.

Submission is indeed a need, not simply a desire. Perhaps the feelings have lain dormant for many years, perhaps they have simply been un-named, but wherever we are on this continuum it’s a gift which should be given from strength and one through which it should be possible to fully accept one’s needs and to fulfill them within a respectful, safe framework. It should be a joyous experience, a voyage of discovery where the treasure is contentment.

So how can we make this happen for ourselves? Let’s start by valuing what we have to give. The gift can only be a gift if there is a recipient, in this case the Dominant. S/he may be a long-term partner or someone of a more transitory nature, but the rules are the same. Submissives must be responsible for making certain that the Dominant is a responsible and caring person, that enough time is given to negotiation and to discussion of boundaries and that time can be set aside later to reflect on the time together.

The relationship between Dominant and submissive is essentially symbiotic in nature; it is mutually advantageous, one cannot exist without the other. It’s sometimes tempting for a submissive to put this aside, to not make the very necessary demands for their safety and comfort. To make such demands does not damage their submission but, on the contrary shows that they value themselves and thus signals to the Dominant that they are to be valued. Any Dominant worth his or her salt will expect and appreciate this and if they don’t then the signal is clear, don’t play! “When in Doubt, Don’t!”

Any submissive reading this who has experienced the joy of valued erotic submission will know that when that switch is thrown it can be like the opening of the floodgates. At its best the feeling of surrender, of being taken care of, of being allowed to submit is a feeling of completion, of coming home, of being at peace.

Accepting your erotic submissive core has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength.

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Copyright 2003
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