Because You Asked

By Elizabeth
scribess@hotmail.com


Through years of encountering new Dominants, I've struggled with how to handle the dilemma of answering when a Dominant seeks information about my experience, "what I like," etc. (This comes after a "getting to know you" period of communication, when a sense of potential has been established, and actual play is being considered.)
 
I've tried lists, questionnaires, extensive essays. They seem to miss the essence, the spirit of my nature as a submissive. I've recently been cultivating a relationship with a distant Dominant and planning a meeting. When it came time to share with him more in-depth information about my nature and experience as a submissive, I turned to free verse, a stream of consciousness writing... and this was the result.
 
Disclaimer: this writing is not intended as a statement of how submission "should" be for anyone. It is simply an intensely personal and individual view of my own submissive nature.     

 
            Because You Asked 


All that I write
about what I have done
is less significant than
what cannot be written...
 
That impossible-to-describe spark
link
between Dominant and submissive
which is either there
or is not...
 
    It is the necessary Mystery.
 
I have experienced submission of the body:
it is, ultimately,
an empty thing.
 
Submission in spirit,
with that connection,
is the Dominant knowing
sensing
what I want
what I need
before I know it myself,
a natural meshing of his desires
and mine
....this is the deepest submissive journey.
 
I have been
tied up
tied down
with ropes
with scarves
with words...
 
Leather cuffs at wrists and ankles
chained
spread-eagled
feeling the freedom of restraint
   when the focus sharpens
   to the Dominant's touch.
 
With little movement possible,
sensation goes deep --
not released in thrashing movement,
response arises from a wild
primitive place
ancient elemental woman
out of mind
out of time.
 
I have been
whipped
spanked
flogged
paddled
by the best and worst Dominants...
 
The Best
know that the arc of pain
must match the arc of arousal
or pain is
just
pain
Not the dance of pain-pleasure
    presenting the submissive challenge,
        to go as far as I can
             and beyond
    into becoming sensation and response
    for the pleasure of the Dominant.
 
The Worst
Strike before raising the hunger
create no rhythms 
seduce no seduction
   body, mind or spirit...
Confuse Dominance with sadism,
Forget that slim women have little fat
to cushion deep muscles which bruise,
    painful for days
    and damaging.
They chatter,
expect me to speak complete sentences --
    Trapped in rational mind,
    there is no submission.
 
***************
My nipples are highly eroticized
wired directly to my cunt...
I have never orgasmed
from nipple play alone,
but
the teasing torture of nipples
melts me
drives me deep into hunger
for more
more
more
and my cunt cries out
to be probed by exploring fingers
 
...there is something commanding
about the insertion of fingers
"mine..."
taking possession...
my body anchored
center centered
around that possession.
 
I cannot bear nipple clamps
or clothespins.
Better are roach-clip style clips
and snake-bite kit suction tubes...
toys are effective
but so is pinching
tweaking
sucking
nibbling bites.
 
Some Dominants want to mash the breasts
please, not with me!
Small breasted women
have little between breasts and ribs --
not a good ouch,
and damaging.
 
**********************
Then there are the subtle things...
The Dominant who carries my
wallet
keys
cigarettes & lighter
when we go out...
 
I have nothing to keep track of
I am taken care of --
He possesses my stuff
he possesses me.
 
Then in the taxi
he tosses his coat over my lap
whispers in my ear
"Not a sound..."
and slips his hand up my dress
pushes my panties aside
plays with me
until I am wet
and fingers me
as I try not to whimper...
 
This is the submissive edge --
this knowing that
he will take
any opportunity
to touch
to stroke
to tease
anytime
anywhere
a hand under the table
sliding up my thigh
 
a simple demand
"wear no panties tonight,
I may want to touch you."
 
During desert
draped secretly by the tablecloth
"slide your legs apart...
feel the air? it touches you
in my name..."
 
Laughing conversation
can turn in an instant...
my nipple
even clothed
suddenly between his fingers
"oh, and how you've wanted this,
yes?
tell me..."
 
head falling back
I whisper "yes"
and he laughs
soft and low
"I like the curve of your neck,
head back further..."
and he traces a line with his finger
up my neck
nipple still held,
and I moan...
 
"...and that, my dear,
is only the beginning..."
 
**********************
A submissive doesn't want to worry
to wonder
what will please
or if she is pleasing...
 
He says,
stand like this
sit like that
arch your back
   oh, yes, that's lovely
      how your breasts invite my touch...
don't pull away from my spanking hand,
    raise your buttocks to me
yes, yes, just like that...
 
The Dominant's talk
becomes a mirror
in which this submissive sees herself
   her submission through his eyes,
talk that is not formula
but arises from the moment...
   Your heat, he says,
      tells me you want more
          do you want more?
 
Answering is
in and of itself
an act of submission,
arising from the heat of being Mastered.
In the absence of that heat
       I cannot
       will not
       speak empty words:
"Master" is not a noun,
     it is a verb.
 
Nor can I pretend "punishment"
    a pretense
I am not "a very bad girl,"
I am, by nature, a very good submissive.
   
The Dominant opens the pathways
   demands that this submissive
      move ever more deeply
        into her submissive response...
 
The more he controls her response
    the more she responds,
an instrument to his touch
    he plays her
       and she is played
         with rapture
            respect
         and gratitude...
   and she blushes, later, at the
       remembrance             
           of just how far
              he made her go
                when she was no longer her own
                  but his
                    at his hands
                      and under his spell.

~~~

Copyright 2003

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